NO MANS LAND

True @ I ditto your comment, I also find that going home is better than going, I am experimenting with I am going somewhere I know "on my way home", so my mind is on the home journey before I even go. I am dove now

Zone @ thanks for the encouragement and the information on the cards, that will be helpful.

Silver @ that was such lovely reply and encouraging. Celebrate the small victories sounds good. Thank you

I think quite a lot of us have problems with the unfamiliar. I think that despite the considerable anxiety you felt you should remember the event as successful.  You got your brother to the garage, no-one did anything bad to you, and you got back safely.  You didn't tell your brother to find someone else, which was couragous (even if there was no-one else). Your brother, I think, did the right thing in getting you to go to the edge of the familiar zone and then talking you through it.

When I went for my diagnosis I met my friend at the place. To get myself there with as little anxiety as possible I used google earth to look at the unfamiliar streets and the entrance and the carpark.  What it didn't do was tell me where the button was on the barrier intercom!!  There is often the unexpected no matter how well you plan.  Another useful thing where possible is to see if there is an area where you could stand or pace up and down away from other people, so you can take time out.

There is no easy way of extending the boundary of the familiar.  Take small steps into the unknown, where you can retreat back to the familiar fairly quickly and easily.  Set yourself tasks like going to a cafe when it will be quite. If you have a friend who knows what might set you off maybe he could accompany you. Acknowledge and celebrate successes no matter how small they may seem to others.

I think that it is too do with being outwith my familar zone and control. An unfamilar zones is lack of control and unfamilar people in that area. I think this stems from my unprotective upbringing with an unfamilar step-parent. Coupled with a separation for 6 months when I was 2 year old from my mother. This has made me feeling alone, vulnerable and not feeling part of a secure pack so to say. With the overhanging threat of my step-parent and a multi changing environment upbringing. Change becomes hell.

So the question now is ? How do I make the unfamilar.. familar.

autismtwo said:

Can I ask for a bit of advice.

My brother asked me to drop him at a garage to look at a car.

The request freaked me, straight away. All of a sudden my life had been stolen and I was not in control. For my autistic mind, it was a step from known land into no mans land.

My brother knew I was freaking out, so said to me, I'll met you at the park first,, you know that. That help a bit because I know the park area, and it is half way to the garage.

I was still stressed when I met him, but under this directions I got to the garage, although I did know how to get there, him talking through the directions as I drove helped me relax. When I got to the garage, I had to get out of the car and walk about due to the stress of waiting for him to return. My bowels started to go and I was freaking out about what if I need the toilet. When he returned I drove back to know land from no mans land and I was fine after half a hour, the toilet was not even in my mind.

This is what it is like in my world,, stepping of the daily path is like a parachute jump without the parachute.

If I move of the know path, my body goes into tension, stress and shut down mode and all this does or has done over time has acted as a stimulas, response and reinforcement loop.

The truth be told, I am scared of people and my ability to cope around them, it is as if my egotistical mind has a broken personally which is fragile and can be destroyed by anyone near me.

Does anyone else have a similar problem or know of any solution.

I can sympathise and understand, to a certain extent.  I had to move back in with my parents due to severe home-sickness and anxiety issues.  Likewise, I dislike being away from home for more than 24 hours.  Consequently, I have not really been on holiday as such for a long time, preferring day trips or weekends away only.  However, I do like to go on shopping trips to London on my own and go to gigs in London on my own, which is an accomplishment, but I dislike being away from home for any more than 24 hours.  

* * * * 

I think you should not be so hard on yourself and congratulate yourself that you did manage to get him to the garage and back eventually.  Even though you were very anxious, the fact that you did it should be seen as a positive step.  

If you are going to new places, before you get there, perhaps you can phone ahead, explain your disability and ask whether there is a toilet on site that you can use, if need be.

Likewise, before you get there or when you get there, you could explain of your disability and ask the staff to be patient with you.  

* * * * 

I carry with me some of the NAS Asperger Syndrome busiess cards inside the Autism Alert wallet that NAS sell.  I also take my passport with me if I think I might have to write my signature, so that I can show who I am if I accidentally miswrite my signature.  If I am having a panic attack or a meltdown, I can use these cards to indicate what my neurological illness is.  

I hate autonated switchboards, when one has to press 1, and then 5, and then 1, and then 2, and then speak to an autonated switchboard before being put through to someone.  Once I get through to an actual human being, I ask them if they can advise me of any quicker ways of getting through to someone, without going through the different options on the switchboard.