# Daily Updates #

Walked to the shop, and back, this afternoon with a sense of humility and gratitude. I went to buy a Mass Card and Paracetamol tablets.

The apartment in Magherafelt has been taken. 

the "no crowd" thing is weird 

They were good games to watch

well done Scotland and Wales. I love it when the underdogs win. 

Had a fairly relaxed day today. Cleaned the house and changed the beds. Husband made dinner, we took the dog a walk and watched the rugby. 

nails fixed and repainted - going to  a zoom party :)

I did some uni work today

Feel much, much rested today. I can actually move my limbs without feeling there are weights attached to them. Reading Gabor Mate's "When the Body Says No" last night about the importance of parents in helping with children learning emotional regulation - gave myself a bit of space to breathe and be kinder to myself.

Food delivery has arrived and I've planned all my meals for the week to escape the trauma of having to make the decision three times a day, day to day.

Reading and emotional uncertainty course today. Really want to wrap up Michael Coen's "Disloyal". It's not a very edifying book.

I'm terrible at working out what I'm supposed to do when there's no guidance or structure. Realistically I'd just sit about with a blanket or hoody if I was off work, probably any good diet would go to pot as well. 

Work is fine when supervisor is not acknowledging that I exist (though I think she thinks she's punishing me by doing this) so I really just need her to back off a bit. I might ask if I can work on the other site for a while, I hate our other hospital but respite from my supervisor might help. 

I think I have everything and everyone I need to avoid a full burn out but I need to work on acknowledging when I need help and reaching out to the people who can help me so that's what I'm going to do and I'll just keep in mind that if I need it I can step away from work for a while.

getting my nails fixed today. 

I'm glad you've noticed you're doing too much, I'd wondered myself from some posts, and as someone who does too much!

Could you create a new routine for time off, like use it for uni work? I know I find new routines hard to adjust to but i'm getting more disciplined at it. 

Better day yesterday, gran is hanging in there but she's not long for the world I wouldn't think. My mum and I had a good talk about what's coming and I think she's ready for gran to go as well. 

Had a shift at work, my manager offered to get it covered given the circumstances but I said I'd cover it, my work isn't far from grans house and it was just a short shift so good to get my mind off things. 

Scotland won! I love Scottish rugby, support my local team and my husband plays 7s. A lot of people think I like rugby because my husband does but I am more into it than him. Looking forward to the Wales/Ireland game today. 

It's a little bittersweet because we usually get a season ticket for scotland and go to all the home games but no spectating so it's all at home on the TV. I'm just happy we have anything new to watch. 

Have realised that I'm doing too much and burning out. I know that's not good. I need to apologise to support worker as I was a bit quick to disregard his observation that this was happening last week but I think now that he was right to bring it up. There's some things that I can't change like my gran dying, I already had a scheduled call with the university tomorrow to discuss my placements so I'll speak to the lecturer on the phone about my stress levels and see if they can recommend something and extend some of my coursework to take the pressure off. I've got the stress management paperwork from work and I've filled in what I can, support worker has agreed to help me with the bits I struggle with tomorrow (it's so aimed at neurotypicals it's ridiculous). 

I've got all the stuff I need to do better with what I'm eating so I'm just going to get on with that, I have no excuses really except being lazy and not prioritising my own health. I need to commit to leaving the unit during work, they've got us having lunch in our own area so I'm not getting a real break and I think that's contributing. 

Husbands mental health is improving, he's getting heavy into his visualisations and meditations but he's been using my account on the app we like so I'm going to make him sign up himself so I can use mine at work more. We get free access to the premium app through our work so it's not a cost thing, I think his head just wasn't in it when he needed it most and it was easier to just let him use mine so he wasn't getting overwhelmed but he's much better now and will be able to tackle getting the code from his work. 

Not sure what else I can do. My manager is very supportive of me taking time off but I need the routine more than anything so I don't think that would be helpful at this point in time. 

Walked to the shop, and back, this afternoon to buy Duracell AA batteries for my CD player. I was then able to listen to the Six By Seven Mixtape CD that came in the post a few weeks ago.

Good news and bad news;

Bad news;

• Three deaths in our parish yesterday. One was Covid-related, of an aunt of an ex-Workmate.
• I was pissed off at the Zoom quiz tonight, as one woman was drinking a cocktail and hugged the limelight.
• An online friend from Brighton was distraught yesterday as he had little sleep and messed up a call with his Doctor.

Good news;

• My friend from Belfast, who Lectures Nursing Students at Queen's, brought her husband with her to give me the coffee maker she bought for me last year. She also got me Tim Horton's ground coffee at their place in Glengormley; as well as four tins of Heinz Beans and choccie biccies from M and S.
• I attended an online mass.
• Bees won 4-1 at Middlesbrough.
• Scotland won at Twickenham for the first time since 1983. (don't really care about Rugby, but they were knocking on the door)

Watched tv and learnt how to do calligraphy

It's 6pm. I've slept - all day. And I still feel tired. 

Ah ta, that makes sense now.

took down a huge branch for my neighbour - more firewood for me :)

FAO Niche Market;

Ardboe is my home village.

My cleaner recommend a one-bedroom apartment in Magherafelt for me to check out.

Also, I decided to close my bond; and cash in as that is the only way to maintain myself now.

In spite of the stress it causes me, I believe that a job involving driving is the best course of action for me. Hopefully, it will work out.

My head's still a bit too much in work, or feeling i should be productive at home. Got a run at 1, work call at 3, support bubble friend coming this eve. I'd love a bath, but that'll have to wait til tmrw. I seem to be ok with the dishes, there's a wodge to do this aft but they haven't got out of control.

I introduced the idea of 'noisey hour' at work, which became 12-2 to cover lunch. Basically it was a ploy to communicate the other hours are quiet! It works quite well.

 I'm also offline most of the day, i go on for a bit normally around 4pm, then switch it off. I've trained people to know this about me, I emphasise the positive about engaging in deep work and focussing rather than highlight my need to escape or that i can't switch tasks easy. Others are copying.

I also introduced offline weds, where no one is expected to reply to stuff, again to enable deep work. It got extended to mondays too!

Basically I have an idea, wait for something similar to happen by accident, say how great it was and why, then suggest we try doing it again and make a proposal.