help my son cnt control his anger

There is a brilliant charity out there called "Challenging Behaviour Foundation." Might be worth looking them up. All the best.

Been having hard time with my son over last few months and a nurse friend (whose nephew had simular problems) recomended i put him on multi vitamins with omega 3, i did so after few weeks his anger subsided, his outburst are not so agressive anymore, not sure if omega 3 or just a coincidence as haven't taken him off them to check, but may be worth a try.

For what is worth in my experience with my relative who has autism/aspergers when we have an episode of anger at home, all I can do is stay with the person in a room where they can sit or lie down, and start with slowing their breathing down counting 1 to 10 with the person slowly in rythm with their breathing, try to get them to lie down arms by their side and firstly clear their lungs by breathing out, then breath in breath out get a slow gentle rythm going do this for about 5 to 10 mins, then give them some water to drink and just reassure them, the idea is just to slow things down for them.

Hello I've been asked to see a child with an anger issue which is all new to me. I understand the basic's but I am not sure he will understand me or he might get angry with me. Any tips please? The red card situation could be a good start.

Hi, I have 2 sons both with Aspergers, my middle son now 14 had huge anger issues especially at school, where he would hit out at teachers, walk out of school, lock himself in toilets and swear (which he would never normally do). Bear in mind that this was when he was 8 or 9 and we have only just got a diagnosis but what we did may help you a little. We had to teach him to recognise when he was getting angry and change the situation, since this was mostly at school the teachers also had to co-operate (another story) but when he started to recognise his first response was to feel his hands clenching he put a red card on his desk and went and sat in the quiet area set aside for him - it was not the only signal but he recognised 3 or 4 different things that made him see he was getting angry or frustrated and once the teachers co-operated and left him alone for a little while he would calm down and carry on with the lesson. Hope this helps

my son who is 8 and has Aspergers had a violent outburst about a month ago and attacked me with a pair of scissors. Since then he has been staying at my parents house, as he is competely different with them. i think because there is constantly 2 of them. I have lost my confidence around him, and to be honest am afraid of being left alone with him. I also have a 2 yr old daughter. I am wanting to work towards getting him back home, but it has to be done in stages. i was wondering if anyone else out there has experience in this kind of situation or any advice. Any thing would be appreciated. I dont know where else to turn. Thanks

Hi

We have found the incredible 5 point scale to be great as it helps my son communicate "how" angry he is and express himslef so others will listen when is not coping with a situation or the environment around him.  A Volcano in my Tummy is also a useful book to dip in and out of.

I agree with previous posts too that trying to find out as many of the triggers as possible and avoiding or adapting the environment for him works for us.

It's tough on him and you.  Keep strong and you will get there.

Hi kjh, 

Sorry if this seems a bit late but I thought I'd just move this over to the section for parents and carers to help see if we can encourage any further support from other parents. 

kjh said:

hi i have a 9yr old son who was finally diagnosed with autism at the beginning of april and he is finding it hard to deal with his anger i was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to help him control it i have tried advising him to count to 10 or walk away from the situation thats making him angry but he says he cant the anger takes over he doesnt know he has autism as this is another problem we are dealing with how n when to tell him any advice would be helpful thanks

Hello kjh 

My son is a bit younger than yours (he's 8) and he has had some problems with anger over the years. I found it helpful to keep a diary for a couple of weeks and write down every incident, what lead up to it and what the outcome was. It was a bit of a pain, but it did highlight some things that he found a bit too much (crowds, noisy places etc.) Then we were able to make a few changes, like avoiding crowded places where possible, which helped to keep his anxiety levels down. Trying to find out what triggers his anger may help to reduce the chances of it happening.

He may also be aware that he has problems and he is different from his peers, and could be confused as to why. That's where it may might help him to know about his diagnosis. There are books and leaflets you can get - the NAS have some - which would help you to explain it to him. If he is able to give his issues a name, it might help him to take control of it.

 I hope that's helped in some way

Nicky x

Hi,

 Wow this sounds like i have written this only my son is 10 i find it very difficult people dont realise how difficult it is for him to control his emotions eg He recently had a football tournement it had the usual highs and lows of winning and losing and kept going doing what he had to do he is a goalkeeper (he would have wanted to go home a year ago) the award ceremony was over he was fine and we had some sweets for the team we he wanted to give them out one by one but the other boys got impatient and took the bag that was it he was crying, hitting out ,throwing things and shouting swear words at everyone who looked in his direction. How do i deal with that well i didnt look at anyone just picked up all the things he was throwing packed up our stuff untill everyone had left the field then went to the car when he came to the car he cryed his heart out he only wanted to give the sweets out !!!

I know this isnt any help but at least you know you are not alone

The how and when of telling your child about their diagnosis is a difficult one. I hope sharing my experience of telling our son may help you.

My son's diagnosis of high functioning autism came through when he was eight years old, and at the time we didn't feel ready to tell him of his diagnosis. We started the statutory assessment process soon after and as part of this he had a number of assessments. As he'd already seen LOTS of specialists previously it was just same old same old for him. However, at the medical assessment the doctor was clearly on the verge of saying the words 'autism' and somehow I stopped her. At that point I reaslied that the more we asked for help the more likely it was that a professional was going to end up blurting out our son's diagnosis to him and not us, and we had to avoid that happening.

We didn't know how to do it. What to say? Do you sit him down all serious and say you have a life-long condition? Do you mention it in passing? 

I called the NAS Helpline and spoke to a lovely lady who was very understanding of our wish to be honest with our son, but not to scare him or upset him. She sent us some leaflets and my husband and I planned out what we wanted to say - balancing the negatives of his diagnosis (eg, you do have problems with your English lessons at school and you do have problems with making and keeping friends) with the positives (eg, with the diagnosis we can get you more help in school to overcome these problems you are having). But we still kept putting it off.

One day, when he was nine, we were at a family party and it was all a bit too much for him, so my husband took him off for a walk away from the noise. When he came back my husband said he'd told my son about his diagnosis. It just felt like the right time. He started off by mentioning a friend of my son who had a diagnosis of autism and the ways in which we'd all noticed and understood that this child was different to the other boys in his class. He then explained that my son had the same diagnosis, and it just flowed from there. 

My son is now 15 and has always been fully accepting of his diagnosis. We reguarly have conversations about the positives and the negatives, and comparing how the diagnosis manifests differently in different people.

I guess what I'm saying is that there is no right or wrong way to do it. You know your son best and therefore will tell him in the right way for him.

I hope telling my experience has helped you a little bit.

This is only my opinion so I'm being cautious. Rather than just look at the immediate anger situation, try to find out what things are putting him under stress, both long term and short term.

Try to find ways of reducing the cumulative stress if some problems can be resoved or alleviated for the time being.

Anger may be a response to having too much sensitivity, too little capacity to cope with it, including not understanding why things go wrong and why he's different. I have several times used the "last straw" analogy here. It is hard to live in a world that seems alien and seems against you on all sides. But things can be made a bit better here and there.

But its just my opinion, I haven't seen this verified.