Feeling So Low

thank you trog i really appreciate that i always try to avoid going hospital so as not to waste their time when its a completely avoidable injury i have an extensive first aid kit and have got quite adept at treating my own cuts but every now and then i go to deep and there is so much blood i can't manage to deal with it myself im always very apologetic when im seen as i know it was my own choice to injure myself but when im really down and anxious i simply can't stop myself from cutting it's got to the point now that ive damaged the nerves in my arms such that i barely feel the blade hence why i go too deep without realizing and then its too late though i admit this time i went deep on purpose.

the nurse did ask me if i wanted to speak to someone but i told her i already had mental health care.. not that they really do much i wish it was more like usa ive been in psychiatric wards 3 times but couldn't find me a bed so was sent home its just sad how under funded and staffed mental health is when its such a massive problem here

I have heard from other people about how poorly A&E staff can react to self-harm. For someone who's had an accident, sure, it's probably nice for them to hear that their injuries aren't so serious, but it's completely the wrong reaction for someone who has injured themself deliberately. A friend's partner who is a nurse has commented how difficult it is for hospital staff to access mental health teams quickly for patients who need them; a quick discharge with instructions to contact your GP etc. is really not good enough.

Try not to feel guilty about going to the hospital (I know that's easier said than done); you are not to blame for the difficulties of autism or for having mental health problems, and you are not to blame for there being too little help to overcome them.

Look after yourself as best you can, and best wishes.

thanks Joe

Sounds like you're in a bad place and not getting the help you need. Hang on in there and look after yourself. 

thank you Robert ive just used washing up liquid and warm water etc but i will go into town and have a look for that

To clean up blood I use ACE gentle bleach ( it's not actually a bleach but a stain remover). It reacts with recently dried blood forming a white foam.  I recommend strongly to wear rubber washing up gloves when using it. Because it irritates skin.

me either but i have noticed certain members always seem to generate a lot of replies not wishing to sound petty or anything just an observation but then ive never really been much good at being noticed ive been more or less ignored my whole life

hi joe she didn't encourage me to cut deeper it was just the way she said oh they're only superficial cuts and that started buzzing round my head i wasn't doing it right hence 3 very deep cuts on each arm this morning and a trip to A&E to get them seen to as they wouldn't stop bleeding felt awful for wasting the hospitals time back home now tho

can't do ice as i have reynauds (poor circulation in my hands) ive tried the elastic bands but that's just a fleeting pain cutting means i get to experience a longer pain sensation

she didn't suggest any help but then already under mental health team for emotionally unstable personality disorder suicidal ideation etc but to be honest they do very little i know cutting is not helpful but i can't seem to stop myself just now got back from A&E after cutting too deep it wouldn't stop bleeding got dressing on both arms but got to clean blood up from carpet and settee

I'm new on here but I'm listening too. I don't think any doctor would intentionall make you feel like you need to cut deeper. I've heard putting your hands in a bucket of ice can be quite painful without harming you. Do you do any sports? Climbing or cycling work wondes for me. Both can be quite solitary if you don't want to be around folks. 

I suppose that same doctor suggested you go get help?

If not, get help please. Go see your GP if you have to.

Cutting yourself doesn't help you in the long run. And certainly doesn't serve a higher purpose. It's a temporary solution and only useful temporarily (for you).

Well I am certainly NOT popular.  Here or anywhere else.

thanks for taking the time to reply robert sometimes i feel like unless you're a popular person on here nobody is that interested in what you've got to say

that doesn't really work for me i have to feel the pain see the blood and have the scars as a visible reminder that i need to punish myself on a daily basis the lower i feel the more i cut i just can't break the cycle ive tried the elastic band thing but it just isn't the same

My advice is to find an alternative to cutting yourself.

Try tearing up paper.  Buy a large newspaper and tear it to bits.