Published on 12, July, 2020
Ok decided to put this under miscellaneous and chat as there are more serious things than what I have to say here.
Now I am able to accept I can’t do a lot of things, for instance I cannot keep more than three numbers in my head at once, that’s ok I just don’t get involved and if I do I have a pen and paper and a calculator handy.
What upsets me is people who without thinking cause me so much hurt.
If for instance if I ask a question that I am unable to find an answer too, why oh why must they say “ oh really! That’s so simple everyone can do that!”
And so straight away I feel inadequate, stupid, wishing I hadn’t said a word.
This stems back to early school days, I soon realised that asking more than once how to do something was an excuse for the teacher or child to raise their voice, then talk to me as if I were stupid, often laughing that I couldn’t understand such a very simple thing.
This happens all to often in social interaction. I never quite know what to say or how to respond to things people say.
If it’s work related or something specific like science or mechanics then fine I can go in and in forever,
This all stems from earlier today, I was researching something I had read in here, I thought it would be useful to post it up for everyone to see.
It might give others an insight as to how the therapy and those who carry it out manage it.
No matter what I tried I just couldn’t get it to appear on my reply. I tried searching YouTube for an answer, yes loads of how to but none specific for this format?
After a very long time I gave up, I cried a little as it seemed such a simple thing and yet I couldn’t find the answer.
I only found out how to put links up to YouTube videos after asking my daughter, I had no idea how to copy and paste until I eventually found advice on YouTube, it wasn’t easy,,, every video assumed the basics were known and skipped that to show how to move things around to different environments... I hadn’t got a clue,
I opened up a reply box in here, I started typing, but I couldn’t then copy anything, this is also true when I try to reply to a previous reply, once in the reply box I cannot then copy anything.
Anyway was feeling rather useless, rant over, all good,
feel free to post advice, I may not get it first time round, but I won’t ask if I don’t.
take care everyone, your all amazing people. ()
It is definitely NOT you, but how this forum works. It does NOT work well at all... Sometimes the fault lies elsewhere and not within ;-)
For me the difference is not how others treat me, but how many things are happening simultaneously that get me to shut down.
Glad you brought this up, because I only use my phone, and I kept running into the same problems...
Can't quote, can't cooy and only rarely can I do the '@- someone' thing.
Really tiring and driving me insane *sigh*
You are not alone. I mainly use an iPad touchscreen or my iPhone and I am in a muddle a lot of the time. When I post replies sometimes they just vanish and I have to write them again. It took me four attempts once, a real test of perseverance. What I do now with a long reply is copy the text before I even try and post my message. That way if it disappears I can paste it back in again as a new reply.
I can't cut and paste within reply boxes and sometimes I can't paste in text I have copied from elsewhere. There's a weird thing on my iPhone where I can see I've got personal messages but I can't open them - the screen just goes darker but nothing happens. In spite of all these glitches I absolutely love this forum.
I long to level the playing field when other people are derogatory about my skill deficits or social awkwardness. There are things we excel at that they don't. We really ought to have a virtual reality 'autism world' we could send them into. When they came back out they'd be much nicer to us and appreciate our strengths.
When you analyse some NT behaviour it is not commendable - dishonesty, gossiping and putting down other people, an obsession with material goods and conventional narrow ideas of 'success', bolstering their fragile sense of self by looking down on people who are struggling. For any of us overcoming the fear and anxiety that results from being treated badly is a tough thing to do, it's not surprising that we get upset.
Remember that if you are in a comfortable environment talking about things that inspire you, your brilliance and focus is something most NTs will never come close to. It's no accident that autistic people have been great inventors, visionaries, writers and artists. Autism is a different way of seeing things that has such enormous potential within it. Sadly some NTs go out of their way to prevent us from flourishing.
Be proud of who you are and what you do well. When things are difficult it is often a failure of communication on the other side - things haven't been explained properly. ()
In the right environment, I can be amazing. I have achieved things way in excess of most NT's wildest dreams.
In the wrong environment, I am a bumbling fool, shut down and unable to express myself and unable to interact with people.
The only difference between the two is how I am treated by others.
Thank you so much - I spent ages looking for a simple help guide. It would make things so much easier to understand. I don't like asking for help generally and it's the same when using a forum like this. It wouldn't need to be complicated, in fact the simpler the better. Even a few FAQs would be good. I thought of starting a forum user guide thread, but the problem with that is it would get lost amongst all the others. It really needs to be clearly visible at all times. If we wrote one do you think the webmaster would put it up?
I know exactly where you're coming from. I hate that horrible vicious circle that it's possible to get into, where you can end up never finding out how something works because, even when they've stopped laughing or accusing you of being awkward or argumentative, people still don't tell you the answer at the end of it - so you're forced to make the same mistakes over and over again.
As the old saying goes; "there are no stupid questions, only stupid answers" - if only the world really worked like that!
FWIW, I don't find this forum particularly intuitive to use, either, and I think the software tries to be too clever for its own good. There are some kinds of formatted text that it seems impossible to copy and paste correctly, and too many features hidden away under little sub-menus. To be fair, the web admin has acknowledged that the post editor can be a bit flaky sometimes, but given that it's an autism website, quite often used by people who are new to using forums, there really should be at least a link somewhere to some clear guidance on how to use all of the features.
And remember, this forum is not the outside world, it's a bunch of people many of whom have similar problems to you. If you need to ask twice, or even ten times, then do - I only have to stop using a skill for a couple of weeks sometimes before I have to go back to basic and learn it all over again. We should never criticise each other for what we do or don't know, or what skills we do or don't have - you have shown yourself to be a very generous and compassionate member of the forum who supports people whenever you can; that's what really matters!
) ( said: If for instance if I ask a question that I am unable to find an answer too, why oh why must they say “ oh really! That’s so simple everyone can do that!”
There are lots of things people can't do. I'll never drive. People always ask me "Why aren't you driving?". Last time someone asked me I said "Why can't you swim? Worst case scenario for me is I have to take a taxi, you drown", because they couldn't swim. Seems petty but if they are being facetious, who cares? I haven't got kids and a rather drunk friend said a few years ago, "Why haven't you got kids yet, your 35 are you shooting blanks?" he has 5 kids with 3 women, and only sees two of his kids. Fine, relationships fail, but it isn't a reason to ignore your kids. Pretty much a deadbeat dad. He's my friend but to be frank he is. I replied "Dunno, but I haven't hit any stray targets yet, can you say the same?", he didn't like it but he was being an idiot, so he had to take it on the chin. Point I'm trying to make is everyone CAN'T do a lot of things. Some people can't do much at all, that's why they act like that. It's all swings and roundabouts. Someone might ge able to drive, but what happens if they go overboard. Someone might be able to bang everything that moves, but isn't responsible enough to know when to have kids, and what to do with them after. I'm not tooting my own horn, there are lots of things I can't do, but I put things into perspective by looking at things I can do, and how useful they are. Oh and believe me, having a smart mouth isn't so smart sometimes. I often wish I'd said nothing!
) ( said:And so straight away I feel inadequate, stupid, wishing I hadn’t said a word.
Don't they probably don't think you are, and even if they did, they will forgotten about it within 5 minutes. People really don't think that other people are that important. They couldn't give a ***. Sounds bad, but it's not. It's a liberating thought. The only thing that is important is how you feel, and if you are thinking about it hours after they've forgotten about it, it's really pointless. Sometimes people not giving a *** is a bad thing, but when you put it into that context, it really isn't.
I think I linked this video before but it really gives some perspective on it.
https://youtu.be/X75Roe_davA
I found it a pretty healthy watch!
) ( said:This stems back to early school days, I soon realised that asking more than once how to do something was an excuse for the teacher or child to raise their voice, then talk to me as if I were stupid, often laughing that I couldn’t understand such a very simple thing.
You don't have that environment anymore. Most of those people have completely forgotten about you, the teachers are probably nearly all dead. They are irrelevant to your life today. From what I've read that you post over the time I've been here, you seem to have acheived a lot. I don't know but some of those events may have made you more determined. Think of some of the stuff you've done, it makes those events pretty insignificant. I've read things you have seen, and done at work, it all sounds pretty cool stuff.
) ( said:If it’s work related or something specific like science or mechanics then fine I can go in and in forever,
Yeah, and it sounds like you enjoy your job. So many people don't. You seem to be working in something that is an active interest, rather than just a job. Some people can't concentrate on or do things that they love. It may seem like a curse, but imagine not being able to get science or mechanics. Things could be much worse!
) ( said:No matter what I tried I just couldn’t get it to appear on my reply. I tried searching YouTube for an answer, yes loads of how to but none specific for this format?
My dad is enthralled by the internet. Can't even switch a computer on. I have to do everything. Lol, I feel sorry for him. He's tried but it's past him. Give him a few hundred fish to fillet, it's done in no time, ask him a very complicated sum, boom, the answers there in a few seconds. I can't do what he can. Not bad at filleting fish, not bad at maths, but he's some kind of machine at both. What's so bad about not getting things straight away? Better than not at all!
) ( said:After a very long time I gave up, I cried a little as it seemed such a simple thing and yet I couldn’t find the answer.
That's the kind of thing I will do. I can't give in. It's a common thing in people like us. Something will become massive, and even if it's not something urgent, or very important, we get sucked in and it drives us crazy. I don't know what to do about that, I usually walk off for a while nowadays, and try and clear my head. Believe me, I've started things before and took over 24 hours until I did it. Not good, or productive. I could have been doing other stuff. I'm aware and working on it now though.
) ( said:Anyway was feeling rather useless, rant over, all good,
I think you are far from useless, you are driven by the fact that you won't allow yourself to feel useless. That's a big thing. Sometimes it can eat you up, it used to with me, still does sometimes, but please be easier on yourself. You're one of the good guys here. I think you're genuine.
If you watched Lost, this guy reminds me of you!