Biscuits

Ahem...

There once was a rhino named Paul

Who went to a fancy dress ball

He thought he would risk it

And go as a biscuit

But a dog ate him up in the hall.

Shhh.. this is a serious thread...the only celebral contribution to you post is the fine metre and rhyme expressed in the above nonsense verse. 

The following is a biscuit theme work derived from the Orkney Isles as a playground chant. I like it as it seems quite a logically outcome for the individual in having placed their nether garments in said biscuit tin that they may run the risk of accidental consumption. I do however have an underlying anxiety as to why the individual does not own a more appropriate vessel for their underwear.

Whats the time
half past nine
hang your knickers on the line
when they're dry bring them in
stick them in your biscuit tin
eat your biscuits
eat your cakes
eat your knickers by mistake

Wow, I haven't heard that rhyme since my childhood. 

The version I remember didn't have the last three lines, and I think the "stick them in your biscuit tin" line may have been different, but can't remember how. I only ever heard it in our household, so it might not have been a canonical playground version.

It was my Dad who taught it to us; it was always used as an encouragement to get out of bed in the morning (especially if you'd slept in until half past nine, obviously!) He may well have picked it up during his National Service in the Royal Navy; his encouragements were often those kind of armed forces rhymes that are easy to make rude if you change a couple of words (maybe why I remember the last line differently.) He wasn't the type to sing playground songs normally!

I think he'd have been a bit too young to have been stationed at Scapa Flow before it was closed down; which is a bit of a shame, as it would have made a lovely little link back to the Orkney Islands (somewhere I must go again, I loved it when I went in my 20s.)

@MartianTom is also a big Milligan fan. Milligan can be astutely dark. I remember study it at school Unto Us. Not everything Ning Nang Nongs...

.

That's a belter!

I'd read a bit of Nash before, but I've never seen that one. Plays on parts of language like that are right up my street too; I've never studied it formally, but I've always had a fascination for linguistics. You're guaranteed a +1 for any truly awful puns, too!

It was reading Spike Milligan that led me to Nash. So here's one of his little prose poems. Apologies in advance if the gallows humour is a bit dark for your taste, but it's one that gets me every time, no matter how many times I read it.

We've come a long way
  said the cigarette scientist

as he destroyed a live rabbit
  to show the students how it worked

He took its heart out
  plugged it into an electric pump
  that kept it beating for nearly two hours

I know rabbits who can keep their hearts beating
  for nearly seven years

And look at the electricity they save

That's a belter!

I'd read a bit of Nash before, but I've never seen that one. Plays on parts of language like that are right up my street too; I've never studied it formally, but I've always had a fascination for linguistics. You're guaranteed a +1 for any truly awful puns, too!

It was reading Spike Milligan that led me to Nash. So here's one of his little prose poems. Apologies in advance if the gallows humour is a bit dark for your taste, but it's one that gets me every time, no matter how many times I read it.

We've come a long way
  said the cigarette scientist

as he destroyed a live rabbit
  to show the students how it worked

He took its heart out
  plugged it into an electric pump
  that kept it beating for nearly two hours

I know rabbits who can keep their hearts beating
  for nearly seven years

And look at the electricity they save

@MartianTom is also a big Milligan fan. Milligan can be astutely dark. I remember study it at school Unto Us. Not everything Ning Nang Nongs...

.