Depression and possible Autism/Aspergers

Hello, I'm new here but I've been researching and learning from this site and community for quite some time now and have come to the conclusion that my brother could be somewhere on the spectrum.

He's 31 and has always been a fairly lonely guy and never had many friends. Since reading these forums I have noticed he has a number of traits. Now, I could be completely wrong about this but it might be something worth exploring.

The problem is that he is currently suffering with quite severe depression. This all came to a head a few years ago when he came out and told us he's gay. I'm also gay and came out when I was about 18 but my mother didn't react well to the news so he's kept it to himself for about 10 years. I can't imagine what that's done to him and I feel so sorry for him.

He's being treated for the depression and has counselling but my question to you guys is whether the depression should be dealt with before bringing up the possibility of him being on the spectrum. On one hand, if he is on the spectrum, it may help him to understand how he's feeling. On the other, it could confuse things and make things worse.

I'd really appreciate any thoughts, ideas and suggestions on this and if you have any questions, please do ask.

Thanks for reading.

longman over 12 years ago

I felt I really need to emphasise a couple of points in the above.
1. There does seem to be a case that some people on the autistic spectrum can perceive themselves to be gay when they are not - but simply responding to other factors.
2, People on the spectrum who identify gay may not find it easy to be accepted because of differences in their make-up.
These issues just aren't being addressed, yet must mess up a lot of lives. Because everyone it seems is too squeamish to give it the time it desrves.
longman over 12 years ago

It seems ironic in retrospect, but up until about twenty-five years ago, when the legal situation was not helpful, some psychologists/psychiatrists treating people with communication difficulties suggested they went to gay venues. The reasoning was that these environments would be less judgemental, and a person who had difficulty socialising might "loosen up" in a gay club, and get more confident.
This probably has parallels with the way many people who are not gay go to gay clubs because there is less aggressiveness and rivalry.
That may not necessarily be true, and particularly in an age where people use chat rooms to socialise, more than actually going out, it seems that gay environments can be unusually harsh. Rather than physical aggressiveness, it is a much more psychologically damaging environment. People get hurt, self esteem damaged, confidence zapped.
The symptoms could be not dissimilar to what people on the autistic spectrum feel about normal socialising. Added to which people have considerable anxieties about their health, not without reason. And it isn't so easy to ask people for advice.
So while an autistic spectrum explanation might apply, consider first whether your brother is experiencing exclusion and isolation.
On the other hand, for some reason, which no-one seems willing to explain, a surpringly high percentage of people on the autistic spectrum are gay; I've heard suggested three times more likely. However it has to do with ambiguous sexualities associated with autism, so they may seem gay, but not actually be gay (if that makes sense). Some of your brother's difficulties may be that some of his gay identity owes more to aspergers, and he is finding he is puzzlingly different.
I find the reticence on this site to discuss the "gay" issue baffling. Notwithstanding I appreciate people's sensitivities about the subject, but it is a very important factior in autism, so why is everyone being so twee about it? Many parents out there have potentially gay children, more likely than with NT children, so shouldn't this be addressed.