How do people see you?

I've tried being 'me' lots of times but it feels like life will be easier for me if I'm masked.

Most people don't want to know the real me. Only people here seem to like me when I'm not masking.

At school I wouldn't be popular or have friends if I didn't mask but as another member said, I pay the price for masking later on.

But it's something I'm trying to work on as I feel like I should be myself but for now it's not really an option.

Most people would see the masked me. However I am glad things have changed. I became aware of my autism in recent years.

When I was growing up in the 60s and 70s, if things were difficult my parents encouraged me to grin and bear it. I now understand the things I found difficult and made me feel awkward about myself.

I can remember friends trying to encourage me to wear trendy clothes because it looked better. I can remember sitting in discos waiting for time to go home as I couldn't understand things people were saying to me. I can remember at college struggling when I had to share a room and being relieved when someone left and I could have a room to myself.

I remember going to social things and longing for the time I could go home. I can remember changing classes in a busy high school and feeling like I might fall on the stairs which now I believe was the stress. I remember my parents not understanding and also not understanding my wanting to spend time alone in my room. I did like to have company sometimes and meet friends, but when I could cope with it.

I still mask in public, but it is helpful my husband understands so I can unmask at home.  I guess others see someone who is a bit awkward and doesn't like social gatherings.

I think for me the years of masking has taken its toll. I am fortunate at work now my immediate managers are aware and take this into consideration if I need to make adjustments or take some time out.

I wouldn't say i mock, but I am aware of the absurdities in how others behave.
... but whatever helps keep you sane! :-)

I try to be polite, in public, while in the background mocking others. 

Trisha said:

It's exhausting masking this much but I do because it's the only way I can function and get through each day.

Who are you masking for?

If it is so you don't stand out then consider the benefit to yourself to being authentic and if it isn't too extreme then stop trying to be something you are not - your colleagues will get used to it soon enough and I always found there was a actually some respect to be found from not giving a shot about what the others think.

For me - others saw me as a bit odd, lacking in social interest (eg not wanting to out for drinks after work every week) and easy to make a joke out of (that was easy to turn back on them by pointing out publically that they were mocking someone with a disability that was not cool).

The energy you get back from not masking is quite significant as is the confidence that you can be yourself - the tricky part was overcoming the self conciousness of doing this. Luckily my therapist was great at helping me do this.

At the end of the day, if you can't be the real you, who are you being?

Pragmatically though, it is best to dial down some behaviours that may upset others, but is some ways that is like not farting in public - you may feel you need to do it sometimes but it can be held until the appropriate time (eg in difficult exam where a little chaos is a welcome distraction ;) )

It really is a dual life.  I am acutely aware that no-one really knows me at all.  The performance is all anyone sees.  
I live alone and gave up socializing irl a long time ago.  Now that i know I am autistic, I am trying to be a bit more social, but it is hard - I have no idea how to manage social relationships.

They see the masking me, but the masking me isn't really an "opposite" me, it's just a blank with minimal visible interests and personality. Just keep quiet and staying in the background... My wife thinks that this looks weirder than a non-masking me would look and she's probably right.

I've never been very good at masking so I imagine most of the time people see through it.

Well maybe I never did manage to create a particularly good mask. My roommate told me in my first year at uni told me the 0thers all thought I was the strangest person they had ever met. Well, cheers!!

Positively I have been called self sufficient, independent, but rather cool and aloof too. And eccentric. Maybe a bit naive about things and a tendency to fly off rhe handle. It seens I don't always respond to other people in ways tbey might hope for. Looking for group social acceprance usually lies in failure so I don't bother any more, it ends in tears. I've been calked selfish too butvI do't go out of my way to actively hurt other people to get what I want. 

Only my wife ever sees the real me, if we are out people think I’m very quick thinking and witty, the truth is I am just trying to be accepted, inside I would rather not even talk. I try to be sociable for my wife’s sake but as most of us know, there’s a price to be paid afterwards.

Definitely the me that's masking. Even when I don't know it.

Sometimes I'm able to let a little bit of the 'real me' come out but not enough to the point I'm actually comfortable.