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Issues in the bedroom

NAS72600

Hi, my husband, who I have been with for 11 years now has been in touch with doctors about being referred for a assessment for Autism.

Basically I'm trying to understand things from my husbands point of view.  We have had a rough time, we are both having counselling for our separate issues, I have not been very patient and understanding with my with husband and have got angry and annoyed with him quite easily and not been understanding due to the fact I was previously in a physically abusive relationship for 13 years, I have learned how to try and keep calm and think before I open my mouth ( not always successful, but loads better than I was.

Anyway one of the big issues we have is sex and my husband struggling to talk about it. I have a very high sex drive and his is very low.   I always seem to come onto him and he never comes onto me, he likes to plan when we will do it, which I do go along with but not really happy about this as more often than not I will be getting excited thinking we are going to have sex and then he has changed his mind and we don't have sex.    I would like it to be spontaneous and him to come onto me, but that never happens, I know before he said he was worried that he would come onto me and maybe I might not want to have sex, I said I'm always up for sex and in the very rare chance I'm not then I would tell him.

I just wondered if anyone could  give us and ideas/suggestions on how to work through this issue.

Parents

  • i remember  reading an odd psychology  paper/experiment on sexual attraction  

    these "games" improve the relationship

    A. be apart for periods of time eg  several days the longer the better lol

    B. be in bed together. You are allowed to touch but not the genitals, for say a while decided by one partner ( take turns ) 

    thats it

  • in reply to aidie

    Hi Aidie

    Thanks for your reply, we wouldn't be able to try A, as we have a little boy, so neither of us would like to be away from him or really from each other for very long.

    We could try B, I might show my husband and see what he thinks.

Reply Children
  • in reply to aidie

    Hi Aidie

    thanks for your reply, actually my husband is the one that’s more keen on this idea.  If anything I think I am going to find this harder as soon as we start kissing and he has his hands on me, I want sex lol, which I think then he might feel a lot of pressure and maybe then that puts him off a bit.

    Im happy to try this as then maybe after a while he can enjoy this knowing that there will be no sex, then maybe in the future he might be happy to progress further. 

  • in reply to NAS72600

    B:   ok because of what Plastic said just to add u take turns touching each other ( light massage / feather ) ie deliberately sensitising the rest of the body and them dont complete the act. Women prefer this game more than men and I think it was created for women.