Have no idea what to do with life.

Thank you so much for your reply. I really appreciate it.

I will try to adjust to the world from a different perspective since now I’ve learned more about myself. 

As for interests, yes I do have a lot of interests but because of ADHD. It can be quite difficult for me to stay on the same task. I did want to learn a lot of stuff related to some of my uncommon hobbies but never had the opportunity. However, after university when I have more time to manage I’m sure I will be able to develop more skills even if i wasn’t successful in the end I can still enjoy the journey. 

I wish that I could say that this  kind of battling was different when I went to university, I never fought harder against myself or against the neurotypical world as I did at university. Reading the tip-of-the-iceberg, that I am sure your comments are, is cathartic to me.
The jewel-in-the-crown of autism, is the ability to systemise our exposure to our interests, so I say that the more you expose yourself to your ‘obsession’, as autistic interest is sometimes called, the more powerful you will become.
I found the ‘neurotypical’ university experience to be quite difficult, and others found it difficult to experience me, I found my strength in making the most of my interests and absorbing my gain. In essence I think that ‘neurotypical’ schooling has been the biggest hinderance to my education. I think that you will be quite amazed when you finally realise that you are not alone; and quite amazed that there is a way to interact with the world that will make you endlessly more efficient and comfortable.

Try not to throw aside your pencil and be discouraged by the ‘neurotypical’ experience, people on the autistic spectrum do their best work when they practice their interest, so pick up your pencil and carry on.
I’m rambling on a bit now, but I hope you can appreciate that I only doffed the armour of despair two weeks ago, when I see an individual walking similar steps I cannot help but offer my insights. One should not have to don that shroud; I hope that you succeed and do not have to cater to survival alone.

I think that it is better for me to have written to much than to leave a conversation incomplete, the best thing you can have in these moments is confidence, don’t feel as if you are defective because you been running a race with a handicap. An Anthropologist on mars is not unintelligent because he does not understand Mars as well as Martians; you will grow in confidence and skill once you have an appropriate support network, as would an Anthropologist on Mars.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

You are welcome.  I know how it feels to not know what to do, now, or in the future.  Its a bummer....but we just need to allow ourselves time to work things out at our own pace.....and without too much external pressure and intervention.  It will come good - I'm sure.  You write like a wise one.

Thank you! 

Thank you for your kind words. I’m hoping to get more time to do my dissertation but so far my department is quite dismissive and isn’t processing my request.

Yes I think I might have dyspraxia, but there’s no free assessment for adult and no help even if I get diagnosed (at least when I asked this is what I’ve been told) 

Hello 82874 - I am Number.

It sounds to me like you are going to need a while to get things clear in your own head.  You describe your situation with some uncertainty, so you might feel more happy and secure if you can KNOW some stuff about what you are going to do when Uni finishes.

I think it would be a good idea for you to stay in the uni city for now.  There are some pretty good deals available over the summer when most students have moved on.  Perhaps get yourself a local job with hours that you can increase when your studying has finished.

Don't put pressure on yourself to do what everyone else is doing - leaving and getting "professional" jobs........you need to give yourself a bit of time mate......so find yourself a quiet and "known" life for the rest of this year and then see how you are feeling then.

I think if you can find some CERTAINTY about what will happen after May, then you will immediately feel much happier and then will be able to think more clearly.

Stick around - we are quite a helpful bunch.

Kind regards

Number.

Thank you so much for your detailed response! I will have a look at YMCA.

As for my university, I also have other learning difficulties so I’m in contact with the disability department. However, they’re only helpful on getting me about two weeks worth of extensions(which did help me). They also tried to connect my department on my behalf but didn’t really want to do much when my department is really slow on responding and quite dismissive. This along put a lot of stress on me, because ideally I would like to have more time to do my dissertation and especially this year I have been occupied with many other personal issues so I spent almost to none time on my study.

I’d also like to add to a few points regarding homeless (local connections issue), university trials and tribulations, and psychological blocks.

On homelessness, I was homeless for a long time after my ‘college-try’ (sofa surfing, shelters, beds it’s, and rough sleeping). I went to the YMCA, after I was not told about them for years, I never had an issue with the ‘local-connection’ after I used my university lecturer for a reference. I lived in shared accommodation and consequently did not pay council tax. I then moved into a bedsit, run by the YMCA after much catastrophising, I had my Council Tax reduced to zero on account of my impoverished state. So please don’t fret about homelessness, and if you need it please consider the YMCA, your negative automatic thoughts are worse than the reality.

On employment I have to say that the hardships that the workplace put me through; is well documented and similar in AS literature. I can only tell you that that, the Autism Support Groups and resources offered to the Autism community will offset a lot of that load, you may never even have to see the ugly side of the neurotypical world, here’s to hoping.

On the point of psychological blocks, in the absence of a diagnosis and the attached resources, I have found that reading has helped alot. Before my diagnosis I had a CBT stint that focus on perfectionism and negative automatic thoughts, although it did not get to the core of the problem, it did help me to analyse and mitigate the psychological demands, that my environment has exposed me to over the years. If nothing else read fiction, as it can at least give you the mental dexterity it requires to be atypical in a typical world.

In as much as University is concerned I had a terrible time at University, as I found that I had no support with the social impairment and the executive function issues that I have, I found that my life prior to University had little exposed me to what I found there. It was decided that after spending three years in a constant state of overload, shut down and meltdown; I had earned the right to pass my honours degree despite having been reduced to a catatonic, mute mess just after I managed to push my dissertation over the line. I think that the resources and considerations that can be provided to you, once you have your diagnosis, will greatly increase your support and even enjoyment of your university experience. So I say again that if you entreat the service provider responsible for your screening, the manager may consider moving you ahead as a  priority. 

I hope this digression helps in some small way, I know that it is the greater part of the torture to wait, your time will come and far sooner that it did for me!

You may be able to get some support from the NAS Transitions Support Helpline 

https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/transition-support-service

The transition support helpline/case work service provides advice and support to young autistic people and their families on making the transition from school, further or higher education to adult life.

NAS82874 said:

People I’ve been talking to, all told me to try harder. I know this sounds silly and nobody believes me, but I actually have been trying my hardest. I don’t really understand why I find things so difficult when others can just do them easily.

Sadly this is an all too common experience for autistic people of all ages. There was a discussion on here just a few days ago about the lack of understanding from others for things we find difficult or challenging.

Your experience is how you experience the world and unique to you. Please try not to let comments from others affect you. If you need more support or more time to do something that is what should happen. It is not your fault and not because you are not trying hard enough. People telling you to try harder are not being helpful or understanding. 

NAS82874 said:

always been really clumsy so I drop things a lot and hurt myself before because of that

It's possible this is due to dyspraxia, which is fairly common in autistic people.

Thank you. I hope everything goes well with you too!

That's okay, I hope it gets better for you and you get the help you need with this, it sounds like a tough time rn, but with the right support to help you make those transitions it should pass.

Thanks for letting me know. 
I have had appointments with the career office so far it hasn’t been that helpful but I will keep trying until I get somewhere.

Thanks for replying. I have contacted my university’s student support and disability department. They have both been trying to communicate on my behalf with my department, yet my department is still not they responsive. 

I don’t really like the city of my university, but if it comes to it I will try to stay here. Thank for letting me know the possibility. 

Hey.

Yes; You are not wrong to post here. I was undiagnosed two weeks ago, and I am diagnosed now. So I can appreciate where you are coming from, feeling like an imposter, but you do have a place here, and the community are always around to reply.

I would advise that if you have an assessment booked with a autism screening provider, you should entreat them for an earlier appointment, as the waiting time is negatively affecting you. 
On the bright side, if you are in university, you have a remarkable head start on I, as I had to wait until 27<28 for my screening.  

On the other side of the diagnosis, I have found a remarkable amount of resources waiting, especially regarding guaranteed interviews (with some employers) and courses; There is a mountain of university resources available. So chin up, you are not far away from an answer, some of us wait a lifetime for help.  

It’s not too easy to fall in the UK, as daunting as it may seem, as there are a multitude of agencies waiting to be embraced by the diligent. Remember that, depressive attacks go as quickly as they come, you can wait for the dust to settle before you call a situation hopeless, I hope that you get the support that is right for you.

I'm going to break this down because breaking down big problems into smaller ones helps make them more manageable.

NAS82874 said:

I also tried to talk to my university about my situation but I don’t think I can express myself well and so far they haven’t been that understanding.

Most people on my course were talking about jobs they have been offered, further studies, or even ones who’s not having any ideas what to do can still go home and rely on their parents for a while. 

I think it could really help if you sent an email to your health and wellbeing team at your university and see if you can get help with talking to your department and teachers through them.

NAS82874 said:

However, me on the other hand have no idea what I can do and I don’t even know where to go after graduation. I looked into homeless help and stuff but am really confused. I don’t have a place where I have “local connections” to be considered residents there. I feel like I’m under no council if that makes any sense. 

Don't panic, your last place of residence even if it was student housing counts as an area connection, if you want to try that put the area/city of your university.

NAS82874 said:

My initial plan was to find a job and I will have a place to live then go from there. But now it seems impossible to find a job, and I might end up with no much qualifications. I know I can also work in cafes or supermarkets. But somehow I get lost in the only supermarket I go to as well, and I always been really clumsy so I drop things a lot and hurt myself before because of that. So I’m not sure I can even do jobs that don’t require qualifications. 

This is also something you need to talk to someone with more support experience about.

NAS82874 said:

People I’ve been talking to, all told me to try harder. I know this sounds silly and nobody believes me, but I actually have been trying my hardest.

This is probably because you are trying to work to a purely neurotypical standard and in a neurotypical way, you have to identify your own strengths and weaknesses and lean into your strengths to adapt the way you do certain things to suit you better. Working hard isn't as good as working efficiently. And if you do have Autism it's like running on Linux in a Windows OS world, it's not that there's anything wrong with you, you just have to be the best Linux you and stop trying to run on Windows. (Messy anaology sorry, but I hope it makes sense.)