Published on 12, July, 2020
In the few months I've been on here, I've tried to discern how people use it. While I'm reassured by some people seeming to be long-term regulars, others who pop up and have really interesting things to ask or share, or put things in a really thought-provoking way, burn brightly for a while and then vanish overnight, seldom or never returning. I suppose a certain amount of transience is inevitable, so I'm not really sure what my point is. Maybe just that I'm confused as to why more don't stick around, continue to benefit from shared expereinces and so on.
To those who have been around more consistently over a long while, or intend to be 'lifers' (as I tend to be when I latch onto a supportive online community), do you find it sometimes disconcerting or demoralising to put thought and care into connecting/sharing things with interesting and sympatico people, only to have them vanish in a sudden puff of apparent disinterest and never return.
I suppose one hard lesson I have to keep re-learning in life is that other's moods and inclinations can be very mercurial. You have to take them as you find them I suppose for as long as they stick around. Fleeting interactions can still be meaningful ones I guess. The confusion and melancholy I feel about such things doesn't seem to predominate in many others - I suppose I find lack of continuity in others' patterns of behaviour more disconcerting than most NTs would. But I'm also a little surprised that that NT-like behaviour is just as prevalent in this neurodivergent forum as it is 'out there'.
Or maybe I haven't been around long enough to fairly assess that. Not sure.
This thread just came back into my mind. Some lovely people seem to have slipped away quietly (as they are perfectly entitled to do of course), people who had been regulars for quite a while. And it's sad. I could name them, and I imagine doing so would be OK, but it's probably obvious to those who are here a lot. The paranoid part of me worries if I played a role. Did I post too much, or reply too much, and it became unwelcome? But that's a very self-focused and irrational way to think I know. Fact is, that people sometimes need one thing, then another. They burn out, as all of us here do in some way or other in life. Their functioning or requirements change over time. Maybe they'll phase back in some day and say hello again, maybe they won't. I know it was a blessing that they were ever here at all. I just hope they'll be OK.
I must admit, I’ve recently returned after a few months away and noticed a few names not appear as they did when I was active during that initial period.
I reflected on this a little, as I’m prone to doing, and also recognised that I too fell into the category of disappearing names that I was thinking about.
I can only speak for myself, but although I’d intended to be here for a long while (and still do), my period of downtime coincided with a very happy and very major life event for me that required my 100% focus for a little while. That situation still requires most of my attention, but I feel less guilty refunding a few moments for myself every now and then. Perhaps this type of situation is one that others might find themselves in, albeit a slightly different one than I am experiencing right now.
Like you mentioned, I also find that in situations where there are opportunities to doubt myself, like in the scenario you referred to, I reflect in a way that places me to blame for the choices of others. But as you also recognised, the logical side of me also knows this to not be true. People respond to life in the best way they are able to at the time. We are all just working our way through the many challenges placed in our way and trying, at least I hope, to have the least negative impact on those around us as we do so. If anything, your posts will have added light to peoples time on here. They will have been a positive addition. Even just in the way of someone finally finding like-minded individuals who just ‘get it’. I know I have certainly found that here anyway.
Not a problem at all. I try, when I can, to offer an alternative viewpoint in instances like this, as other have done so often for me on here.
This community is a great one for coming together and helping one another see what we can’t alone. At least in my opinion anyway.
It is nice to hear that this has helping in some small way. Yours is a name I have come to recognise, so just wanted to point out that your contributions are appreciated rather than received negatively. We can be such harsh judges towards ourselves, but in my case I don’t see the negatives that others see in themselves. So thanks for all of your thoughtful contributions so far- they are always interesting to read and consider.
Thanks for your well wishes too- there are ups and downs, as with everything in life, but this phase is an intense one. But seemingly for once in my life, an overwhelmingly positive one.
Also, I can help but appreciate your original question though. I do like something to think about! I wouldn’t want my brain to stop for a second- not that I have a choice in that matter anyway!
thank you. I'm not the most sane, but at least I'm stable now so, take caution if you try to copy any of my experiences
I Sperg too!
I like seeing you around - one of the fixed constants since I’ve joined.
definitely so
I always really liked the expression, "We are all in this thing together"...
You should really take a break from worrying that much, it's not good for your health
I had a break from forum for few months this year too, now i'm here every day, hard to get rid off,
Thanks for taking the time to give such a considered and comforting reply. Your own words have helped me a lot this evening. Glad to hear you’ve had a very happy and positive time in your life. I suppose it makes sense that we might need this place less when such periods occur. Hoping it lasts for you my friend.