Published on 12, July, 2020
I just put my phone on "do not disturb" for 3 days straight because I was sick of people calling me to talk. I have a life. I need to accomplish activities of daily living. I want to focus my energy on learning something cool. I can't be stuck on the phone listening to whatever the hell someone wants to talk about and focus on every detail to seem like I am paying attention and care. If the topic is more than 10 minutes, I don't care. I don't care that their coworker is on vacation in Cancun or that their daughter had another weekly track meet. And, I absolutely do not want to "chat" (code for "I'm going to tell you unimportant rambles only for the sake that you pay attention to me") when I'm out of the house running errands. Still, I have a few people (including family), that like to interrupt me when I'm speaking just go on and on about pointless topics that I'm sure include exaggerations to get a "wow" from me. The "wow" I'm going to give them is from thinking, "Wow, you just interrupted me and changed the subject back to you." One friend can talk to me for 3 hours straight! How do they get anything done?? So now, I'm getting text messages asking me if I'm okay or discussing some "tragic" issue so when I respond they know I'm available and call me immediately. Nope, I'm ignoring those too. Yet, I'm the rude one for ignoring them and holding my boundaries after I explicitly tell everyone I know I hate talking on the phone. It's distracting, overwhelming, and exhausting to give up one hand to hold the phone on my ear and give up my attention for so long. I can do that maybe once a month, but not multiple times a week, ugh! How can someone talk everyday for hours on the phone? Do they not enjoy quiet time to think? How do they come up with things to say if they don't think about them? It's just a straight stream without any planning or consideration. How can they just live like machines that seem to have an endless tank of gas? Does anyone else feel the same, or am I a bit of an unhinged jerk? The last one is a serious question.
My request to Android and Apple:
Please make an option to block incoming calls by redirecting it to a message that says, "The person you are calling is okay and has decided to take a break from speaking on the phone to focus on themselves. They will receive a notification of your call when they turn off the self-care option and let you know when they are available to have a telephone conversation once they are ready by calling you." This option would also prevent them from leaving a voicemail and the recipient will not receive any notifications until it is turned back off. Of course, it will also have the option to allow certain numbers to bypass the block or block only certain numbers. We can call the option "Autism Time" so we feel good about using it because it's about establishing the freedom to be ourselves. Another idea would be to block anyone from calling back-to-back to insist I answer when you missed their first call and put that number on an Autism Time block for a while. Eventually, people will start learning that if they want access to someone on the phone, they need to prevent burning the recipient out. Okay, rant over...Sorry for that.
If anyone reads through that mess and responds in a supportive manner, I would appreciate it very much because I feel like someone stuck a blender in my brain.
Have an option to say my phone signal is weak as my town is patchy. One of my friends wants to meet me all the time, I dont WhatsApp her often. Comes unannounced. Another idea is this person is unwell.
Ooh! That's a great idea. Thank you. I'll have to see if there is a way for me to select certain people that can bypass it because I have 3 friends that I want to have access to me at all times. Luckily, the Do Not Disturb setting has that option.
The driving one is good. Your friends will know the score, but casual callers will not.
I went through a spell of telling the person that: "you can't speak to her, pause, she's dead, I killed her in a stupid argument, I don't know what to do" etc.
Worked like gangbusters for getting most of them off the line real quick!
Until I got the one earnest Indian sounding guy who carefully advised me how to effectively flee the scene and encouraged me to do so...
Suddenly, it wasn't so funny any longer.
These are all great suggestions. Thank you. I think some of these people I'm referring to just do not respect boundaries because they think I need to socialize more and I don't know it. I gotta figure something out because it's been driving me crazy for a while now.
Lenny, from New Zealand.
I don't use a mobile phone to chat, mine is a very old one for emergencies only. On my land line the wireless handsets need new batteries so they only last about 20 mins and then I have to tell the person, sorry my phone batteries are about to die. This can be quite annoying, but it's usually plenty for most things. So you could try pretending your phone batteries were running out? But you should try just saying "sorry I only have ten minutes for this phone call so get the main point out fast if there is one" and then when it reaches ten minutes just say "sorry my brain is full now", or "sorry I have to go now" or whatever.
I mean, nobody can force you to not hang up your phone! You need to enforce your own boundaries a bit more, in a polite but firm way. And if you don't want calls for a while, just turn your phone off?
I think that's not enough, I want an app that will cause telesales equipment to spontaneously combust whilst the agent is mid spiel, so I can hear the shrieking...
Too much?
Thank God that few disturb me, but a few workmen arrive unannounced. But those men work outside, so less bother.
I used the day to catch up with housework.