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Serious question about love

Dogtooth

Hey all,

So i have a genuine question which has been bothering me for some time. 

When i was diagnosed one part of feedback i received was it was clear i struggle to understand happiness. Since then a therapist has also honed in on the lack of my understanding and experiencing happiness. 

So my wife and i are going through marital problems. I tell her i love her, and i suppose i believe it as well, but how do i know? If we were to split i would move on just fine. Same with any relationship i have or have ever had, romantic or otherwise. 

Im not cold. I am however questioning my ability to really love. How do any of us know? I can only draw on my own experiences and i enjoy being around my wife. I dont need her. 

My pattern of life is brief intense infatuation with people or things, becoming quite obsessive and unhealthy. Then almost a nothing. Like the fire burns quick and hot and then disappears. 

Its not a nice way to be. 

Anyone have any insight or experiences of their own? 

Thanks 

Dog

  • When the fire burns away, you'd still be lost without that person, because they understand you like no one else can and you understand and would do anything for them. That's love.

    One like that in my life. Love him till I die. Sadly lost in the mist of his own problem, just now. But when the mist clears, I will be there as I always was. Meanwhile, I'll survive alone. No one else holds any interest for me.

    Mind you, pretty convinced, he's autistic too.

  • I had friends who loved me but I don't think I ever truly felt or appreciated it. I question if I had the ability to. 

  • This might not be as bad as you think it is- it's quite healthy to be with someone because you enjoy being around them but to also know that you would be fine on your own. I would say that's a much better way to be than to feel as if you can't possibly live without the other person (in a romantic/emotional sense, rather than needing someone around to help out). It shows that you genuinely like your wife and are consciously choosing to spend time with her- if that's not love, what is?

    It may also be worth looking into the concept of being aromantic. It might not be quite what's going on for you, but it might help to hear about the relationship experiences of people who know they don't feel romantic love and are happy regardless.

  • in reply to Dogtooth

    Thank you. I know Im blessed, we believe our over-the-rainbow cats brought us together 

  • in reply to Alice-nice-Alice

    You are blessed. That is really nice to hear. 

    Im pleased you are happy. 

  • An older version of me could have written that, and neither I then or your post understood love. But I have changed and the very clear reason is my now partner Hazel. Our communication and commitment and shared passion and interests are unlike anything I have ever experienced and yes, now and only now I truly experience and understand love, a love which is two way and truly unconditional. Emma