Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I was wondering if anyone else experiences this. I am really burnt out and struggling at the moment and I have noticed that I have this constant need to 'be productive'. It is making it very hard for me to rest and even more so as I currently cannot engage with my special interests and don't have any activities which I enjoy- this makes resting even harder as I just feel like an utter failure and hate myself when I don't do anything or when I make myself do an activity I don't enjoy for the sake of relaxing.
It's become so bad that I have noticed that I am (subconciously?) self-sabotaging myself as I will only allow myself to rest/ do mindless/useless activities if I am feeling really unwell or ill- I have a lot of issues with digestion and food and I have the past days been so frustrated with myself that I made myself eat things that I knew would set off my IBS and make me nauseaus and unwell... which just makes me then feel more stupid and upset.
I've noticed that I just cannot let myself 'stop' or pause unless I have something to do which I find 'worth it' and very enjoyable or if I am very ill/unwell or if there is NO need/ pressure to do anything (possibly...) but I have all these things that I need to do (but am in part just not really up to doing yet.... like writing a research proposal and sorting out yet another international move)...
I have no idea how I can challenge this belief and stop the self-sabotage which is making me very unhappy. I wish I had a hobby I loved that I could do but sadly I don't.
Can anyone relate to this? Any ideas on how to challenge this?
I don't think you fully appreciate the NEED to rest and do activities you enjoy.
Resting is not a luxury in the same sense as sleeping is optional and only if we have time.
I believe that you need to reassess your mindset. Resting needs to be included in your day plan as its own deliverable and achieving it should be rewarded not resented!
I find that allocating time for certain activities helps start them.. the most difficult part is the beginning, so just start simple, create a word document, name it appropriately, fix the format etc etc and once the prep is finished, you will naturally flow into doing the proposal.
As to a huge task like planning an international move, there could be an element of hesitation there, so try and remember why you are doing it and get excited about it.. to help motivate you to start the planning.
I love the fact that you have identified the beginning as the most difficult part. I love hearing solutions on how to begin. I do only ‘one second of work’ as a way of starting. In other words I allow for that as a perfectly acceptable amount of time. I can start if I know o only have to do one second of work. Once I have started I am often happy to continue. Taking pressure off is sometimes very welcome to me.
One second of work.. interesting concept
I do get scared starting new things all the time, but I find that identifying that and working through it helps overcome it, but the "one second of work" is new to me.. will try it, although maybe iincreased to a slightly higher amount like 5 or 10 minutes or something, as I can't do anything in a second