• Replies 19 replies
  • Subscribers 32 subscribers
  • Views 2336 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Embarrassment following meltdown

Oakling

This morning I went  to the opticians for the first time in years. It was all a bit much. Massive sensory overload to start my day with.

One thing then happened out of the order I was expecting it to at home when I got back and I lost my temper with myself. It all happens so fast in those moments.

Now I’m sporting a bruised forehead and nursing myself through the embarrassment of not handling a normal mundane interaction yet again. I’d love to not do this to myself anymore, but it catches me by surprise every time.

In hindsight, I probably should have seen if there were any adaptations that could have been made for me, but I convinced myself not to once again. 

Not looking for anything in particular by posting this, just trying to move away from the incident positively rather than dwelling on it and thought writing about it might help me to do that.

  • I saw this video and thought it'd fit nicely into this thread

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xE4atKh9Ec

    It's a good explanation about overwhelm

  • in reply to Oakling

    I wonder if the problem/cause for you, me and Shardovan is that we might not have openly discussed our difficulties until relatively recently? If that is indeed so: maybe we bottled it all up (for whatever reasons)? Maybe we feared a breakdown if we *did* speak in-depth about them? Maybe we simply despaired of ever making our pain truly understood?

  • in reply to Shardovan

    I wrote recently about feeling that there's an observer & a hapless actor element to my thoughts and actions...but, unfortunately, it's not a case of the 'observer' being a wise and sensible elder who steps in to help; more like merely an ever-present self-consciousness (perhaps a little like your inner-commentary?)

  • in reply to Steven

    Understanding and being understood are huge factors to me. I find I can go on for hours in an attempt to feel understood, but in doing so, I then start to worry that I’m either being humoured to shut me up, that I’m over sharing and being a burden on the listener or that I’m somehow taking advantage of someone’s generosity. Sometimes I also worry that people will then use my explanations against me or use them to make fun of me somewhere else down the line (to my knowledge, never happened so I don’t know where this comes from).

    The guilt and worries you describe are definitely something I can relate to. It’s taken me a long time to start opening up, so I think I’m still working on balance.

    I also think that when communication is so hard or you put so much [over]thought into what you’re trying to say, it is important to know that your true intent has been understood. When this doesn’t happen it can be very upsetting. Unfortunately I have experienced this more times that I could possibly count.

  • in reply to Steven

    Wow, I think we might be clones, I’m in exactly that cycle too. I sometimes think of it like I’m doing a commentary track over my own side of a conversation. Constantly signalling self awareness. Then I stop and point out that i know I’m doing it. So that’s layer number three. And the other person has to say ‘not at all, it’s fine’ so focus has been pulled from the organic flow of things. Changing it? I’m not sure about that. Maybe a bit, but would I still be me? 

  • in reply to Oakling

    Yep. I am constantly trying to explain to others why I behave as I do, not as an excuse or defence, but fundamentally a) because, despite tons of possible clues, I am a mystery to myself - I'm lost and bewildered, and b) because it's surely further episodes of over-thinking. The very worst aspect of these explanations is that they oblige other people to console, sooth, and basically sideline their own troubles in order to deal with mine. This only makes me feel more guilty...which leads to yet more over-analyses and yet more sidelining. A vicious circle I'm more actively trying to break out of now, instead of dragging others into the loop, as before.

  • in reply to Steven

    I’ve been on this journey once or twice myself too. 

    Thanks for relating though (if that’s even the right thing to say, perhaps I’m being insensitive without meaning to). 

    Im trying not to be too down on myself, but that is an area I could definitely do with working on. I often worry about my loved ones when I’m in a slump after a tricky time. Hopefully I’ll be better tomorrow.

  • 'Embarrassment following meltdown'

    At last - a subject I actually know something about...

    I am sorry to read of your trouble, CG. Please try not to be too down on yourself; in my experience, that doesn't really help a person, or those who care about them.

  • in reply to Tommy

    Thanks for this. We could all do with time to unwind from time to time. I think that’s what I was missing in the run up to today. Oh well, live and learn and all that.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Yeah, you’re right. I think it’s a default position of mine to be critical of what I could have done differently/better. Maybe I just need to take it for what it is and move on. 

    I suppose I am becoming more self-aware. Adjustments take time is all.

  • in reply to Oakling

    Oh and rambles are always welcome where I’m concerned

  • in reply to Glitter

    I think it did help a bit. I must admit, I’m sort of dwelling on it now, but hopefully will move on in time.

    I do need to learn to ask more, but that will be an aim for the future. Now it’s just about recovery and getting out of this slump I’m now in.

    I do hope your meeting goes well. I have recently gone through that process and have access to a quiet space at work to either do admin tasks in or to de-escalate in if needed. I also have a few different forms of hearing protection available for different periods of the day too. If that helps give you ideas at all. 

  • We cannot control everything and sometimes *** happens. We can go through life thinking "should" and berating ourselves but sounds like you are becoming more self aware which is a step forward.

  • I usually find that writing helps and I hope you're feeling better. 

    I know that it's hard to ask for stuff.  I'm no better.  I've spent my life with a fawn response, just do what people tell me, swallow my pain and get on with it.  And I'm starting to feel how much that's taking a toll. 

    I've got to meet with someone at work soon to go through my diagnosis and see if there are any helpful adjustments and I don't know what to ask for.  

    Now I'm having a bit of a ramble.

  • in reply to Oakling

    You will buddy. Take today to destress and unwind and keep looking at those positive things. You did good today you should be proud of that man

  • in reply to Tommy

    Thanks for this. I hadn’t been to the opticians for a long time so I’d completely forgotten what it was like. Now I know! Luckily I won’t have to go for the next 2 years. Just got to navigate today now- very overwhelmed. I’ll get there though I’m sure

  • Ahh man I'm sorry. That sounds stressful to go through. Your doing the right thing looking on the positives tho thats a good attitude to have. Feel better man and another positive is... you actually went to the opticians. Wow! Thumbsup

  • in reply to Shardovan

    Thank you. I certainly am trying to help myself the more I learn post diagnosis. I don’t want to burden people here, but I equally know that this is a good place to talk due to the levels of understanding given towards these commonly misunderstood moments.

  • Sorry to hear it’s been an upsetting morning. You’re doing a good thing in talking it out with a view to getting a handle on it