Hi,
I hope this is the right place to post this. I’m still waiting for my autism assessment but I’ve been told by few professionals that I’m highly like to be on the spectrum and they where the ones urged me to get diagnosed. So, I’m hoping it’s okay for me to ask this here.
I only started realising that I’m not really that independent after I started university. I mostly can’t cook, I’m really bad at going to places even get lost in familiar places sometimes. I don’t really know how to social despite really want to. The list goes on but I’m not going to bother you guys with it.
I probably will finish university this May, although I’m trying to defer but that hasn’t been set in stone yet. (Plus communicating with my department has been such a pain)
Ever since my final year started, I’m so anxious about my future. I don’t have a place I can call it my hometown, my family isn’t supportive. I couldn’t find internships during first and second years of university, I did try but always get rejected. I started applying for jobs the summer prior my final year, yet I only got two interviews and 0 offers. I also already failed one module and are not getting an honours degree. I’m now afraid that I might not even getting an ordinary degree because I can’t cope with my dissertation at all.
I've been trying to talk to some people online especially different autism communities. Some suggested me to apply for PIP which I did(still haven’t received the form, it took me few months to mentally prepare for applying), but I’m not sure if I will get that since I almost never went to my GP before even if I needed health care and have almost to no evidence. I also tried to talk to my university about my situation but I don’t think I can express myself well and so far they haven’t been that understanding.
Most people on my course were talking about jobs they have been offered, further studies, or even ones who’s not having any ideas what to do can still go home and rely on their parents for a while.
However, me on the other hand have no idea what I can do and I don’t even know where to go after graduation. I looked into homeless help and stuff but am really confused. I don’t have a place where I have “local connections” to be considered residents there. I feel like I’m under no council if that makes any sense.
I tried to speak to my GP, but they don’t seem to understand me well. And I’m not great at asking for help either.
I don’t think many people have similar experiences as me. At least I can’t find any in real life that has had similar experiences as me. I’ve been to one local ND support group and my university’s ND group plus disabled student society. No one so far related to me. I feel like even in the neurodivergent community I’m the odd one out.
My initial plan was to find a job and I will have a place to live then go from there. But now it seems impossible to find a job, and I might end up with no much qualifications. I know I can also work in cafes or supermarkets. But somehow I get lost in the only supermarket I go to as well, and I always been really clumsy so I drop things a lot and hurt myself before because of that. So I’m not sure I can even do jobs that don’t require qualifications.
People I’ve been talking to, all told me to try harder. I know this sounds silly and nobody believes me, but I actually have been trying my hardest. I don’t really understand why I find things so difficult when others can just do them easily. It even takes me ages to eat and when I was younger I didn’t even eat any vegetables and only ate beef and fruit also refused to drink water. I was so picky that I can skip so many meals. Now I can eat bit more varieties compared with before, but I still struggle with it a lot and on average I can only force myself to eat one to two meals a day and I’m always left hungry and have tons of leftovers. There are also days I go without any food, then feeling guilty and scared for myself.
I also looked into self-employment but I feel like I have no skills. I’m always been lonely, desperate and confused. Does anyone have any suggestions for me as to what to do?
(Sorry if I’ve made mistakes in grammar and/or spelling, and if I wasn’t being clear on something please point it out I will try my best to explain).