Sex within a relationship

I completely understand what he is going through. In my life, I have ended relationships with people with high sex drives. Being with them was a living hell and felt like living in an abusive relationship.  It's not just the smell of genitalia, but sometimes for me it's also the sight of genitalia that can make me physically sick. In addition, although I may like someone a great deal, the moment they become aroused and start to make advances, it can make me dislike them or even detest them. 

I'm not sure what to suggest to you both, other than I don't think it's possible to change how we feel about the frequency of sexual activity, because it's not something that is within our control. For me, it's a simple matter of compatibility. I'm either compatible with someone sexually or I'm not.

I'm just thinking off the top of my head here, but if you both want to stay together, then maybe you can find another outlet for your high sex drive? This would mean you could get your rocks off but leave him alone. Bluntly speaking, it's only the need to orgasm that drives sexual urges, and both men and women can achieve orgasms quite easily without needing the participation of someone else.

Thank you for your reply. I do as you bluntly put it achieve orgasm on my own lol, but I want to feel wanted and attractive, I know that's probably very selfish of me. I do try and understand things from his side, but it's so hard.

You're asking him to do something that you say yourself is hard—change the desire for sex.  That's like expecting someone to be more or less hungry than you, and then getting mad with them because they only want a small meal, or because they want a bigger meal than you. 

If you want to feel wanted, it has to start with you. You have to want yourself. If you want to feel attractive, then you have to feel attractive to yourself. Everything starts with ourselves. I know the world would tell you otherwise, but the moment we expect or rely upon other person to fulfil our needs, well that's the moment we set ourselves up for pain and suffering. No one but ourselves can fulfil our own needs. 

The lesson for you is to learn to channel your sexual energy into a more positive, a more creative direction. Fornication is a primitive human activity, and yet it occupies such an exaggerated place in our lives—and is the source of so much misery and unhappiness. Hobbies can be fun, relaxing, challenging, creative, athletic, social, or educational. 

Of course, there is always the option of an open relationship in which you could work off your extra sexual urges with someone else. I know people do this. It would take the pressure off both of you.

You're asking him to do something that you say yourself is hard—change the desire for sex.  That's like expecting someone to be more or less hungry than you, and then getting mad with them because they only want a small meal, or because they want a bigger meal than you. 

If you want to feel wanted, it has to start with you. You have to want yourself. If you want to feel attractive, then you have to feel attractive to yourself. Everything starts with ourselves. I know the world would tell you otherwise, but the moment we expect or rely upon other person to fulfil our needs, well that's the moment we set ourselves up for pain and suffering. No one but ourselves can fulfil our own needs. 

The lesson for you is to learn to channel your sexual energy into a more positive, a more creative direction. Fornication is a primitive human activity, and yet it occupies such an exaggerated place in our lives—and is the source of so much misery and unhappiness. Hobbies can be fun, relaxing, challenging, creative, athletic, social, or educational. 

Of course, there is always the option of an open relationship in which you could work off your extra sexual urges with someone else. I know people do this. It would take the pressure off both of you.

Thanks for replying again. Your not the first person to say about a open relationship, my worries are that he would say yes and go along with it to make me happy, but really it would hurt him and I don't want to hurt him.