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help am i being

dane

i need some guidence or just see what evreyone else thinks i recently got engaged to my girlfriend of 1 year i also have a tattoo with her name on my shoulder  the trouble is  i dont know if i trust her any more  she refuses to tell her mother  we are engeged  as she  says her mum will go up the  wall even though we  are aged 28 me and her 38  she whears her ring  sometimes  other times the thing  that really gets me  is she whears her  ring from  her ex fiancee and refuses to take it off and changes subject if i bring it up  another thing  she does is  when i txt her sometimes she txts back other times she wont bother  i ask her to ring me she wont  when we  go to bed   she will  only let  me do certain things  she tells me she will be intimate with me  then changes her mind the day she comes to see me  i put credit on her phone buy her evreything she wants do evreything for her  she tells me she loves me  as did her best friend confirm  she sid it we both have learning difficulties and me autisim am i being used i cant eat sleep look at my phone 24 n hours day  waiting for her to txt or phone and make excueses for her in my head i need some guidence

  • But at what cost to yourself?

    Isn't it better to be alone than with someone using you?  Or being with someone who knows you are desperately hanging on to them so everything is on their terms?

    You won't respect yourself if you put yourself in positions where you don't engender respect from others towards you.

    I would personally say start afresh, join a local support group or Aspie group, start some hobbies or classes, find out who you are inside and what you need and want, before considering yourself as someone's partner.

    It is highly unlikely statistically that you would never meet someone else.

  • i have tried  the letter i have tried not txting  things are getting  so much worse  ive told  her i am deppressed about things to  wich she just rang me  and asked if i ok then continued to talk about herself  and her mates  yesterday we  spent the day in bed but still she would not let me  be  intamate  with her  just touch her  she sid shes ill  she told me to txt her  that night and when  i did she not txt back i  asked her what  happend between her and her ex she  said  how nice he was and how he met her mum and they split up  cos  he worked all day and night  and that dosent work for her i asked her not to  get rid of me to wich she said  i wont and kissed my shoulder i asked her to get rid of her exs ring too wich she said no  she will put it in a box  and not whear it .  i know if  she rid off me i will miss her and have a bad time again  and not be able to atend are group again .  i will never ever get another girlfriend  again ive been used once before  so two broke engagements and  girls name  tatooed on my arm dont look good  at 28  i just want her to be  honest

  • In my view she is absolutely using you.  The story speaks for itself.  I would challenge her with this and if her answer is unsatisfactory end the relationship.  You could write it in a letter so it's easier to say.

  • A relationship should be based on trust and it seems her behaviour is leading you to constantly question her.

    She may be entirely innocent, but it may also be that she has things to hide, whichever way you really need to talk and sort it out else it means the situation will just go on and on.

    It could be that you are suffocating her, yes you may love her and want to be with her or wonder what she is doing 24/7 but that's not good for any relationship, so you should force yourself to be cooler, if you text her and she doesn't text back then you have to not get too bothered about it and wait until the next day before you text her again.

    Also I wonder why you are paying to top up her phone and buying everything she wants - this is not what a loving relationship is about. You obviously feel like you have to keep giving her things to show her that you love her but this can easily lead to yourself being used. You should test her by telling her you don't have much money for a few weeks and therefore cannot buy her anything, then see if she still wants to see you, or if she makes excuses for a few weeks.

    I don't know the entire situation, but I know when one person is taking more out of a relationship than they are putting in then it gets one sided and can only lead to the other person feeling unhappy. It may be hard to see the truth about the other person, especially if you are smitten you will just make excuses for them all the time, but it's not good to be a doormat or have people take advantage of you so you have to learn how to look at all the signs.