Help me !!!!!!

I really feel for you, I struggle badly with Aspergers, depression, anxiety and stress, sometimes I can barely look after myself so how I would cope with a child too I simply don't know.

I tend to be very hard on myself when I'm stuffing up at work and people tell me to go easy on myself - I'm sensing that maybe you need to do the same.  My therapist tells me to work on self compassion / self forgiveness although I'm not really sure what that means in practice.

You can't be perfect and you are clearly coping with a lot.  I remember how difficult it was for my parents when I was a child.  It's also clear that you love your child.  In my book that makes you a good person in a difficult situation not a bad parent.

I came here tonight for something else, caught your message and had to respond.

I work with youngsters on the ASD spectrum and see something of what they go through.  Unfortunately they tend not to know what I have been through and what helps me, often if not always, to understand.

Almost 30 years ago my first wife gave birth to a daughter whose handicaps, discovered only in the first few weeks of her life, were almost beyond description.  She was blind, epileptic, with a fitting rate at times of 100 fits to the minute, would never walk, talk or do anything for herself, had severe cerebral palsy and more besides. She was also the most beautiful human being I have ever known.

In the four and a half years of her difficult, hugely demanding life, whilst faced with the prospect of changing her nappies into her adulthood, of cleaning up day after day for decades the food she would regurgitate after hours of dreadfully slow feeding, there were times when I got mad, times when I thought horrible things.  If I didn't say them much it was probably because I knew she was totally uncomprehending, so it was a waste of time.

At times I hated myself.

The truth is, though, that the hate I expressed - and have heard others admit to expressing - was not of her.  It is the condition we hate, the condition we want to shout at, the gross, grotesque unfairness of a life so very different from our peers, so very much not understood by those who haven't experienced it.  It is the judgement of others, the so-called professionals sometimes, the man and woman in the street, those who tell us they will pray for us and expect our gratitude when we'd give so much more if they'd volunteer just the occasional cup of tea.

It's the bereavement first experienced when you discover your child is not quite what you expected them to be, is something that the nurses and midwives and doctors never warned you that it might be, and it's the endless, remorseless pursuit of justice and fairness for your child, for any siblings they may have and for yourselves.

A bad mother would not have asked the question.  The bad mother is absolutely sure she's the most perfect mother in the world.

You love your son.  It would hurt so much less if you didn't.  And it's probably not easy to make it clear to him how much you love him.  You are having a tough, awful, horrible time which, for me, was like hanging onto a cliff face by my fingertips, in the dark, in the rain, screaming a scream that no-one else ever heard but which I still remember and still aches in my chest 22 years after my beloved's death.

Forgive yourself.  Love yourself.  You are entitled to.  Do the best, then, that you can, just as you have been doing.

God has long been a stranger to me - a very bad, very old joke.  'Good' Bless you, lady.  You deserve it.

Hi - I don't think the school are fantastic.  Maybe they think they are!  Has your son got a statement of educational needs so he gets the support he needs at school?  Also do you now think he's at the right school or would be be better off at another mainstream school or an autism-specific school where they understood + could meet his needs?  Right, that's the questions over with.  As a parent I really feel for you.  It's the disappointment, frustration etc.  I'd guess hopes were quite high about him starting his new school, which appeared to be a good 1.  Then comes the disappointment.  The need to release that emotion, then the regret at taking it out on him.  Then the thought that you're the worst mum in the world.  Rationally you know you're not + you wish you hadn't said what you sd, probably thru disappointment + frustration.  We echo our children's pain.  If I were you I'd say sorry to him + explain why it happened.  Then I'd apply myself to sorting things out so you both can move on, placing his needs as an aspie as your top priority.  If things improve for him, then they'll improve for you.

I don't know what to say to you.  Recognising the problem is half the battle. The other half is doing something about it.  Change how you are with your poor son, he has a hard enough life living with ASC, please try to understand and help/support him, don't make him feel alone with his situation.