Published on 12, July, 2020
We think my husband might have Autism, he is on a waiting list to see someone.
The problem is I have a very high sex drive and he doesn't seem to have one at all. We have been together for 11 years and I always thought things would get better, but they haven't.
Finally today he has said one of the reasons is he doesn't like the smell of me down there, I'm not dirty and I don't notice a smell, so I explained to him that its natural for there to be a smell down there.
I also asked him if there is anything I can do to help him and he said no, he just needs to get over this by himself.
He said he has no idea how he is going to get over it and after always being like this, I can't see how he can just get over it.
I would be grateful for any advice on this.
Isn’t it better to light a candle than curse the dark? Isn’t it wiser to change a situation if a person can’t change themselves?
no one really knows if they smell. We all get used to our own smell. And autistic people often have hyper sensitivities to things like certain smells. If eliminating your body oder, even if it’s not particularly noticeable to normal people, is what it takes to improve your sex life isn’t it worth it?
Hi, thank you for your comment.
The reason I wrote on here was for help and ideas on what to do to improve our sex life, so if anyone has any ideas, I'm willing to try them.
I haven't ever set a time before, if I did, I would do like I do when he sets a time, keep telling myself that there is a chance it might not happen. I do try not to get annoyed, but if I'm really horny and he changes his mind, then sometimes I get grumpy/miserable (I know this does not help the situation)
Glad to hear things have been better. OK, it was just an idea as I've not been in that exact situation. Wondering what the consequence would be if you set a time and he changed his mind...?
Hi, he does sometimes say we can have sex tomorrow, but like you said it's not very romantic lol, also I prefer not to set a time incase he changes his mind. Things have been a little better lately, so hoping it stays like this.
Have you tried fixing a time, unromantic as that may seem, and then showering immediately before or together? If he is autistic, knowing what you both want to happen may help.
I suppose a fixed time could increase anxiety, but maybe a backup plan too (unusual things that you both might like)?
Perhaps. I guess it matters how regularly you have sex. I’m told frequent douching risks washing out the natural bacteria… but only before sex might not be that frequent. Even twice a month is more frequent than never and I doubt that would ‘wash out’ natural bacteria unless you were us in something aggressive like an alcohol based product.
Need to be careful, with that route, only use medically tested preparations, as it is easy to damage the natural vulvo-vaginal flora, with possibly unpleasant consequences.
I mean in terms of reducing body oder why not remove your pubic hair? Body hair is a major retainer of sweat and the bacteria that feed off sweat. You can buy special deodorant considered safe for use in that area.
ive had female friends complain to me that boyfriends don’t shower enough but I can’t think of many man who wouldn’t take a shower if he was told sex would happen after. Maybe bathing or even dushing immediately before sex would help.
but ultimately you’ve got to get inside your husbands head and figure out what turns him on. Even people who aren’t very sexual usually have at least one fantasy or activity that turns them on. If you can find your husbands buttons you can probably get quite far just by hammering them repeatedly.