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Unmasking

Bearer1976

I'm 46 year ols male and I have been all my life. I knew that but I didn't any one else did. I go to a support group and the lady who runs it (Indapendace trust support group) said What everything you said it sounds like you been masking along time.

I rarely take it off,partly because I don't know how to. When I do I some times I can't funny looks. 

How does everyone else cope living in a nonautisic world who don't really have a clue what it like,unless you have it your self and accept it. I say accept it as you can run away from those who are like you because they can't deal with it.

  • I feel best when I'm on my own. Failing that, I don't need to mask in front of my partner of 13 years. We both think he is on the spectrum only he can't be bothered with the whole faff of getting a diagnosis. I can be my self round my mum and dad, but again, we all strongly suspect dad is on the spectrum.

    The in laws are coming today for the weekend and that's going to involve a lot of masking, although I'll invariably slip up at some point and make some sort of faux pas. However, I've been masking a little bit less round them and I think they just take that as me being a bit rude.

  • in reply to Ann :)

    I don't remember much from my child hood but one thing I do remember is star wars. 

    I have books on my phone so I can tune out,when I'm on the bus or at home.

    Only poeple I can be mg self with is my dad and the group I go to. 

    I rarly take my mask down at home, as I can see what will happen if I do and from past expiance it normally makes it worse.

    It's normally when I'm alone then I take it down. 

    Ether way it's exhausting.

  • in reply to Queen

    Thanks. I'm 46. 

    I'm most relaxed normally when I'm on my own, just takes along time to unwind most of the time.

    I love reading star wars oneself help, and computer games, partly as they help me to unwind.

  • in reply to Roy

    My partner won't even think about the fact I could be, she won't entertain the idea as it doest fit into her idea of what autistic poeple are like. As you said there afried. I worked it out for my self over years of self study and having ex partners or friends with autistic children. They seemed a lot like me. 

    The only time I relax is when I'm on my own. Partly when I'm with my partner and partly with the support group I'm apart of. There's to many poeple there for me though, there all autistic which helps.

    You have alot alot thanks. 

    Just wish my partner could accept the real me.

  • It's stressful world to live in.

    I never unmask when I'm out. If I do the risk of meltdowns and shutdown intensive.

    At home I have to mask round my mother and father.

    I can only unmask and be myself in my room.

    Masking gets me through the day but I suspect it makes me more tired and depressed.

    Keeping it on all day is hard work.

    Wish we didn't have to.

  • To be honest, I don’t unmask in front of the outside world or my family. The only person who ever sees the real me is my wife. I’m not much older than you, I have learnt how to holdback meltdowns until I’m alone or turn them into shutdowns. People who even know you are autistic don’t really want to see the real autistic person, it’s not the person they know. I do have a job where I’m alone all day everyday, I do get to be me then, I’ve only let the mask slip in front of two people, they turned out to both be autistic and had kept their diagnosis private. I don’t have a massive amount of contact with people, it’s easier just to,  ‘ wave and smile’, the time on my own then offsets that. Sorry I can’t be more helpful.

  •  I don't know. I don't really cope at the moment. It can be very confusing and stressful, especially when people don't say what they mean... In terms, taking off the mask, I can relate to not actually knowing who you are without a mask or how to take it off... I wondered about that a lot too. I think the first step is to actually be around people you are comfortable with (probably easiest with other neurodivergent people)- in a safe space and around likeminded people, it is easier to try and be yourself ... I also wish I could be myself more (and that I knew what that was) and that the world and its demands didn't exhaust me so much... Like you point out though, in certain situations taking off the mask can be risky. My aim though is to try and be myself and without a mask as much as I can... but it is hard and there are probably environments/situations where unmasking is not so safe or wise... I think my aim is really to try to maximise the time that I spend in environments that are good for me and that I can feel safe and myself in ... it's not always possible to control external factors but I am realising more and more that sometimes we can take steps to change our surroundings and situation rather than having to hide ourselves.