Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi im an autistic 19 year old, I just started back at university after a summer of having no one to talk to and I was determined to make friends this year but so far have had no luck. I try everything i smile at everyone i see, be nice, go out with everybody etc. I just can't maintain an interesting conversation, i can do the general stuff like "how are you liking uni?", "nice weather" etc. I even go over topics with my mum beforehand but that still doesn't help. Does anyone have any ideas to help me chat/banter with other people?
Hi Donna. What are you studying? Does your subject give you opportunities to study/work/discuss with others on your course? Students tend to like a good listener. Also, do you manage to go for coffee breaks together? Again many students like to talk, so you don’t need to feel pressured into contributing. I found one to one interactions best. I’m not good with crowds myself. I studied music as a very mature student, so was included in music making activities naturally. Perhaps your subject has possibilities?
I really feel for you and know exactly where you are coming from, I am 37 and still find it difficult to make friends. One thing I will say, always be yourself and people will like you for who you are. Have you tried the local Churches, you doubt have to be religious to get a sense of community there.
Plus on face book there are usually spotted in ***** e.g spotted in leicester. If you find one send them a message to say you are looking for social groups and they will put a post on their page, usually get some good responses for them., j used mu local one to find a support group for anxiety.
Good luck xx
Start your own society.
If you drink, then try starting a homebrew society (generally quite a popular club in most universities). Even in halls it should be relatively simple to get a couple of bottles of wine brewing or a small barrel of beer.
Maybe a movie society. Everyone meets up weekly and watches a movie.
how about the Anti Loneliness Society for students who dont know anyone but want to.
The possibilities are endless. If you can think of something, you can probably do it. If you need help forming it, contact the NUS at your local union or their head office if needs be, for advice.
Have you watched other people, to see how they do it?
Try this:
No one (NT) really listens, they are just waiting for their turn to speak.
Therefore, keep finding opportunities to turn the conversation back for others to say something. If it seems like someone else isn't contributing or keeps getting overlooked, ask them, "what do you think?" or something else to draw them into the conversation.
Another idea: Read this book. I wish I'd read it whilst I was still in my teens(!)
en.m.wikipedia.org/.../How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People
Okay.
How about volunteering for a small number of hours a week, typically somewhere in your nearest urbanised area (but don't discount the possibility of something with your local wildlife trust, if that might suit better? www.wildlifetrusts.org/.../volunteer)
That is a really good idea but unfortunately it's a very small university, there are only about 450 students and only about 100 live in halls (i live in halls), so there are no clubs or societies to join.
Are you in any societies?
Try joining one or two you really like.