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AS partner cheating

NAS73828

Hi, I'm new to this but my partner is recently self-diagnosed AS. He is very intelligent and high-functioning. I just found out that he's being cheating on me in a non-sexual relationship for 3 years with a much, much younger woman  (And, please, before anyone asks, yes, you can cheat without sex or even romance.) Having given this a LOT of thought I think this is more to do with narcissistic personality traits than AS. He's done online tests for various personality disorders and this one fits best to his characteristics, although I appreciate it's all very fluid. Any (helpful) comments or advice gratefully received. 

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  • I'm really sorry to hear he's been cheating on you. I have to say, though, perhaps he hasn't got a diagnosis at all...perhaps he just isn't a nice person or a good partner? As my wife says, 'being an a***hole isn't a symptom of Autism'. Whether he is Autistic or not, cheating on one's partner is not a symptom of Autism. Plenty of neurotypical people do it all the time.

    Either way, I think you're better off without him, although I get that that's much easier said than done. If you're looking online to see whether or not your partner is a diagnosable narcissist, then I would imagine that the relationship isn't very happy and that you deserve better.

  • in reply to Giraffe

    I guess it's eminently possible to be an a.hole and AS, or, an a.hole and any other personality trait or disorder.

  • in reply to NAS73828

    Absolutely, yes, it is possible to be Autistic and not a nice person. I've sadly met several Autistic people who are horrible. However, their horrible personalities have been independent of their Autism.

    In terms of how Autism might be contributing to his behaviour...some Autistic people find it hard to see the point of view of others, and as you might have seen by some of the comments, they view things in quite a black and white way. Perhaps he doesn't quite understand why being very close with someone behind your back in a secretive way might be alienating and hurtful for you as his partner, just because sex/romance aren't involved? His possible Autism could be having an impact on that. It's hard to say without hearing more about his symptoms or his usual behaviour. There's a saying that goes, 'If you've met one person with Autism, then you've met one person with Autism'. We are all so different; it's hard for us to comment unless we hear more about your partner, what makes him think he's on the spectrum, etc.

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  • in reply to NAS73828

    Absolutely, yes, it is possible to be Autistic and not a nice person. I've sadly met several Autistic people who are horrible. However, their horrible personalities have been independent of their Autism.

    In terms of how Autism might be contributing to his behaviour...some Autistic people find it hard to see the point of view of others, and as you might have seen by some of the comments, they view things in quite a black and white way. Perhaps he doesn't quite understand why being very close with someone behind your back in a secretive way might be alienating and hurtful for you as his partner, just because sex/romance aren't involved? His possible Autism could be having an impact on that. It's hard to say without hearing more about his symptoms or his usual behaviour. There's a saying that goes, 'If you've met one person with Autism, then you've met one person with Autism'. We are all so different; it's hard for us to comment unless we hear more about your partner, what makes him think he's on the spectrum, etc.

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