Biscuits

I have decided that my shopping skills desperately need brushing up.

I am getting fed up with stumbling across this thread and then discovering that I haven't got any biscuits.

I could just do with a plain-chocolate digestive or a fig roll right now.

Just a singular biscuit! 

Just a singular biscuit! 

Chocolate hob nobs are the best. They are my favourite biscuit at the moment. Although they always have to be dunked as I tend to get a hob nobby build up in my teeth.

I recommend a course of dark chocolate hob nobs. 1 pack a day, no more, no less. No other brands allowed 

Dammit, I could never get away with that with my Mum, either!

I can do a box of fig rolls in less time than it takes me to drink a single cup of coffee very easily. My hand just rams them in all by itself like an industrial robot (honest!) Half the time, I don't even notice I'm eating them until my hand comes back up to my mouth empty.

Plain-chocolate digestives last ages, though - at least half an hour a pack!  I nibble off the biscuit part from each morsel to leave the sliver of chocolate until last, of course. I find it shocking how little attention is paid to these ancient national traditions in this day and age. Sadly, though, the closure of the local Co-op was rather a set-back to my Olympic training schedule. However, modifying my technique for Lidl own brand ones is going well, so I'm still optimistic that I'll retain my title in Tokyo. Hopefully the controversial new crumb-sweeping rules won't spoil the excitement for spectators too much; but sneaking in milk-chocolate ones ruins the sport for everybody, so I think the IOC did the right thing.
[If there is anyone with any idea why the hell I do this, or why I don't just buy plain biscuits and a bar of chocolate instead; please keep it to yourself, as my mind may be too weak to handle such potentially disturbing information about itself.]