Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I got diagnosed with autism last year, at the age of 21, due to a joke which then turned quite real. Even though I had a good therapist, I was left with too many questions to answer.
I tried to find answers in articles online or in books but the situations were all different, they all had family which understood and was supportive.
I wonder, why autism never gets discussed in my family. The only thing I heard was that I don’t seem like the typical autistic person and that it doesn’t make sense to them that I was diagnosed to begin with and if anyone else has these issues.
I wonder if anyone else’s problems just get downplayed by other people when they try to open up. Every time I say that I have autism people react with the same sentence “is it diagnosed then?” this reaction just blows my mind. I wonder why I never seem to fit in anywhere, even if I try so hard. I don’t even feel like I’m a past if my own family anymore. There is nothing that connects me to my parents an when I visit them, there is nothing we talk about. My masking also doesn’t work very well anymore. Did anyone else experience their masking abilities to just disappear or weaken?
There are so many more questions I have but I have no one who can help me with that. I’d love to have a few people to talk to (:
So I don’t really know where I was going with this, maybe just letting off some steam? If you wanna say something then you are welcome to do so (:
It’s my first time in a forum so please don’t be too harsch on me!
Lisa said:I wonder why I never seem to fit in anywhere, even if I try so hard
Me too. Looking back at my life, I can see now that I was always different and expended lots of energy to try to fit in, but the reality is that I don't - not in "that" world. But the blessing is that I do fit in in my world, and that's what matters. I also think that I fit in here, and you will too.
Lisa said:I don’t even feel like I’m a past if my own family anymore.
Me too, if I'm talking about my parents, aunts and uncles, cousins etc. I have nothing in common with them that I would choose to celebrate. One of my own children has disowned me. Thank god I have a loving wife and step-children.
Lisa said:There is nothing that connects me to my parents an when I visit them, there is nothing we talk about.
Me too. Obviously we have parts of our pasts in common, and I feel a sense of debt to them for bringing me up & I'm genuinely grateful for that, but there isn't much more positive to say.
Lisa said:My masking also doesn’t work very well anymore. Did anyone else experience their masking abilities to just disappear or weaken?
Yes, me too.
I hope that helps you feel less alone - it does me!
When I got diagnosed at first nothing really happened. I wasn’t surprised. But then all of a sudden I thought about my life an it all made so much sense. All this time I didn’t feel like I fit in anywhere. I only had issues and I wouldn’t understand the people around me and certain situations.
in the beginning I tried so hard to explain to my family what autism is and how it works and I really tried to have a good relationship with them but at one point I just gave up. I realised that I don’t owe my family anything. Now I’m living my own life far away from them and I can’t say I miss them in any way. I just find it very hard to understand that I lived with people for 20 years of my life and they don’t even try to understand.
the last time I went to see my family my mum arranged a meet-up with my aunt I haven’t seen in 13 years. 30 mins before she’d came over I found out that it wasn’t just her coming but also her son so I got really really nervous. Then my mum quickly went to the store to get something but she called me to tell me that my aunt and her son are on the way and almost there. I started panicking and crying because I don’t want them to arrive when I was home alone. Luckily she came back before they arrived and she told me that if it gets too much for me I can just say that I want to walk the dog so I don’t have to mention my autism but she’d tell my aunt about my breakdown later. To this day I don’t understand why she told her. What did she gain from that?
I’m sorry if I’m wrong but I’m assuming that you are male. i actually didn’t know that males do masking as well. it is so fascinating how every single person with autism is just completely different!