Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
I've been feeling really low lately and something that hasn't helped is the subject matter of a class debate we had the other day. We began to talk about autism and Asperger's Syndrome, and this popular girl who has no communication or social difficulties whatsoever (in fact one of her many gifts is that she makes everyone love her) says, "Everyone's on the spectrum, it's just to what extent. My cousins are autistic, so I know."
And...I know we're all entitled to our own opinions and beliefs. And it's not like that was the first time I had ever heard this theory, and to be quite honest, I'm not the most severely Asperger's person in the world. In fact, you'd probably say I had it quite mildly - particularly if you were an adult meeting me, as adults seem to bring out the best in me in a way that my peers can't. But when I saw her sitting there and just saying that, surrounded by all her friends kissing up to her and agreeing with her, whilst she'd just been going on about the party she was off to the next day, and the gig she was going to soon with another girl on our table, I just wanted to say, "OK. So you believe everyone's got autism. You try living a day in my life - seeing everyone make friends around you whilst you're left completely alone, no matter how hard you try. You try knowing you're different ever since you're old enough to think, and then tell me everyone's on the spectrum, because I think you might feel differently then. You've got no idea how lucky you are! I'd give anything to be accepted and supported by everyone like you are."
Now, I know she doesn't mean that everyone is autistic or AS to the point of diagnosis. She just means that we've all got little tendencies here and there. But, though I wouldn't say it to her or any of the kids at school as it makes me sound like I'm just making trouble or feeling sorry for myself or using any excuse to have a big, dramatic, overemotional reaction, I found it really difficult to hear that from her, and in my personal opinion it's actually quite an insensitive thing to say to/in front of someone with any form of autism. (She does know I have AS, and she says she believes it's true but I don't think she does - none of the others do.)
Am I being out of order?
Thanks for reading,
Liv x
Hello Liv. No, you are not being out of order at all. As an adult with Aspergers (I am often told it is 'mild', but it is anything but!), I often come across people without Aspergers who come out with this, even people who should know better, such as parents of autistic children. Quite simply, we are not all on the spectrum, and that is why there are rigorous diagnostic criteria. Having Aspergers is not some lifestyle choice label that people can blithely apply to themselves just because they are a bit shy or 'geeky', let alone if they are extremely popular as the girl you mention is. Aspergers is a serious condition, a medical/biological condition in fact, with a clear developmental profile. While it is true that isolated personality traits such as a need for routine do exist in the 'neurotypical' population, this is not the same as being autistic!. People who really are on the spectrum, have a wide range of clinically significant traits (which affect all areas of functioning), the most prominant being the chronic experience of aloneness due to being cut off from other people to a greater or lesser degree. On top of this, we often have disabling obsessive thought processes, rituals, fears and anxieties.
I would feel the same as you, Liv, and agree that it is insensitive to make light of such a life changing condition.