looking...

hi anyone have any advice on finding that special someone??

thanks... feeling lonely and a little depressed!! :(

Parents
  • It is difficult if you are not socially adept. It depends how good you are at getting to talk to people generally. For many people on the spectrum that in itself is a barrier, and sensory issues may also make it difficult to be in gatherings in noisy places.

    I'm a very tall person, and when I was in the right place geographically to go to social gatherings by a tall persons club, I saw a whole new dimension to this. Tall people have trouble socialising because they are the wrong height to make eye contact, and they tend to get left out, or treated as the party freak. To find myself in a social gathering where I was one of the shortest was quite a revelation - in a room full of seven footers, who spend their lives head above the clouds. As a tall persons group they made possible all kinds of events and activities that brought people together.

    Unfortunately it doesn't seem to happen like that with Aspegers/Autism - I'd like to find the kind of autism social groups IntenseWorld suggests - they must exist. Ones I've been too are depressing and hard work - a room full of people all studying the floor and deeply into themselves, and all with interests too diverse to share - except for the Dr Who fans, Jedi Warriors, trainspotters and computer buffs, and even they don't seem to agree.

    When I was young (unavoidable to have to say that) I kept being told to take up an interest - yeah yeah. It doesn't make a lot of odds if you're socially clumsy. I did art classes - lots of middle age women with time on their hands who were maternalistic - mainly found it relaxing to be in this sort of company. An awful lot of clubs and societies - I was in a recorded music listening society for some years - are mostly pensioners - which isn't going to help when you are young. Young people seem more and more into raves and crowded out of it parties - i'd have faded out quickly.

    A sport may be better, and there are options which are not so socially pressing. I'm told tennis, badminton and squash are good for meeting people - but my hand eye coordination is atrocious and I cannot seem to follow the rules. With some sports if you can be a hanger on - hang out with people who are good at it without having to do much of it yourself.  If you take an interest in sailing or canoing, or in motor sports, you can be involved as a bystander and meet people. You can get involved doing the odd jobs around a sport, which helps meet people.

    I think though the paramount problem is how effective you are connecting - one to one. If your eye contact is lousy that's going to make things very hard, because forming a relationship ceases to be about words, and more about responding in an expected intimate way to little gestures and looks. Well don't ask me how its done!

    If you can connect 1-2-1 with someone, that will make things a whole lot easier. All you now have to do is get in a group somewhere where there are people around and mixing.

    Yes people can meet up by complete chance, without others around. But most relationships arise because the two people were both regular associates in a wider crowd.

Reply
  • It is difficult if you are not socially adept. It depends how good you are at getting to talk to people generally. For many people on the spectrum that in itself is a barrier, and sensory issues may also make it difficult to be in gatherings in noisy places.

    I'm a very tall person, and when I was in the right place geographically to go to social gatherings by a tall persons club, I saw a whole new dimension to this. Tall people have trouble socialising because they are the wrong height to make eye contact, and they tend to get left out, or treated as the party freak. To find myself in a social gathering where I was one of the shortest was quite a revelation - in a room full of seven footers, who spend their lives head above the clouds. As a tall persons group they made possible all kinds of events and activities that brought people together.

    Unfortunately it doesn't seem to happen like that with Aspegers/Autism - I'd like to find the kind of autism social groups IntenseWorld suggests - they must exist. Ones I've been too are depressing and hard work - a room full of people all studying the floor and deeply into themselves, and all with interests too diverse to share - except for the Dr Who fans, Jedi Warriors, trainspotters and computer buffs, and even they don't seem to agree.

    When I was young (unavoidable to have to say that) I kept being told to take up an interest - yeah yeah. It doesn't make a lot of odds if you're socially clumsy. I did art classes - lots of middle age women with time on their hands who were maternalistic - mainly found it relaxing to be in this sort of company. An awful lot of clubs and societies - I was in a recorded music listening society for some years - are mostly pensioners - which isn't going to help when you are young. Young people seem more and more into raves and crowded out of it parties - i'd have faded out quickly.

    A sport may be better, and there are options which are not so socially pressing. I'm told tennis, badminton and squash are good for meeting people - but my hand eye coordination is atrocious and I cannot seem to follow the rules. With some sports if you can be a hanger on - hang out with people who are good at it without having to do much of it yourself.  If you take an interest in sailing or canoing, or in motor sports, you can be involved as a bystander and meet people. You can get involved doing the odd jobs around a sport, which helps meet people.

    I think though the paramount problem is how effective you are connecting - one to one. If your eye contact is lousy that's going to make things very hard, because forming a relationship ceases to be about words, and more about responding in an expected intimate way to little gestures and looks. Well don't ask me how its done!

    If you can connect 1-2-1 with someone, that will make things a whole lot easier. All you now have to do is get in a group somewhere where there are people around and mixing.

    Yes people can meet up by complete chance, without others around. But most relationships arise because the two people were both regular associates in a wider crowd.

Children
No Data