Struggling to keep going


I love a man I think is on the spectrum a little higher than most but is able to disguise and “fit in”. It’s only when you spend time with him and get to know him that he can’t hide his traits. We have a long distance relationship and see each other on weekends as he works in the RAF. 
My problem is that although we have discussed this and some days he can see why I think he got ASD, he doesn’t Understand how hurtful he can be. Hes been in and out of relationships all his adult life, never married and no kids and seems to have developed a mechanism for coping with so many relationship breakdowns by blaming “women”. I did question misogynistic tendencies for quite some time but I do believe that because he doesn’t understand the consequences to his actions and words, he find it easiest to blame others. 
II’ve become snappy and I hate myself for it but I spend so long ignoring comments and behaviours to protect myself that eventually it comes out. He calls me argumentative and says I look for problems. (I actually don’t it’s just it gets to breaking point and I have to say something for my mental health). 
My friends don’t understand why I bother when he comes across as so mean (by text). They question if he really has ASD (my teacher diagnosis), or if he is just a self centred, all about me, gaslighting, misogynistic man. There is no other viewpoint but his own. And he so good at belittling my feelings that I feel Liek I’m going insane some times, 
He always says “I have good intentions and I mean well.” And I’m supposed to just accept everything, I’ve told him I can’t read minds and most people use inference to work out what people mean yet he wnats me to take everything on face value.

A classic line of his is “you’re wearing me down and I’ve had enough” to which I have but l explain that to most peopel that’s a serious fault ina relationship and it probably won’t end well. Whereas he means it as a “I’m not happy with what’s happening right now”.

I don’t know how to proceed, I need him to understand the work I put in and that his viewpoint isn’t always as he sees it for me to have some worth as a person. I don’t know how to do this...