• Replies 87 replies
  • Subscribers 58 subscribers
  • Views 12639 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

How challenging is small talk for you?

Steven

I think people might describe me as being well-mannered. Though I try to be, it's not the flattering opinion it might seem but, instead, testament to my restricted behaviour in company - I have to follow conversational conventions, and politeness is such a convention. 

If someone asks "How are you?", then I can answer briefly or (far too) extensively; both might be viewed as autistic habits. None of this means I'm at ease in conversations, as cues and subtleties don't always make their presences felt. Most importantly, I have to remind myself to ask "And how are you?" in return; not because I don't care but because *making the conversational transition is a hard, slow process for me and doesn't spring to my mind immediately*. And all the while I'm conscious that mine is a limited life, one which limits fluent and interesting conversation. 

How difficult or easy do you find small talk and general conversation?

  • It's a veritable mystery why I struggle to converse with NTs, I tell you! ~

    THEM: "Nice weather we're having."

     ME: "Yes."

     THEM: "I was being sarcastic."

     ME: "Oh. I must fly, before I inevitably become pleonastically altisonant..."

     THEM: "..."

    ME: "...and so, I bid you adieu."

     THEM: "F**k off, Frasier."

  • Small talk is one of the hardest things I try to navigate, it’s absolutely draining, I can script most of it and have learnt by watching others how to act. If I’ve been out with my wife and have to chat with anyone, I will normally not be able to talk for the rest of the night. We went to the village pub on Friday early evening, a person of about my age has started chatting over the last few weeks. I came out with, “ I’m quite happy to talk to you and that’s all, I don’t want you coming to my house for dinner.” No point in giving someone expectations I can’t keep up with. Chris Packham explained well with Flo, the whole, “ hi how are you?” It’s a dance I find is pointless, I sometimes think to myself, “Do you really want to know what’s going on in my head at the moment? I think not. Sorry not feeling good today.

  • Depends whether I am masked or not.  If I am masked, frankly, anything is possible for quite a while.  If I am unmasked, I can manage about zero seconds - I mean, what's the point - I'll throw out a taster of some of "my" topics, and if they don't bite (or vise versa) then I'm more than happy to leave the conversation dead.

  • in reply to battybats

    While I genuinely try not to generalise about NT folks, this is my truth:

    As much as I'm wary of their frequently unpredictable (to me) behaviour...most often, I find them predictable and uninteresting in the rituals of that behaviour in comparison to autists.

  • In terms of being able to say the right things, it's not too difficult for me, though it wasn't until I was about 25 that I had enough practice and observation of other people to get it right.

    In terms of how it actually feels inside... it's excruciating. I have to consciously monitor the situation to make sure my tone, statements, AND body language are all 'normal'. I know the other person doesn't really care about the answers to any questions they're asking. And if they say something that doesn't fit the scripts I've learned I have to try and improvise. I'd rather just not talk to people.

  • I'm really bad at chit chat and small talk. I was just saying that to my community nurse yesterday actually and she agreed. I'm ok with it now though because i realize it's an autistic trait 

  • hard, conversations die with me or never start, any attempt like that how are you just gets a basic response of fine or normal and thats that.

    cant think of anything else to say to people and they probs cant think of anything to say either lol 
    if the other person has things to say i can probably luck out and appear talkative i suppose but it pretty much requires all the work on their end and hoping they can find something i can respond to with more than 1 word.