bad day!

stelaine said:

hiya

just need somewhere to rant off too! sorry in advance.

My son 5 was diagnosed with asd in april today we are havin a really bad day, he is being awfully bad behaved, telling me to shut up whenever i talk ,slamming doors, just being rude.....im at my wits end with it all as i dont know how to control it or what to say , im getting myself down and he can see it and i feel he plays on that ive tried to be strong for so long but today im at my wits end...

sorry for goin on just needed to get it out 

hi there stelaine, the problem with autism is you really cant 'control' it to a huge degreee, a lot of the time they and us have to just get through it

you think he can see it?, i dont know about that, autistics have a problem understanding and reading other peoples emotions, even the high functioning ones, so its unlikely he 'sees' how it affects you, but, he MIGHT be having some echopraxia /echoalia from you, if your down he mimics you being down, and the way he might express that is to be stressed and frustrated and 'rude'

im not sure if he plays on it or not either, again in general manipulation isnt something autistics are particularly good at , as it usually means understanding people well enough to know how you can get what you want

did you have anyone really sit and explain what him having autism means?

as an autistic he basically can't understand or read emotions very well, if at all, and  that for the most part that means anything he might 'seem' like hes doing, he probbaly isnt doing or at least isnt doing it on purpose

hi - there may be things which are stressing him out.  He is unlikely to understand he is being rude.  He won't use the niceties of language because of the autism, unless he's instructed in certain phrases to use.   Has he got a daily routine when at home?  That might help to settle him down, at least for some parts of the day. Are there ways he can use up his energy.  My son was sometimes full of beans and would go on his play equipment in the garden and give it some welly!  My son seems to notice "bigger" reactions, probably because they're easier to interpret.  At the same time, there is the concern of the big reaction being overly dramatic and how would he react to that?   Is he easily distracted?  Would that work?  When you're tired and frazzled it's not at all easy to keep your cool and think objectively. I've had times when I felt just like you.   Perhaps he's missing the routine of school?  My son had favourite videos - does yours?  A bit of telly watching could give you both a bit of relief.  Sorry if I'm suggesting things you've already tried.  Maybe you've done all the things I'm mentioning.  Does he get any respite care?  bw

Hi there.

Know how you feel! We have 3 kids, the middle one M with Aspergers and have just had the weekend from hell. Had so much bad behaviour - with M doing his best to deliberately wind his younger sister up, and then screaming when he can't take the older one having a go at him. Are also at our wits end! It just feels like you can't have a normal life and can't relax and enjoy anything.

It's really hard to know what the best way to react it. I try to be calm, but then wonder if M realises how it's affecting other people if I don't show more how upset I am. After all, he's not good at reading others' emotions, so if I'm not shouting or crying, will he know to take it seriously??? It's just a complete nightmare.

I know this hasn't answered your questions, but at least you know you're not alone!

Best,

Hellsbells