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Christmas and visitors

Kate Kestrel

Is anybody else on here feeling stressed about Christmas and having relatives coming to your house?

Since the pandemic we are even more uncomfortable than we were before (and we were never keen to put it mildly) with having people come into our home - especially in the winter when there’s lots of viruses around. Two people in our household are more vulnerable to infections and that’s a factor, but we also find it really hard to relax with anyone visiting and our house is very small so it’s all a bit crowded with even one or two visitors. 
The thing is we have a family member who we love dearly who wants to come and stay, but the thought of it is causing me so much stress. However I don’t want to hurt their feelings or be unwelcoming. But I’m just so stressed about it that I’m starting to feel quite ill over it. I don’t know what to do. 
Is anybody else struggling with this? 
And anyone have any good advice to share about how to handle this situation? 
thanks :) 

Parents

  • I feel your pain and anxiety with this. Every year we have relatives come to us...and we also have to go to other relatives like a double whammy of dread and doom lolol Joy the whole idea makes me crazy anxious. My mum and dad are understanding of my autism and struggles though and come Christmas if I'm not up to seeing anyone at home mum said she can tell them that someone's ill and not to come over.

    My mum said to me my health and happiness is more important so I think Kate you need to do the same. I'm a people pleaser to and last year I decided to have relatives over and OMG I regretted it after! I had headaches, lots of pain everywhere, bad tummy and I was really tired.

    I think you should definitely put yourself first Kate. Your happiness and health is the most important thing. Anxiety is horrible and it can be crushing and suffocating. Don't let it make you ill.

    I'm really sorry you suffer from anxiety. I'm trying meditation actually to see if it helps.

Reply

  • I feel your pain and anxiety with this. Every year we have relatives come to us...and we also have to go to other relatives like a double whammy of dread and doom lolol Joy the whole idea makes me crazy anxious. My mum and dad are understanding of my autism and struggles though and come Christmas if I'm not up to seeing anyone at home mum said she can tell them that someone's ill and not to come over.

    My mum said to me my health and happiness is more important so I think Kate you need to do the same. I'm a people pleaser to and last year I decided to have relatives over and OMG I regretted it after! I had headaches, lots of pain everywhere, bad tummy and I was really tired.

    I think you should definitely put yourself first Kate. Your happiness and health is the most important thing. Anxiety is horrible and it can be crushing and suffocating. Don't let it make you ill.

    I'm really sorry you suffer from anxiety. I'm trying meditation actually to see if it helps.

Children
  • in reply to Bees

    Hi Bees,

    Thank you for your very kind and thoughtful reply. It’s great that your parents are understanding - that’s wonderful. My parents didn’t know I was autistic and I think they just viewed my strugggles with things as me just being ‘silly’ or weird - they didn’t understand and I only got my diagnosis recently. They had no understanding of autism and I didn’t even know I was autistic until about 7 years ago.

    Youre right that I shouldn’t feel bad about prioritising my health and happiness - that’s true. Often I feel guilty about putting my needs first. But sometimes the cost of ignoring your own mental health needs is very high - and that’s what’s happening here I think. I feel I SHOULD do this and in most ways I WANT to host my lovely relative, but I just feel so stressed about it. Then I wear myself out worrying about it and trying to decide what’s best. Not good. 
    It really does help to come on here and talk to people who really do understand. Thank you x