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AS partner cheating

NAS73828

Hi, I'm new to this but my partner is recently self-diagnosed AS. He is very intelligent and high-functioning. I just found out that he's being cheating on me in a non-sexual relationship for 3 years with a much, much younger woman  (And, please, before anyone asks, yes, you can cheat without sex or even romance.) Having given this a LOT of thought I think this is more to do with narcissistic personality traits than AS. He's done online tests for various personality disorders and this one fits best to his characteristics, although I appreciate it's all very fluid. Any (helpful) comments or advice gratefully received. 

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  • Relationships are about intimacy and connexion. Bonds of any sort shared and kept secret, classify as affairs. I can't trust someone to have my best interest who's heart is with another or make informed decisions when kept in the dark. If I use the analogy of money, it can make more sense. If I'm investing into a different bank and slowly withdrawing from the one I was with, it's hard evidence to see where my loyalty lies. 

    Regardless of what sort of issues or help is needed, regardless of the point he's at in his journey, if he was willing to chose someone over you and keep that hidden, then he's probably not worth your return investment, sadly. The hard part here can be counting the time invested as a loss or the vision of a future as void. But honestly, I would cut all ties, put time and distance between you, delete his number and see if life is greener without him? Maybe after a few years he sorts himself out and decides he wants to earn back your trust. Maybe not. But I'd save the drama for a therapist and hit delete. 

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    Not all relationships are about intimacy. Platonic friendships aren't usually intimate. If the guy was seeing another man, purely as a friend, maybe because he shares an interest that his wife doesn't like our understand, would you say he was cheating then? I agree that one can cheat romantically, without sex being involved, but if neither are involved, they're just friends! It feels to me like there's far more to this than has been shared here. The OP could well be at fault, we just don't know. So advising she leave him is a bit extreme. 

  • in reply to JustMe

    Thanks, actually for the most part we've had a pretty good marriage. We've always spent a lot of time together and have a lot of common interests. However, his constant obsessions have started to wear me down and in the last few years I've lost patience with them (30 yrs married btw).  He met this girl because of her interest in his latest obsession.

  • in reply to NAS73828
    NAS73828 said:
    It's wearing and I have a right to my own life.

    correct,  of course you do !

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