I've hit a point after receiving my diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Condition of the Aspergers type just recently, and I have realised that although it has given me many answers to my life struggles and also that I can now try and take my mask off in social situations a bit more and actually be the real person I am, that it still will not sink in with close family that I have this condition and that I can still annoy people.
I was maybe hoping for more understanding from my wife most of all because I am hardwork and make mistakes or disagree with her opinion or say things how it is or don't complement her which can be annoying for her etc etc, but when I mention I have my AS to her all I get is "oh that's your excuse is it"? When in actual fact I'm not using it as an excuse if I make a mistake by saying something or doing something inappropriate at the time it would actually be nice to have acknowledged why I am in that way. She is a nice person but this annoys me.
The diagnosis will never change who I am but I was hoping for a better understanding from her. One of the constant struggles is my special interest gets in the way of spending time together.
Also I have come to the conclusion where I don't want to let my employer know even though part of me tells me to mention it so work could possibly be a little less stressful.
Another thing that's annoying me is knowing that I'll always be on and off medication just to get by in life because my brain isn't wired up like it should be to cope with every day activities like NT's.
I wonder if anyone else had lots of different thoughts after receiving their diagnosis?
Yep, yep and yep... except the medication.
Has your wife had any direct support to help her understand autism and what this means?
No support. But I was given different numbers on a piece of paper. To be honest even if I suggested to her maybe speak or read about my condition I don't know how/if she would take it well?
I get the feeling from her that it ment alot to me finding out the truth and shes just happy with that, but forgetting the real struggle which is what I have, and how to understand me a bit better?
Yeah, I've been getting (or feeling like I'm getting) "Well, now you know what's wrong with you you can fix it..."
When what I want is "Now we know that certain things are difficult for you, what can I do help reduce those things or be more understanding when they trigger your anxiety?"
We're getting there but the latest was "You never talk to me, you just go and do <something> and shut me out..."
Which shows a lack of understanding - 'talking about it' is not my way of dealing with and won't help me... I need time to be absorbed in my own interest to 'decompress'
I'm not shutting you out, I'm shutting everything out... don't take it personally.
Or, I'm not a very tactile person, so if I come to you for a hug - I need a hug, don't push me away after 3 seconds 'cos I'm too hot or you're in the middle of something else.
I think it can be a very difficult time for the partner of the diagnosed - they, as much as we may need to mourn the 'loss' of the person they knew pre-diagnosis.
Original Prankster said:I'm not shutting you out, I'm shutting everything out... don't take it personally.
This! I haven't yet found the words to explain this to my partner correctly. She usually does take it personally when I need alone time and often feels rejected. She says she understands but I know she is feeling hurt. It's usually for the best as I can't function properly so would be unable to fulfill any of her needs in that state... The best I came to explaining it was I just want the world to stop, everyone and everything. Just so I can catch up and concentrate and in the process everybody else is unaffected because they will be paused and when I'm ready everything can resume and you'd never know...