# Daily Updates #

gardening today, i think, its dry outside here but cold  but once i get going its will be fine -- radio head phones on gg

I'm realising how much I find people exhausting. I've spent a while working on small projects and been pretty much left to it - which, although its felt a bit lonely at times because there's no-one to bounce ideas off, I've enjoyed it because I've been left to work at my own pace.

I've been moved to a new role - which is all the things I'm interested in - but fitting in with other people's schedules this week really wore me out (actually - following other people's train of thought is just draining, especially if there's a bunch of them figuring stuff out).

I think I'm going to need to build-in work-time during the day where my phone and online chat is off limits and e-mail is my preferred method of communication.

Most of my life i worked part time. I thought it was cos i was a bit lazy, counter cultural and not bought in to need for money, etc, etc. But now i realise it's cos i needed the extra two days off, and the 2.5 days work spread over 3.

I'm now working 5 days which sometimes is just too hard.

Totally misjudged this week - I still feel knackered, I've got the should-have-kept-to-regular-hours-and-shut-some-things-down-earlier "hangovers". Looks like I'm due for a long weekend next week - which will chew up my leave.

My cat has the zoomies though. Which is always funny to watch. 

Went for a walk and did uni work 

Enjoy your day off, I'm working tomorrow

Gosh, it's Sat tmrw, I can lie in, no expectations, nothing to do. Wowser I need to switch off, it's been a week full of thinking big n deep for work.

What's "Ardboe" mean?

Finished work for the week which has been a little too stressy in places and my body is now processing it - I feel absolutely floored. My mood chart has been veering a little too much in the blue the last couple of days (varying degrees of wearyness) so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I've been a little more open with people this week and I haven't always set boundaries, allowing some conversations to go on way too long - and in some it feels like we're talking past each other -that's been really difficult. Perhaps I'm expecting people to be too much like amateur psychologists in "getting" me. Suddenly remember that "theory of mind" is a thing and I'm going to have to consciously work at it. 

Make a mental note that I'm going to have also learn how to adjust my conversational style to the person I'm talking to (seems really obvious now!) and that I need to manage my social exposure and find strategies to exit if it's getting a bit much- suddenly I'm annoyed that my psychologist has been proved right again. This stuff isn't easy.

Disappointed I'm not in the "Friday rush" anticipating the weekend, cooking a homemade burger will be the highlight of my evening. Plus snoozing with the cat.  

Today is computer dunging out day.  Sorting and clearing out the various files I tend to accumulate, boring stuff.

Meanwhile listening to an old CD (clubber's guide to Ibiza 99) I haven't listened to in years, decades even.  Not really my cup of tea anymore, but good memories.

Well today just felt like a wasted a day. 

Went to work although I'm not really needed there and felt like I did nothing productive

My sister called me after work, my gran (who has terminal cancer) has had a series of small strokes. She has a DNAR and an anticipatory care plan which means her children knew not to call an ambulance or take her to hospital. Mum says she's very confused but asking for her grandchildren (who are all adults). Per my grandad and her children's wishes we didn't go over tonight but if she makes it through the night we are (most of us, some stuck abroad) going over tomorrow to sit with her. 

I'm finding it hard, my gran is a huge person in my life and I'll miss her when she goes but I know she can't stay and it's not fair for us to make her feel like she should. 

Just to put icing on the cake, I realised today that I've not had a period since December. We've been trying for a baby since we got married 4 years ago with absolutely no luck, I'm terrified of taking a test. I'm just filing it at the back of my mind until I can deal with my gran, I think the stress might be affecting my cycles. 

Watched tv

Late answer- who cares.. I quite liked Discovery when it got going (once I got past all the in-your-face gleaming tech). Anson Mount does a good Captain Pike. Very respectable continuation of the franchise.   

Ardboe ones are messaging me on Facebook about me selling up my place. That, along with the clutch issue with my car, is making me feel incarcerated in my own home. I'm getting a wee bit paranoid.

On a more positive note, I lost three pounds this week. And it didn't require much effort. More of the same, please.

The first few weeks are a churn. I replayed my entire life, all those incidentspop up and suddenly get explained. There's so many dots to join. It does get quieter and easier. I read an AS memoir recently called Keep Clear, and again my sleep got disrupted, but back to normal now.

DId work, got excited because I figured something out. Carted the cat to the vet for his booster and I'm always amazed as to how different vets pick up on different things. I don't think I've even been given any advice that's been consistent between visits. 

Had a great chat with the taxi driver and wondered why I wasn't like this all the time. Slept most of the evening because I felt knackered. Read some of Michael Coen's memoir "Disloyal" and wonder if I'll ever finish the book - some of his escapades are starting to become a little tedious.

Sadly I'm not sleeping well at night, my brain has been on too much of a churn over the past few days reprocessing stuff  since the diagnosis, so when "real life" isn't around to distract it ..... off it goes.... I'm told this is a thing.   

Played a couple of hours of Shadow of Chernobyl which tends to quieten things down a bit. I remember to switch the thing off before I get too frustrated with it and decide I need to find a more creative way to wind down.

just completed a days work at lunch had to fix the damage last night caused by flooding to my rivers banks - .planted a tree.. played 3 games of chess lost 1 won 2 

Day off today but it was ridiculously busy.

Had a catch up with my autism support worker and told him what's going on at work. We're coming up with ways of dealing with the issues.

Then had a psych appointment, my mental health has taken a plummet with work and what I'm doing but I don't do well with conventional therapies so I needed them to refer me to a specialist autism team.

Then I had a phone call with my dyslexia person from the uni about an upcoming essay that I need her help for the layout.

Then an online tutorial for the university.

In between I threw dinner in the slow cooker, tidied the house, put in a grant application, followed up a complaint that I'd filed, ironed 2 baskets of clothing and bedding and put it all away and put on a washing. 

Started making a felt owl today, did some uni work and watched tv