Earliest Memory

Hi, mine was nursery school, it would have been the first time that I had been with a group of other children. I remember being very anxious, the other children were interacting with each other, I didn’t know what to do. Break time came and all the other children ran outside to play. The village hall had a stage at one end. The curtains were pulled back so I hid in the curtains. My mother was told that I was shy, what does shy mean? Is it being anxious and not wanting to join in and be seen by others, feeling differently to everyone else and being told what you should like to do when you don’t know what to do.  This single word doesn’t cover it.

I’m just thinking how sad it that so many of us have  earliest memories that are so painful… We come to know what a hostile world this can be from such a young age, it’s tough.

Thanks again for starting this discussion, feels like a really rich sharing space, albeit a painful one

Hi SparklingAutistic,

I have a number of early childhood memories, (I’m almost 22 now, in case that’s helpful context.)

Between age 2-3.5ish, I spent lots of time in hospital. I vividly remember the sickly smell of the mask they made me wear - think it was an anaesthetic mask but can’t be sure. The gas made me feel very lightheaded, the feeling of the tight rubber mask on my face made me feel very confined. Apparently I would scream, ‘Not the mask, not the mask!’ But the nurses said it wasn’t unusual for children to hate those awful so I don’t know if this counts as meltdown territory.

Maybe we on the spectrum are more likely to remember things in detail from a long time ago - hmm, interesting P.s. Thank you for taking the plunge with starting a discussion!

I am sorry that your earliest memories are full of pain.

The frequent Saturday morning visits to shoe shops sounds like my idea of a nightmare.

I remember some years ago a friend had required an item of clothing for work, and had insisted on me accompanying her to an out-of-town shopping centre. Instead of buying the first thing she liked, she insisted on us visiting every clothing store, just in case there was something she liked better. We were there for absolutely hours. Definitely not my idea of a fun day out.

What a coincidence that one of your earliest memories also involves playgroup!

I imagine that if I had witnessed another child eating crisps off the floor, I would have found myself thinking the same as you.

When I was at nursery, I recollect being given milk. It was in a triangular-shaped carton with a straw. I didn't mind drinking milk, so it wasn't an issue for me. I think the milk continued when I progressed to infant school, and then it suddenly stopped due to a decision made by the Government.

Thankyou!

Your childhood memory has brought a smile to my face. How thoughtful of your sister to explain your plight to Santa, and kind of him to visit you and ensure you weren't left out. It is lovely that you have held on to the Santa hat he gave you.

Oh no! That must have been a very distressing and traumatic thing for you to witness, and dare I say confusing as well, especially at such a young age.

My parents often to used to have what they referred to as 'heated debates'. They had one of those marriages where they frequently bickered, and considered it to be perfectly normal. I hated it when I was a child and would often plead with them to stop shouting at each other. As I got older, I'd just shrug my shoulders and try to ignore it.

I have a choice of three early memories, I don't know which is earliest.  All three are full of pain.

1. Saturday morning family, outings, shopping in the city centre.  My mother dragging everyone into her shoe shopping obsession.  At that time there were many small independent shoe shops.  These shops were small, cramped and had this very distinctive smell. I absolutely hated being in these shops, the smell, lack of fresh air, I almost suffocated.  The shops had only one shoe of each type on display, the shop assistant had to go into the stores to get the the other shoe and the right size. I hated the waiting.  My mother really enjoyed this waiting, the personal service, having the shoe fitted onto her foot, walking about trying the shoes on.  For me it was half an hour of absolute hell.  Finally we were outside in the fresh air.  And then into a neighbouring shoe shop and the whole process started again.  To add insult to injury, she never bought these shoes because they were far too expensive.

My earliest memories involve playgroup too. I remember being outside waiting to go in and this little girl was eating crisps off the floor while the parents were gossiping and I remember thinking "Ew that's bad" and that other children were so weird and gross. 

I also remember that they gave us milk at break time and I was horrified. And then the next day they gave us juice and I was like 'OK I like juice, I'll drink that.' but they didn't make it like my Mum did so it really upset me, but I didn't cry because that would be rude. 

Hey, congrats on your first discussion. It's a good one :-) I enjoyed reading your early memory, though I'm sorry it was so distressing for you at the time.

One of my earliest memories is when I was about 5 I was unwell at Christmas time and in our street every year "Santa" would come down the street and give sweets to the kids but I was too sick this year. I didn't know she was doing it but my older sister went outside and explained I had this bad cold and the lovely man dressed as Santa actually came in, gave me some sweets, his hat and wished me a merry Christmas. I've never forgotten this and, I still have his hat now :-) not only one of my earliest memories but one of my happiest ones to despite I was really ill at the time.

Mine is extremely depressing, it was an argument between my parents, where my father threw his wedding ring in a full bin bag and I grabbed it tearing it the bag open, I was about 3.

They got divorced around the same time.

I do not remember anything else from that period of my life, just that one event.