Questions

Lisa said:

Every time I say that I have autism people react with the same sentence “is it diagnosed then?” 
this reaction just blows my mind.

Me too. Also the kind of unspoken question I get is "Oh, so, now you're diagnosed you can get back to normal soon then & satisfy all of my needs & assumptions?"

This has just made me think of the following analogy.

Imagine a world where everyone is cube-shaped; big boxes with little legs and arms sticking out. Along comes Ms Sphere, who is really spherical but is squished into a cube-shaped box because that's the shape that everyone else presents and she wants to fit in. One day she tells some people that, underneath her outward cube-like appearance, she's actually spherical and suffering a lot because of being squished into a cube all day every day. "Oh?" people say, "Are you diagnosed spherical then? You don't look spherical to me.....". ["That's because of this ****ing box you put me in!"]

May I ask, how did it come about that you thought you needed a diagnosis of autism?

If I told you what awful things people have actually done to me and said to me you wouldn’t believe it. 

I don’t know what you mean by masking but I have tried to copy other girls and women throughout my life because I didn’t know what to do socially and other things

My family ostracise me and exclude me and bully me so I’m also feeling that I’m not part of my family 

But that person talks to me as though I’m an idiot now

My family don’t discuss it either and actively try to silence me on the topic. There is only one person in my family who attempts to support me 

you fit in here ! ‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍.

There are dozens of ppl just like u here. ‍‍‍‍‍‍. 

This maybe a bit harsh, but you misspelt harsh

Your answer almost had me in tears. It is so refreshing talking to someone who knows what is going on and reading that I’m not imagining and whining about things.

I gave up searching for this one book or this one article which hold the answers to all my questions.

However, I am wondering where other people with ASD got their knowledge about how people and society work.

I asked my therapist plenty of questions but she couldn’t answer any of them directly. The only thing she told me is that people with ASD usually don’t have problems with social things and I still don’t know why she said that. 

Questions like how do people make friends and stay friends with all the expectations that come with it. I’d love to have friends and people to meet but it never seems to work out.

How do people with ASD cope with people not believing them when they say they have issues doing certain things. “Everyone has autism” I’ve heard so often by now.

Especially here in the Netherlands where everyone who starts organising their things is called autistic. I wonder what is wrong with society.

How does one let people know when one does not like to be touched a certain way or does not want people to get too close. People just don’t believe or respect it. When I don’t shake hands when saying hello then I’m an a**hole

How do other people with ASD not get crushed by society? It is so hard to find anyone supportive. Yet in media (TV for example) people with autism are surrounded by supportive people. I know that it’s not real but I don’t understand why it gets portrayed that way.

There are just too many things that I want and need to know because I feel like it would take off the load I am carrying. But then, will I really feel better after knowing these things or will there just be more questions?

Everything is so confusing and tiring

Please don't feel you are whining because you are not, nor are you imagining things, you are not alone in how you feel, it is so hard constantly feeling like ever human interaction is an up hill struggle, like everything needs an explanation and to be justified, when sometimes it feels like we are the ones making all the compromises. It is exhausting. 

I think also that a lot of us don't know where we fit in and a quick look at Goodreads reviews for Aspergirls suggests that many women don't see themselves in that book - it got a lot of 3 star reviews. I haven't read so I can't really judge it but it would seem it's brilliant for some and a bit meh for others.

Lisa said:

Maybe I’m just overanalysing

Overanalysing is what we do 

Not a problem. I'm glad I could help. If there's anything else... Just ask!

Thank you so much for the link! This was very helpful 

I have thought about things like that as well. Sadly, my parents are both German and don’t understand English at all so most of the YouTube channels are out of question. Another thing is that they are way too close minded to talk about things like autism and frankly I have kind of given up explaining things to them because I now live 700km away anyways. It’s just that I’ve encountered plenty of other people who just don’t understand or don’t want to. Especially on the job, when trying to make friends, you just know that it won’t work out because they downplay everything I say and make it seem like I am just imagining things or whining about things which then have me question if the diagnosis is actually real or if I’m just super sensitive and I don’t really know where I fit in because even if I read books like Aspergirls or watch channels like the aspie world etc. I have issues seeing myself in those videos/books. Maybe I’m just overanalysing. I’m sorry for whining but it feels so good to finally, after 22 years, to talk to people who understand at least a little. 

That is so frustrating for you.  

How open do you think your family would be to learning about autism, perhaps if you found some people on YouTube that you felt you could relate to, would your family be prepared watch and then discuss with you? There are quite a few Aspies with YouTube channels and your family could see other people with Autism who don't fit the stereotype that they imagine; I'm just suggesting YouTube because seeing someone "in person" so to speak wouldn't let their imagination take over and create a bias. Does that make sense? It's just a though, possibly not a very good one, though. 

Basically, Autism has three levels of severity, with level 3 being the most severe, and level 1 (Where Asperger's sits) is the least severe.

This link will be able to inform you more about different symptoms.

www.healthline.com/.../levels-of-autism

Hi there, thanks for the response! 
can I ask what type 2 ASD is? I didn’t know that there were different types besides classic autism, Aspergers and PDD-NOS 

Hi Leaf, thanks for the kind words (: 

I think that they just have a certain image of how autistic people behave but they never met anyone who was diagnosed. The only cOn my way! thing I ever got from my family was “well if you have autism.. then it’s more like Aspergers because you don’t have typical autism.”  When I explained that Aspergers is different, it was just disregarded and never spoken of again. 

Hello Lisa, welcome to the forum! I have been diagnosed with Level 2 ASD. Do feel free to ask any questions and read my profile.

It can be difficult having Autism because, some people may struggle to understand what the condition is, and what effects it has on the person that has it. It can also be difficult on you because, others cannot understand why you are the way you are. It basically means that you do things differently to others, in a way that makes sense to yourself.

Unlike other disabilities (Although it is classed as a condition), others cannot tell whether or not a person has Autism. Some people may be surprised to learn that you have the condition. 

I too, struggle to fit in. I am normally quiet as a grave, unless the subject is something that interests me. Other than that, I seem to be more fluent in the written/typed word rather than spoken.

Hi Lisa welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you are going through this.  

Lisa said:

The only thing I heard was that I don’t seem like the typical autistic person and that it doesn’t make sense to them that I was diagnosed to begin with and if anyone else has these issues. 

Can I just ask, here you say that people (your family?) say that you aren't typical; does that mean that you are not like other people they know who have also been diagnosed Autistic or that you are not typical to what they believe an Autistic person 'should' be?

I ask because you are you and there is no typical or not typical but how you deal with that will depend on why people believe you're not typical.