Closure

Hi I'm Naomi,

I'm 25 and I hail from Bedfordshire in England.

I volunteer for various charities including Ambitious about Autism and The National Autistic Society.

I am currently an Art Student at college.

I am hoping to change colleges next term and do a 2 year course in The Performing Arts.

I don't feel well because I keep dwelling on the past.

I had a really good friend who left one of my charities and I just cant get over it.

I felt really close to him, I feel anxious when he's not around me and it has been a very long time since I saw him last.

Its almost a year and a half since I saw him properly.

I feel very ill as he meant the world to me and at college no-one believes that he exists.

He was so special to me and now I'm getting bullied about our relationship because I told them
in confidence as I thought they wanted to be friends.

I really don't know how to handle the situation because even after having counselling

I still am morning the loss of my friend.

My counsellor says I need some kind of Closure.

I think I need to have more sessions now that my time is up.

I have a horrible meeting tomorrow with my Form teacher because

there is this girl who's really bullying me about it.

If someone replies I can tell you more about the situation.

I just need some advice.

My friend I fancied he was black and I am white.

This girl keeps bullying me because she doesn't believe me that I loved him.

She says that I am making up the situation.

She keeps saying really offensive things about me and us.

Please reply to my conversation.

I need to know how to deal with the situation tomorrow.

  • I'm sorry if this is a bit much to handle but with the bullying its really getting out of hand...

    The teacher has even gotten envolved and she said to students that Autistic people are retards.

  • The girl is black she has two white best friends who are gay together. The teacher is also gay and married to a woman, you'd think they would have more understanding because of Neurodiversity but they don't care. What should I do go into college for six weeks or just give up the course at the last hurdle? I won't necessarily get a qualification out of it but I always have next year to do Performing Arts instead of Art. It's really hurtful and confusing the way I feel so I don't know who to turn to.

  • Its horrible how gay is accepted but autistic isn't and neither are straight interracial friendships. If it was my choice my friend he wouldnt have left and we would have been girlfriend and boyfriend. I feel that it is my fault why he left my work.

  • Hi @Cloudy Mountains I hope you are well, this is my first post here tonight, I am looking for some advice. Can you help me, please?

  • I don't feel well because I keep dwelling on the past.

    I've been in several realationships, and you do kind of dwell on what went wrong, or what that person is doing now. It's natural, I think unless the split is very nasty, or you have a reason to never want to see that person again, you can always have thoughts of that person. The thing is that that person might not be thinking of you. You can only live your life depending on what is in front of you there and then.

    I feel very ill as he meant the world to me and at college no-one believes that he exists.

    Who cares what they think. You know that you are telling the truth. Best to deal with your feelings, and forget what the people at college think. It really doesn't matter if people who don't care about how they are making you feel, don't believe you.

    He was so special to me and now I'm getting bullied about our relationship because I told them
    in confidence as I thought they wanted to be friends.

    What they say doesn't matter. They have betrayed your trust. Don't discuss it with them, as they are obviously having fun at your expense. You trying to convince them is probably what they want. They are obviously trying to get you to speak about it, as a source of amusement. Just don't talk about it to them, it isn't going to change the way you feel about him, and they can't, plus probably don't want to help you deal with your feelings.

    I still am morning the loss of my friend.

    I've lost a few people over the years, some have died, some moved, some I just lost touch with. I lost a friend at 17, and I still think about him. We grew up together, and were close. He died (suicide), but I didn't see it coming. I sometimes think about what I could have done. The sad truth is, nothing. He did it after a drug binge, and was not in a state of mind where he knew what he was doing. He was temporarily out of control. The thing that troubles me most is that if he was sober, it's probably the last thing he'd have done. He wasn't, had a psychotic episode, and killed himself. I wasn't there, so what could I have done. I can't do anything now, and me thinking I could isn't going to bring him back. You constantly thinking about it, isn't going to change it.

    My counsellor says I need some kind of Closure.

    The only way you are going to get closure, is to find him, maybe on Facebook or something, and speak to him, or to just move on. A year and a half is a long time, so if he hasn't tried to contact you it might be time to move on. It's hard letting go, but sometimes it's all you can do. I've been in love, and things fell apart. I didn't speak to one girl after splitting up for 10 years, she phoned me out of the blue, and told me she loved me. "I'd always been the one", apparently. I told her to *** off. I'd got over her years ago, and found someone else who actually stuck around, when I needed them. I didn't need closure, but she got all the closure she needed. When I needed some form of closure, I didn't get any, she didn't give two shits.

    You will get over it, you are young. The first time you fall in love is so difficult, because you have no past experience to draw on. You don't know how to feel, how to deal with it, or what to do when things end. It sucks. Bad. At least you learn how to do things next time.

    This girl keeps bullying me because she doesn't believe me that I loved him.

    Who cares. *** her. Why is she so important that you should feel bad if she doesn't believe you! She's just another person, just like you, so why care. It seems like they have found something that they know makes you feel bad, and they know how to use it against you. *** them. They aren't important.

    She says that I am making up the situation.

    She can say what she likes, you know that it happened. She has found a way to get to you. She probably doesn't care if it happened, all she cares about is how it makes you feel. It sounds like it isn't making you feel good.

    She keeps saying really offensive things about me and us.

    If you know they are trying to offend you, you are half way there. Don't let them offend you, it might be hard, but the best thing is to just think that they don't matter. If they want to hurt you, they aren't friends, or people who you need to care about. At the moment you aren't together, so there is no "us". That's the best way to see it.

    The girl is black she has two white best friends who are gay together. The teacher is also gay and married to a woman, you'd think they would have more understanding because of Neurodiversity but they don't care.

    In the bigger picture of life, none of this matters. I don't see why because someone is black, or gay, that there is any connection with neurodiversity. Even neurodiverse people can be mean. There are people in this life that are good, bad, nice, nasty, helpful, and unhelpful. It doesn't matter what their sexual orientation, or race is. It's best not to expect anything from people until you truly know what they are about. I'm mixed, autistic, and a bit rough. One of my friends is a 70 year old, white, "neurotypical", ex-nun. If you saw us together you wouldn't expect us to be friends. As you get older you will find good people, you find things in common with people you don't expect.

    What should I do go into college for six weeks or just give up the course at the last hurdle?

    Go to college. Forget about them. Six weeks is a short amount of time. Why throw everything away for people that don't matter, and you will probably never see again. Finish your course, cut the people teasing you out of your life, and either try and contact the guy you love, or forget him. I know it's hard, but sometimes these things will seem completely unimportant in a few years.

    Look after yourself, and *** the people who are doing this to you. They probably want to see you fail. Get your qualification, and leave them in the dust.

  • The teacher has even gotten envolved and she said to students that Autistic people are retards.

    I missed this part last night, but looking at it, I'd say that I think that if the students that are being mean to you have told you this, I wouldn't believe them. They are probably trying to start a problem up with you and the teacher. If you didn't see it yourself, or there were lots of people that heard it, it most probably isn't true.

    Hope you are feeling less stressed today, and you managed to stay away from those idiots.