looking...

i find autistic life easy.... i find everyday life a complete nightmare! i dont make friends easy i find it hard to keep up and maintain communication on a everyday basis... if i could be how i am behind a screen i would be the next richard branson!! :D

life is so difficult for many of us on the spectrum, its alot harder than what most imagine!

no communication or people skills, no facial expression awareness, no knowledge of tones of voice, plus many many more... :(

life gets depressing at times............

how is your life rr84?? are you on the spectrum??

hows things going

to davek75 how r u and how do u find life with being austistic

dave

do you know if you could say face to face what you have just put in your post, you have have the ladies falling over themselves to go out with you.

you, me and so many other fellas share the same difficulties with women, and i agree the chatting up thing is a complete nightmare. i truly suck at it and always have done.

i know i'm repeating myself but my best advice is, relax and wait for it to happen rather than fretting and being frustrated if it doesn't.

just be yourself because i firmly believe there's someone for everyone, took me 2 marriges and 35 years to find a lady who gets the real me.

take care

rob

hi rob

my relationships start off well and then dwindle out as they or i in some cases get bored and they obviously get tired of hearing the same things over and over...

i repeat myself quite regulary and with an apalling stammer... it can take me 15 mins to say one sentence so i tend to keep quiet and then they say im not interested in what they say or am listening?? sometimes i hate being AS... nobody understands me!! its so awkward and i think im fairly intelligent its just a shame people dont get to see that side of me!!

i keep my distance from most people as i was bullied in my younger years and people used me for what they could get... i know not everyone is like that but i learnt the hard way! maybe i should seek councelling?? maybe get some help??

im extremely shy and very quiet and always have the same expression on my face?? people say i always look "moody" or "sullen" whatever that means...

i dont know what to say to the oppasite sex when it comes to talking to them? i get all flustered,stammer and go red and in most cases will back off....

i too have tried a group situation but couldnt connect with anyone in the room as i am a computer whizz they were all into dr who etc etc i couldnt relate to them... :(

so i went once and never went again.... dr who is not my forte'

well i thank you for your time once again...

i hope i hear from you again soon as i appreciate another aspect of aspergers rather than just mine!!

the world is such a hard place to try to understand!! :(

anyway take care and thank u

dave :)

I also find it hard to connect with people, when I am in a relationship my constant irritation from noise and need for hygiene were food is concerned can be very trying. I need to find someone who when they have made something to eat I know they have done it properly because they have the same hygiene standards and also someone who has the same auditory issues.

hello dave

firstly i want to say that finding that special someone or even making friends can prove troublesome for nt people. with this in mind it makes us fairly 'normal' as far as the social stakes are concerned we are just as clumsy as our nt counterparts.

when in the past i have (due to what ever situation i was in) found it necessary to socialise with new groups, i tried to ignore my difference and focus on the similarities i might share with the mainly nt folk.

i am one of those middle aged men but haven't always been, i have played the dating game, gone to pubs, clubs and special interest groups. i may not much cop at the social thing but i get by.

i have been married three times, so i must have been doing something right, i know two of them failed, that was down to my behaviour and immaturity and no diagnosis at the time. myself and my current wife are together for 20 years, she is aware of my difference and i guess she must be a patient person, i must be getting better or i am just very lucky.

i didn't go looking for love it just happened. i think what i'm trying to say is that you should just give it time and friends even realationships will likely find you.

good luck

rob

I have been to several Asperger social groups and have experienced what Longman describes. The majority of attendees are middle-aged men, who are quite severely affected by their Aspergers, and don't share the same interests as me. The few men who are more high-functioning and who do share similar interests, don't understand my own issues on account of their autism; and brush off my concerns in a patronising manner. The few women I have met were into completely different interests to me, and had already formed their own friendship networks based on their interests.

I have attended political meetings (made up of snooty middle-aged men), a book-club (middle-aged female pensioners), and I do voluntary work; again, made up mainly of retired people.

I am hopeless at chatting up people, and really don't know what to do. I guess that dating sites are my only option.

It is difficult if you are not socially adept. It depends how good you are at getting to talk to people generally. For many people on the spectrum that in itself is a barrier, and sensory issues may also make it difficult to be in gatherings in noisy places.

I'm a very tall person, and when I was in the right place geographically to go to social gatherings by a tall persons club, I saw a whole new dimension to this. Tall people have trouble socialising because they are the wrong height to make eye contact, and they tend to get left out, or treated as the party freak. To find myself in a social gathering where I was one of the shortest was quite a revelation - in a room full of seven footers, who spend their lives head above the clouds. As a tall persons group they made possible all kinds of events and activities that brought people together.

Unfortunately it doesn't seem to happen like that with Aspegers/Autism - I'd like to find the kind of autism social groups IntenseWorld suggests - they must exist. Ones I've been too are depressing and hard work - a room full of people all studying the floor and deeply into themselves, and all with interests too diverse to share - except for the Dr Who fans, Jedi Warriors, trainspotters and computer buffs, and even they don't seem to agree.

When I was young (unavoidable to have to say that) I kept being told to take up an interest - yeah yeah. It doesn't make a lot of odds if you're socially clumsy. I did art classes - lots of middle age women with time on their hands who were maternalistic - mainly found it relaxing to be in this sort of company. An awful lot of clubs and societies - I was in a recorded music listening society for some years - are mostly pensioners - which isn't going to help when you are young. Young people seem more and more into raves and crowded out of it parties - i'd have faded out quickly.

A sport may be better, and there are options which are not so socially pressing. I'm told tennis, badminton and squash are good for meeting people - but my hand eye coordination is atrocious and I cannot seem to follow the rules. With some sports if you can be a hanger on - hang out with people who are good at it without having to do much of it yourself.  If you take an interest in sailing or canoing, or in motor sports, you can be involved as a bystander and meet people. You can get involved doing the odd jobs around a sport, which helps meet people.

I think though the paramount problem is how effective you are connecting - one to one. If your eye contact is lousy that's going to make things very hard, because forming a relationship ceases to be about words, and more about responding in an expected intimate way to little gestures and looks. Well don't ask me how its done!

If you can connect 1-2-1 with someone, that will make things a whole lot easier. All you now have to do is get in a group somewhere where there are people around and mixing.

Yes people can meet up by complete chance, without others around. But most relationships arise because the two people were both regular associates in a wider crowd.

Take up some interests that you enjoy, and you may find someone through that.  Could be a hobby, club, adult learning class.

Google for Asperger's social groups in your area, might be someone that way.

There might be online dating sites for people with differences if that is what you want.

If you work, see if there are any work colleague drinks after work you can attend, apparently loads of people meet through work.

If you don't work, you could volunteer and meet someone that way.

Consider placing a classified ad (but do be careful).