School bullies

Seriously take him out of school and refuse to put your son through that until they sort out the hideous bullies that R responsible. My son was bullied and he only told me years after LEAVING school and not when it was happening..which to my horror I found out they were kicking him.in the spine kicked him on the floor..he doesn't talk you see..you need to be hyper aware as he might not be able to vocalise everything that could be going on with asd they can have a problem with not being able to verbalise what's happening so what if he is unable to tell you everything. I would seriously take him out of there.

Why can't they separate them?  I'd want to know what they are doing about these lads.  Bullies generally have their own problems, but what are they doing to make sure they understand that picking on other kids is not acceptable.  The teachers need to be watching this in the playground and your lad needs a safe space to go to.

Dealing with bullying is a very complex and difficult situation.  Doing nothing is bad, doing the wrong thing can make the situation worse.

I remember a TV program where a policeman advised a boy to face up to the bullies and stop being a doormat. So the boy took a brick and smashed the bully over the head with it.  That obviously escalated the situation.  And the bullied is now the aggressor with a criminal record.

How lovely

One particular boy has a narcissist mum who is just awful so I can’t even talk to the parent. Staff have said they watch him but still things happen every day. 
Tbey tried listening ear club with the bullies telling them about an invisible bubble around them they can’t get past. When they walked out the other boy got in his face and went ‘pop’. 

dancing is good...

i did kung fu myself, and i ended up changing how i move through kung fu and people always commented i moved like a dancer lol

Thank you 

Thank you. He did try taekwondo but he was so fixed with the numbers counting the points he forgot to actually do any martial arts

He does a lot of dancing, not helpful with the bulking, but that’s his safe space. And so I’m hoping he’ll be a muscly ballerina when he’s older. 

Hi Helen, welcome.

Good for you for listening to your son and seeing how he's reacting to everything. I wish my own parents had been as keen on how I was doing at school!

I see you've had a lot of helpful replies already so just want to say good job and take things slowly.

It's a journey for you and your son and together you will get through the difficult times.

true... most of my bullies grew up to become druggies, drug dealers, criminals, murderers... most of them are in jail now. if teachers catch bullying they can perhaps change these bullies future from a life of jail to a productive normal life.

your son is doing the right thing by lashing back at them. that alone is probably going to limit and solve alot of the problems.

i didnt lash back myself, so my problems got constantly prolonged. i wanted to stick to rules and the thought of getting told off made me sad so i never usually fought back which made it much much worse.... so your kids doing very good by fighting back and he shouldnt ever be told off for that but instead praised for it. never make fighting back a thing that he gets told off for as that would make him sad and could tie his hands and make it worse.

send him to martial arts classes so that he can fight back even better and even the odds. that is the best way to help him... it will also open up new friends for him, give him a new hobby... and the training alone if it has physical exercise and body building into it will put the bullies off anyway without a fight as they see your kid becoming more assertive and confident and also more physical looking.

The school should be more proactive. They should be getting the bullies together with your son and talking through their behaviour, why they are doing what they are doing and what the consequences are for all concerned. The long-term outcomes for bullies are almost as bad as for the bullied. In the playground, it might be useful to ask your son to remain in the eyeline of the staff member on playground duty. This ought to cut down on the opportunity for unpleasant interactions.

You’re here and you’re learning which is the most important thing you can do! It’s a journey. 

Thank you. I’ll listen to that now. 
apologies for the language too. I don’t have a piece of paper to say the proper terminology as we haven’t had a diagnosis yet (was a bit slow to realise). 
I’ve noticed some masking already. He’s not a hugger or kisser or says words of affection but every now and again he might do it and it now seems odd to me that he does. 
appreciate your support. 

Hi Helen.

Coincidentally was listening to a podcast this morning that touched upon exactly this sort of thing which you may find useful.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p08zm2j2

I’m not trying to offend or criticise, but I would be cautious around the thoughts of “high functioning” and “but he’s ok”. I wasn’t diagnosed growing up but my parents were fairly aware I was autistic and had a very similar mentality to this and around 7 years old is when I started to actively mask around them and hide my struggles. 

Be prepared to fight the school on this, as they should have a support plan and measure in place to help your child, and they certainly should not be tolerating bullying. If they don’t have such things in place, then honestly, start looking for a different school, but that’s just my opinion that might be a bit heavy handed.

Hope the podcast helps.

Dan.