Being treated like a child

Probably isn't definitely though! It's worth a try? What's the worst than can happen? If they take no notice, you will still be in exactly the same position you are now but you won't have LOST anything? You'll never know if you don't try!   : )   

I could but it will probably be a similar answer. 

Have you tried talking to the college tutors and telling them that there are some things you no longer feel you need lessons on? (Or write it down if you think the conversation would be a difficult one?)

When I went into hospital to have my third child, in my 30's, a young nurse about ten years younger than me arrived the next morning to give me a lesson on how to bathe a newborn. As soon as I realised that's what she was doing, I explained to her that I had two children already and had no need to be taught baby bathing.

She apologised and stopped immediately, leaving me to get on with it on my own but she did explain that it was hospital policy to give all new Mum's this lesson - she didn't know that I was already a Mum and that this was my third child. Sometimes people just need to be given more information and I'm sure that if your tutors knew there were things you didn't need help with, they would stop giving you these lessons.    

I understand how you feel, I’m 20 and still get treated like a young teen. I still get lessons on things I don’t need lessons on anymore (e.g. dealing with periods). I am at a special needs college that goes up to 25 and I don’t feel like an adult because I struggle with processing and sometimes teachers aren’t very understanding about it. 

Well said Matt, I couldn’t agree more. 

I did feel a bit of a sting though when you said most parents don’t abandon their kids when they get to 18  To be sure though, I didn’t ‘abandon’ him, he could still contact me and he was surrounded by friends and family, but I suppose it could be seen that way. Lol! Good job we didn’t see it that way

At 16 I thought I was an adult and knew it all, at 18 I realised I wasn't at 16, but thought I was, then at 20 I realised I wasn't at 18, but thought I was. Then at 25 I realised I wasn't at 20, but was most of the way there, but still didn;t know everything. Now in my early thirties I realise that a lot of it depends on how we define maturity. 

Most people under 25 don't have a wealth of experience and real world knowledge to be able to view things totally objectively. That's not to say that all lack the required knowledge, but the majority won't.

Thinks like not being able to rent a car until 25 are from a business perspective common sense. Under 25s are considerably more likely to crash or otherwise damage vehicles. People are considerably more likely to damage cars they don't own, combine the two together and the risk profile shows that it's not worth renting most cars to under 25s.

I can't think of any jobs that have a specific requirement of being over 25, but there are many that have required qualifications that take years to complete and so that would generally exclude younger people. It takes 5 years to get a medical degree, so at the earliest that means they are 23 before being let loose on patients, to me that makes sens, I don't want a doctor who's 18 and only got the job because he or she thinks they can do it.

Children's services being extended to 25 for children who have been care was actually done because of the needs of those people, what happened before was that at 18 they were effectively left to their own devices, cut off from their support network. That doesn't happen to most people, their family don't suddenly abandon them at 18 and so it was decided that it was better to extend certain provisions until age 25. That improved outcomes across the board for those children and young adults and was fundamentally a good thing.

I'm an adult, I own my own house (or half of it, the bank own the other half), I run my my own business and part run two others, there are times when I still feel like a child, out of my depth, yet I'll stand in front of the board of a FTSE 250 company, or present to the entire marketing department of a billion dollar multi-national and seem like the most confident person in the room. I've also learnt from past mistakes and experience, from seeing others make mistakes, it's given me greater knowledge to call upon than I ever could have at 16, 18, 20 or 25.

You can look at it as partially due to the Dunning-Kruger effect, with youth the person doesn't have the experience and skills to realise that they don't have the required experience and skills, not only that but the failure to realise they are lacking gives them extreme confidence. The So called "Arrogance of youth".

Why didn’t you chase the pigeons  Lol! I think me and your dad would have got along very well  I thought everyone loved chasing pigeons!

I feel like i might be more of a child when it comes to taking responsibility my actions, my thought processes, financial decisions and unable to move on with my life with regards to securing employment, ability to create friends or meaningful conversations, stuck in my room day-to-day on the computer as i'm doomed to stay on this path forever. I look like  a normal person in their mid-20's, well as average as they can get.

I'm usually left alone to my own devices, but there are times that give me much anxiety when i'm asked to do something, accept it (knowing that it's something i'd rather avoid) and stress builds up because I second-guess myself, thinking to myself "i can't do this, but i'll get compensated for the time I spend doing it" as I really have nothing else to do with my time but stay at home and look for jobs or play online.

I feel like i may be one those people whose penny drops later in life probably in their 40's, then finally gets how the world works, but by that time it's just too late, the world has moved on far beyond my expertise, skills and knowledge, whilst in the meantime I have to endure these times of uncertainty of whether or not that world will exist.

Oh dear! That does sound a bit different to the kinds of things I thought you had meant (such as financial responsibility / budgeting as a teenager). That must have been quite frustrating to cope with indeed! Still, you showed more patience in your account with the pigeons than I'm afraid I might have. 

My own parents were more of the ... lets say 'neglectful' type (this is a public forum after all and NAS aren't a fan of the four letter descriptors of my parents that I would otherwise use. I don't naturally think of them as 'my parents', more 'the people I was forced to live with as a child' until I was (just) old enough to get the hell out of there! See, no patience as I said. 

Surprised to see anyone else on here at this hour, normally I wander around looking at old posts until the wee small hours.   

You sound like a responsible mature parent.

My parents had more mental health issues than me.  They ignored facts that I had grown  up.  And just  kept on treating me like a retarded (autistic) infant.

One ridiculous incident comes to mind.  When I was in my mid thirties, I was walking with my father through a city centre pedestrianised area when a large group of pigeons decended on some discarded food. A small child ran through the group of pigeons scattering them.

My father turned to me and started shouting at me; "GO CHASE THE PIGEONS, GO GO GO GO"

I just ignored him, thinking you're mad, you think I'm three years old.

When we got home he started a row with my mother that there was something wrong with me because I don't play or chase pigeons like other children.

I think that (sometimes) parents can get a pass on that. Although I guess, as a parent, I'm a little biased there!

My eldest children are 24 and 18 and I still think of them as 'The kids'. They'll always be 'my baby girls' although they live independent lives and have homes and partners of their own. I buy them Advent Calendars and Easter chocolates, ask about them eating and sleeping enough and dressing warmly, and have often said to them "Look at you, living your wee life like a real wee person! You're sooo cute!". (They just laugh and shake their heads.) 

I think, as you say quite rightly, that the difficulty for some parents is in how they treat their 'children' - when it comes to the big things such as encouraging independence. 

My youngest daughter is 13 and does her own laundry and packing for school boarding every week, sorts her own breakfast and lunches at weekends (I only do the family evening meals.) and is responsible for her own budgeting through the week as well as many other responsibilities that we both feel she's perfectly old enough and mature enough to cope with. All of that whilst still calling her my baby, ruffling her hair, and telling her she's a cutie-pie.

I don't consider my youngest daughter to be an adult quite yet but not a child either. A young (pre?) adult maybe? As a teenager I think she's quite independent in most day-to-day things but I also think she still needs guidance at this age, nudging / steering in the right directions occasionally rather than leading / taking / pushing her there I guess. 

From seeing other parents of older 'children' I think sometimes (some) parents keep their children dependent upon them on purpose, seemingly to give themselves a purpose (?). I'm not entirely sure why.     

I love your stories but this was also/is also true in my case as well! Lol! 

I find it amusing people talking about being treated as children at the various ages, 16, 18, 20, 25 

I was treated as a child by both my parents all my life until they both passed away.

They never accepted me as an independent adult.  The real irony was that they were more childlike than me.

Hi Sholay09, I've just Googled what you said about under 25's not being allowed to drive at night.

This is a proposal being considered at the moment by the government, so there's no guarantee that it will actually become law. Even if it did though, it's not being considered as a total ban for everyone under 25. The idea is that anyone under 25 who passes their driving tests has to wait 2 years before being allowed to drive at night (it might apply only to those carrying passengers, rather than those driving alone). 

So, for instance, someone who passes their tests at 17 could drive at night at age 19. 

I don't think there is a "proper age we become adults", the laws in every country are different and even vary enormously within a country - so there is no one, single age we become adults in law. 

In Scotland, for instance, a person can vote in local elections at age 16 but has to wait until 18 to vote in UK elections. A person can rent a house at age 16 but isn't eligible to pay Council Tax until 18. The age of criminal responsibility in Scotland is 8 years old but only over 18's can serve on a jury. It's a very mixed picture and these laws often don't make much sense when the full picture is considered. 

'Being' an adult, 'Feeling' like an adult, and 'Considered an adult in Law' are all very different things.  

Well nobody told me that I could have cervical screening under 25 in the UK as I thought it was still 25 and also we should not be considered vulnerable up until 25 anyway as we are not children and also I would like for just only a few children's services to be from up to 25 rather than it be all or most of them as it is wrong now as we should still be considered children or vulnerable up to age 18 as this is the proper age we become adults and I would like for a lot of people to start complaining to the government about the new law coming like banning people under 25 from driving at night now and also more other things that need to be improved too.

That’s certainly true, I agree with your last sentence. 

When I was 16 (and already attending university) I thought that it was unfair that I'd have to wait till 18 to be an "adult". It used to be that the only limitation they put on under 25s was renting a car. I think that limiting people's rights because of age borders on age discrimination. You feel frustrated now, and I know this won't help much, but just wait until you're older and wishing you were 18 again. There are lots of people who never really learn to behave in a mature manner, even when they're in their 30s or 40s or older.

Hi Sholay. These are great questions and I’m so glad you’ve asked them openly on the forum. It can be helpful to get other people’s perspectives, which demonstrates a certain level of maturity in you right there. But remember, how somebody else sees things is how they see them. If it’s different to how you think, it doesn’t make you wrong and them right or visa versa, but the views of others can help us to develop confidence in our own thinking and in our own unique perspective on life.

First of all I will say that in this society, not all adults are understood and listened to. That’s a false assumption (for want of a better word).

Society makes rules which they think some people need, in order to maintain a certain level of harmony and cooperation in the world. But you don’t have to follow them. If you break the laws of the land, the man made laws, you will of course pay the consequences. But that’s the same with everything in life. We can’t change that. We live in a world of cause and effect. If you don’t follow the rules of electricity you might get a shock, because the rules of electricity are very specific. If you break the rules you could be hurt.

By extending the age of children’s or young adult services, to the age of 25, it has proved helpful for a lot of young people who perhaps don’t get the support they need from family and friends.

I went through adolescence in my late 20’s and it lasted many years for me. I still wouldn’t class myself as a mature adult, compared to many others my age and I will never lose my child like mind. And for me, my child like mind is the only thing that really gets me anywhere in life.

People rarely understand me or listen to me but that hasn’t been a barrier to me moving forwards in my life or a barrier to me developing and growing loving and supportive relationships. And people will make the effort to listen to me and understand me when they need to, if they ever need to, if it will be of some benefit to them. And visa versa.

There are many people I don’t understand or listen to in this world, but funnily enough, these are usually adults. I always make an effort to understand and listen to children. But some adults don’t want to be understood or heard, they just want you to agree with them. Which doesn’t really help anybody, in the long run, but it can help in the short run, sometimes. But I always listen to children and I often find they know way more than me and they teach me many things, they are most often my greatest teachers. My son certainly was and still is, although he’s a little older now, but he’s still one of my greatest teachers and sources of inspiration. I also have my grandchildren now and continue to learn from them. In fact a great and eminent psychologist once said, if you want to know anything, ask a 5 year old or hang out with kids under that age. I have always preferred to be with kids rather than adults, and still do, most of the time although I like to be alone best of all.

I continue to grow and learn and mature in all sorts of ways, every single day, and I have probably only recently, completed adolescence, and I’m 51 years of age. If we allow ourselves to move through these stages of life at our own pace, without thinking about how many years we have been on this earth, we will move through them and gain what we need to from them and move on.

Adolescence is probably one of the most confusing times in a person’s life. When we’re trying to establish who we are. We are looking for feedback and confirmation that we’re right, from the people in our lives and when we don’t get it, it can leave us feeling very confused. I have spent many years in this stage but that’s ok, we can’t skip it, as much as we would like to. But do it in your own time and you’re own way. Most people in life won’t agree with you and that’s good, it’s good to have diversity. The trick isn’t to get people to agree with you but to develop and grow confidence in your own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values, likes and dislikes etc so you don’t have to rely on other people’s opinions of you.

You’ll get there. You’re smart. You’re asking all the right questions and you’re open to other people’s views etc. Just don’t take other people’s views too seriously, when compared to your own. And yes, of course that includes mine (sorry I’m still a bit sensitive after I was verbally attacked on here for expressing my thoughts). I’m not asking you to listen to what I’m saying, that’s up to you and I’m not saying my view is the only view, of course I’m not, the more different the views are the happier I am, I love that we’re all so different, I find great joy in that.

You could narrow it down and work on one point at a time. For example, what is the most important thing to you right now that you would like the people around you to understand? Take just one point and work with one point at a time.

I have made immense progress in my life since I got a support worker who is helping me to take baby steps, and as much as I had a lot of resistance to this initially, when I decided to give it a try, it worked. It’s still not a ‘natural’ way for me to do things but I can’t deny the progress I’ve made in my life sense taking baby steps. Yesterday I was on a course to get help to start my own business. I have the skills to do the work but not to set the business up. I need very specific simple step by step support. My friend even bought me a little kids book on nouns and grammar the other day as she knows I want to learn them. She used to be a primary school teacher and has taught autistic kids so she knows what helped them so I’m really grateful for the book. I feel sure it’s going to help me with learning these things which will then impact my life in a positive way. My support worker has also set me the task of writing down all the things I think I need help with, with setting up my business, even if I can only think of one or two things, because this is a start.

This method was taught to me several years ago by one of my tutors at college, which was perfect training for university. He said if I went to him for help with a blank page, he would give me a blank response. But if I took something written down, anything, it’s a start and we can go from there. I forget this during my burnout but my suppprt worker is helping me with this again and already (in just 2 days) I have got tons of free help and even access to money, to help me establish firmly what my business is, who I will work with, how I set it up, how I run it, how I maintain it, how I advertise, how I look after myself etc etc. I need help with the whole lot. I really am like a baby in many ways, but once they show me and teach me in a way I can understand, I will pick it up and go with it.

So a first step might be to start writing a list of the things you want people to understand about you and who it is you want to understand you and why.

I hope I haven’t added to the confusion. If I have, forget everything I said. You know yourself better than I do and what you need etc, this is simply my response to your questions. Sorry if I keep reaffirming this. I still feel a little nervous commenting on here.

I think people mature in different ways and at different times. Some people may be physically mature but not emotionally mature, others may be socially mature but not intellectually mature. Everyone is different depending upon their experiences. It's recognised that the brain doesn't stop maturing until a person is about 25 but again this can vary between people. 

I don't know much about Children's Services (I'm assuming you mean as a department of Social Services?) but I would think that it covers up to age 25 because younger adults are still considered vulnerable up to that age and the Children's Services are perhaps more equipped to support young adults than the wider service may be.

Perhaps Children's Services can offer young adults better access to resources and funding? I wouldn't expect the intention is to treat young adults as children, although I can see how it may feel like that in certain situations. I think 'checking-up' on young adults could be part of the assessment to determine how independent the person is (or is ready to be) given the new responsibilities they may be coping with at that age. 

I haven't heard about restrictions on under 25's driving at night. 

Women can have cervical screening under age 25!! Did someone tell you you couldn't?