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Have no idea what to do with life.

NAS82874

Hi,

I hope this is the right place to post this. I’m still waiting for my autism assessment but I’ve been told by few professionals that I’m highly like to be on the spectrum and they where the ones urged me to get diagnosed. So, I’m hoping it’s okay for me to ask this here. 

I only started realising that I’m not really that independent after I started university. I mostly can’t cook, I’m really bad at going to places even get lost in familiar places sometimes. I don’t really know how to social despite really want to. The list goes on but I’m not going to bother you guys with it.

I probably will finish university this May, although I’m trying to defer but that hasn’t been set in stone yet. (Plus communicating with my department has been such a pain)

Ever since my final year started, I’m so anxious about my future. I don’t have a place I can call it my hometown, my family isn’t supportive. I couldn’t find internships during first and second years of university, I did try but always get rejected. I started applying for jobs the summer prior my final year, yet I only got two interviews and 0 offers. I also already failed one module and are not getting an honours degree. I’m now afraid that I might not even getting an ordinary degree because I can’t cope with my dissertation at all. 

I've been trying to talk to some people online especially different autism communities. Some suggested me to apply for PIP which I did(still haven’t received the form, it took me few months to mentally prepare for applying), but I’m not sure if I will get that since I almost never went to my GP before even if I needed health care and have almost to no evidence. I also tried to talk to my university about my situation but I don’t think I can express myself well and so far they haven’t been that understanding.

Most people on my course were talking about jobs they have been offered, further studies, or even ones who’s not having any ideas what to do can still go home and rely on their parents for a while. 

However, me on the other hand have no idea what I can do and I don’t even know where to go after graduation. I looked into homeless help and stuff but am really confused. I don’t have a place where I have “local connections” to be considered residents there. I feel like I’m under no council if that makes any sense. 

I tried to speak to my GP, but they don’t seem to understand me well. And I’m not great at asking for help either. 

I don’t think many people have similar experiences as me. At least I can’t find any in real life that has had similar experiences as me. I’ve been to one local ND support group and my university’s ND group plus disabled student society. No one so far related to me. I feel like even in the neurodivergent community I’m the odd one out.

My initial plan was to find a job and I will have a place to live then go from there. But now it seems impossible to find a job, and I might end up with no much qualifications. I know I can also work in cafes or supermarkets. But somehow I get lost in the only supermarket I go to as well, and I always been really clumsy so I drop things a lot and hurt myself before because of that. So I’m not sure I can even do jobs that don’t require qualifications. 

People I’ve been talking to, all told me to try harder. I know this sounds silly and nobody believes me, but I actually have been trying my hardest. I don’t really understand why I find things so difficult when others can just do them easily. It even takes me ages to eat and when I was younger I didn’t even eat any vegetables and only ate beef and fruit also refused to drink water. I was so picky that I can skip so many meals. Now I can eat bit more varieties compared with before, but I still struggle with it a lot and on average I can only force myself to eat one to two meals a day and I’m always left hungry and have tons of leftovers. There are also days I go without any food, then feeling guilty and scared for myself. 

I also looked into self-employment but I feel like I have no skills. I’m always been lonely, desperate and confused. Does anyone have any suggestions for me as to what to do? 

(Sorry if I’ve made mistakes in grammar and/or spelling, and if I wasn’t being clear on something please point it out I will try my best to explain).

Parents

  • Hey.


    Yes; You are not wrong to post here. I was undiagnosed two weeks ago, and I am diagnosed now. So I can appreciate where you are coming from, feeling like an imposter, but you do have a place here, and the community are always around to reply.


    I would advise that if you have an assessment booked with a autism screening provider, you should entreat them for an earlier appointment, as the waiting time is negatively affecting you. 
    On the bright side, if you are in university, you have a remarkable head start on I, as I had to wait until 27<28 for my screening.  


    On the other side of the diagnosis, I have found a remarkable amount of resources waiting, especially regarding guaranteed interviews (with some employers) and courses; There is a mountain of university resources available. So chin up, you are not far away from an answer, some of us wait a lifetime for help.  

    It’s not too easy to fall in the UK, as daunting as it may seem, as there are a multitude of agencies waiting to be embraced by the diligent. Remember that, depressive attacks go as quickly as they come, you can wait for the dust to settle before you call a situation hopeless, I hope that you get the support that is right for you.

Reply

  • Hey.


    Yes; You are not wrong to post here. I was undiagnosed two weeks ago, and I am diagnosed now. So I can appreciate where you are coming from, feeling like an imposter, but you do have a place here, and the community are always around to reply.


    I would advise that if you have an assessment booked with a autism screening provider, you should entreat them for an earlier appointment, as the waiting time is negatively affecting you. 
    On the bright side, if you are in university, you have a remarkable head start on I, as I had to wait until 27<28 for my screening.  


    On the other side of the diagnosis, I have found a remarkable amount of resources waiting, especially regarding guaranteed interviews (with some employers) and courses; There is a mountain of university resources available. So chin up, you are not far away from an answer, some of us wait a lifetime for help.  

    It’s not too easy to fall in the UK, as daunting as it may seem, as there are a multitude of agencies waiting to be embraced by the diligent. Remember that, depressive attacks go as quickly as they come, you can wait for the dust to settle before you call a situation hopeless, I hope that you get the support that is right for you.

Children
  • in reply to DeSpereaux

    I’d also like to add to a few points regarding homeless (local connections issue), university trials and tribulations, and psychological blocks.

    On homelessness, I was homeless for a long time after my ‘college-try’ (sofa surfing, shelters, beds it’s, and rough sleeping). I went to the YMCA, after I was not told about them for years, I never had an issue with the ‘local-connection’ after I used my university lecturer for a reference. I lived in shared accommodation and consequently did not pay council tax. I then moved into a bedsit, run by the YMCA after much catastrophising, I had my Council Tax reduced to zero on account of my impoverished state. So please don’t fret about homelessness, and if you need it please consider the YMCA, your negative automatic thoughts are worse than the reality.

    On employment I have to say that the hardships that the workplace put me through; is well documented and similar in AS literature. I can only tell you that that, the Autism Support Groups and resources offered to the Autism community will offset a lot of that load, you may never even have to see the ugly side of the neurotypical world, here’s to hoping.

    On the point of psychological blocks, in the absence of a diagnosis and the attached resources, I have found that reading has helped alot. Before my diagnosis I had a CBT stint that focus on perfectionism and negative automatic thoughts, although it did not get to the core of the problem, it did help me to analyse and mitigate the psychological demands, that my environment has exposed me to over the years. If nothing else read fiction, as it can at least give you the mental dexterity it requires to be atypical in a typical world.

    In as much as University is concerned I had a terrible time at University, as I found that I had no support with the social impairment and the executive function issues that I have, I found that my life prior to University had little exposed me to what I found there. It was decided that after spending three years in a constant state of overload, shut down and meltdown; I had earned the right to pass my honours degree despite having been reduced to a catatonic, mute mess just after I managed to push my dissertation over the line. I think that the resources and considerations that can be provided to you, once you have your diagnosis, will greatly increase your support and even enjoyment of your university experience. So I say again that if you entreat the service provider responsible for your screening, the manager may consider moving you ahead as a  priority. 

    I hope this digression helps in some small way, I know that it is the greater part of the torture to wait, your time will come and far sooner that it did for me!

  • in reply to DeSpereaux

    Thanks for letting me know. 
    I have had appointments with the career office so far it hasn’t been that helpful but I will keep trying until I get somewhere.