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Needing some advice please

tony

My 15 year old daughter has had a real love of Gary barlow for some months now and it has been ticking along fine as she has gathered her collection of dvd's, books and cd's but because of the problems she has she doesnt really have an understanding of the real world. Tonight she was talking about things she would like for christmas and one of them was to meet gary barlow and have her picture taken, also to audition for the x factor, amongst other things, these are her dreams she says. She had a real go at me tonight for telling her that although its nice to have dreams, these things arent always practical and may not always come true, and now i am a bad dad cos i dont understand her world. This is the first time i have ever been stuck for help as i dont know what to tell her as she feels nobody understands her and that we are all being unfair. This obsession is really getting out of hand and her grasp of reality is practically non existant, her understanding seems to be getting worse over the months as there have been issues in school too. Anyone have any advice that might help?

Parents

  • tony, you know fine well you arent a 'bad dad' you are doing the best you can,  lighten up onyourself Smile

    my autistic partner is not here just now, but i think he would have better advice for you than i would as he obviously has had 'obsessions' himself which can mean he does lose reality a wee bit so may be able to help you in how to talk to her about it

    personally i think you did the right thing, but maybe my partner knows a different way to explain it to her, i will try to get his input on this soon ok

    ADDITIONAL

    my partner only had a few things to say, that you did the right thing already as we have all said, that you should talk to a proffesional autistic specialist/therapist who can help her understand

    and,

    he also thinks talking about her obsession with her might help her come back to reality because that way it is NOT in her head any more, its outside in the real world,and MAYBE she will even be able to hear how it might sound 'logically' if its not just in her head, where she can control it

    you just listen, dont critisise or tell her its not gonna happen etc,

    just ask her if she wants to talk about it, and let her,

    if she asks what you think about it, try to stick with the 'im just here to listen, understand how you feel and let you get it all out'

    now bear in mind he is a grown adult man , not a 15 year old girl, so obviously he cant know exactly what to/say or how she will respond, but basing it on his own autism and the obsessive part he thinks this could help

Reply

  • tony, you know fine well you arent a 'bad dad' you are doing the best you can,  lighten up onyourself Smile

    my autistic partner is not here just now, but i think he would have better advice for you than i would as he obviously has had 'obsessions' himself which can mean he does lose reality a wee bit so may be able to help you in how to talk to her about it

    personally i think you did the right thing, but maybe my partner knows a different way to explain it to her, i will try to get his input on this soon ok

    ADDITIONAL

    my partner only had a few things to say, that you did the right thing already as we have all said, that you should talk to a proffesional autistic specialist/therapist who can help her understand

    and,

    he also thinks talking about her obsession with her might help her come back to reality because that way it is NOT in her head any more, its outside in the real world,and MAYBE she will even be able to hear how it might sound 'logically' if its not just in her head, where she can control it

    you just listen, dont critisise or tell her its not gonna happen etc,

    just ask her if she wants to talk about it, and let her,

    if she asks what you think about it, try to stick with the 'im just here to listen, understand how you feel and let you get it all out'

    now bear in mind he is a grown adult man , not a 15 year old girl, so obviously he cant know exactly what to/say or how she will respond, but basing it on his own autism and the obsessive part he thinks this could help

Children
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