Work struggles

I really do understand where you are coming from,  I  feel like a 15 year old boy trapped in a 44 year old man's body,  I really struggle at times  

Yes, I struggle with the expectations of the adult world more than ever. I'm 42, but I feel like the scared 16-year-old that I was, and I'm so, so tired.

Don't do yourself an injustice,  you appear to do very well under the circumstances,  I guess we are all prone to giving ourselves a hard time,  what you say about being financially independent I couldn't agree more it would give us that opportunity to be truly who we really are ,  this is something I find a huge struggle and can get so depressed due to the expectations of the adult world,  if that makes sense?  

Thank you, though I think 'successfully' is too generous! I'm in a long phase of burnout. Like you, I just want to be myself. Being financially independent without the need to work would allows this, and it would be a gift more precious than I can adequately describe. 

Wow that's great that you have to jobs and successfully undertaking them,  I'm trying my best in the world of work but won't deny I find it difficult.  I also get distracted very easily too and need to be on my own in silence to concentrate. I was diagnosed with autism about 30 years ago but struggled to come to terms with it until now,  I simply just want to be me not someone I think people want to see

I have two jobs. The main one requires a lot of organisation and analysis, though I tend to take longer to do things because I want to make sure I get things absolutely right (and I'm easily distracted - I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year). I struggle so much with the 'people' side of things - the unwritten social rules, the agendas, the being told one thing by one person and a different thing by another person. In my other job, I have a lot more freedom to do and say what I want - in fact, that's a core aspect of the job.

I've also had a traumatic childhood, though I've only really started to accept this following my autism diagnosis last year. I have regularly experienced depression for the past 25 years. As Paul from the YouTube channel Adult with Autism says: "As I get older, my resilience wall gets thinner."

Wow that is a long time,  you must have enjoyed it,  yes I find I'm much happier if I have complete structure and I know what's expected of me etc

I was a teacher for 32 years. It helped that my day was extremely structured. 

I currently work 2 days a week at the moment as I've been struggling with meltdowns,  I find responsibilities of the workplace environment very challenging for me but I keep trying and telling myself that two days is better than no days at all

Watch yourself if you want employment in the NHS. 

They'll obviously be nice to service users, you have no idea how bad life can get for a registered professional if a service user makes a complaint. 

Working in the NHS is a whole different thing. There's some good like your pay is highly structured and so is the chain of command so I know I can't be pay discriminated against and if I have a problem I can easily identify who to talk to. The bad thing is it's almost impossible to get fired so if you're a bully or terrible at your job no one cares unless a patient complains. My supervisor is a nurse who is known for being a bully, if you complain people say "oh that's her personality" and "we all just need to understand that's how she is".

There's policies for everything but enforcement is sporadic. I had a whole HR investigation for calling in sick too much but they were all serious illnesses (one call in was the ambulance service because I was unconscious), I'd hit the "first trigger point". I have a colleague who calls in sick regularly, to the point where others know when she is likely to call in but she has never been approached by HR. 

They will try to make any issue you have about you instead of tackling the root cause because that would mean moving the bully and often that happens by encouraging them to apply for promoted posts. You'll find the higher up in the chain of command you go the less competent people are. During covid we joked that an NHS manager must be running the show because implementation of everything was shambolic. 

I'm hoping to stay where I am for as long as possible! I recently got a second job (they are both part time) and I'm really not doing well in that job and looking for another one that has working conditions that suit me better. No team working for me, thank you very much!

I got my first ever job when I was 24 as an audio engineer assistant and a video editor. I am struggling on trying to find work at the moment, I would rather have a job working from home, to be honest. I have always had at the back of my mind that have Autism or any form of disabilities can affect in the workplace. 

you're doing well stay where u are !  get your diagnosis it may  help you  ----- i think u have found a good employer  which is a rarity 

For me the only good thing about employment is earning money! I find communication, interaction, relationships etc so difficult. I don't have a diagnosis of autism, I'm somewhere in the process but I know that it's hard to diagnose adults. I've been dismissed from jobs so many times I've lost count and even places that I've volunteered for have asked me to stop! I'm trying to accept myself at the moment, rather than getting frustrated at and fixated on my many shortcomings but I can't say that I've had many managers who were understanding or accommodating. Sadly I've also had trouble understanding and accommodating myself and would never have thought to ask for reasonable adjustments in a workplace, frightened of getting the sack yet again. I'm sorry to be so negative. I do have an understanding employer at the moment :-) who has autistic family members.

Sometimes it's difficult to stop 

I've found it helps to know what resources are already available to employers and Trade Unions, so TUC have autism in the workplace https://www.tuc.org.uk/autism-awareness-workplace and the CIPD resource Neurodiversity in the workplace https://www.cipd.co.uk/knowledge/fundamentals/relations/diversity/neurodiversity-work . That's the standard I expect because I know what information is out there for employers. Even an answer to a simple question to a potential employer such as "Are you aware of the disability confident campaign?" https://disabilityconfident.campaign.gov.uk/ might tell you whether or not that employer is right for you. 

Sometimes it's about educating employers in how best to support - I'm fortunate to work for a large company who are getting all excited about Diversity and Inclusion and have just moved to a new role so I've built in half an hour each week with my line manager to talk about how I'm managing the work in light of diagnosis so she can "ground" me a little (I can be overly-focused, try and process too many ideas at once and sometimes I'm a little hyper and I can be *very* impatient with people who don't get my explanations for things). I'm also aware that her manager (and my indirect boss) feels she doesn't need to be aware of the nuances of my condition and how it affects me - which led almost to me being pushed into a role that wasn't suited for me. 

Advocacy is important. So again, I'm talking in the sense of working for a large company, but see if there are virtual networks of employees to share experiences and what union representation there is. I'm working on getting an advocate in case I feel I'm getting boxed in or overwhelmed and need someone to speak on my behalf (personally I'd like to take my psychologist to work, but sadly that's above my pay grade )

As a starting point, if possible, try out some part-time hours or volunteer work just to learn how you feel in the workplace (check with your benefits people that it's ok and what the impact is before you do anything). A few hours a week can help you learn what your stressors are, what things are supportive to you - how you might cope if X situation arises, the kinds of people you don't find as comfortable to deal with. It's all useful information in working out what self-management strategies will work for you, and what reasonable adjustments you may need.

Finally, if you're able to get someone to support you on this journey so you can check in with them as to how things are going that makes a world of difference. That support can be anyone, friend, work support person, counsellor - just someone who will allow you to offload with them while you're finding your way.

Personally, even though I've worked for my organisation for ages and I know some of the conversations that take place at senior levels (leadership, making your team a success blah blah blah) I've been blown away by some of the things that have been said about me which shows a complete misunderstanding not only of my condition but of supporting people in general. The workplace is a messy place and even with the policies in place - managers can still fall way short.

....and... I've just read your answer to blue below  so you might (probably will) be aware of this  stuff already....my bad. If any of this is helpful .... great. If not, no worries.

Keep going,! 

Thank you 

Luckily I also have BPD so I already do some work in the mental health services, so it be that with longer hours in the future. They know I have multiple disabilities and will do reasonable adjustments, I just have cold feet I guess from what went wrong before. But back then, I wasnt diagnosed with any of these and I have dual diagnoses in mental health alone. No wonder it was hell, although I was managing many things too. 

Soooo true

Thanks very much thanks to all of you! Yes around my special interests I agree. Luckily I'm already in one of them! I'm also lucky as they know me now and they can only do reasonable adjustments as i have too many disabilities now and the work I do is for the NHS as a service user in various projects.  total disclosure and reasonable adjustments now but went through hell to get here.