I feel so sad

Hi Twingo,

It may be best to start a new discussion about the situation you are facing with your twins, perhaps in the Parent and Carers section.

Main reason for this is to make sure everyone has a chance to have their own discussion focused on, rather than having discussions covering lots of different issues.

Hope that makes sense

Hi, I have twin girls, both ASD and at a mainstream school, year 7. One has a statement and is getting on ok, albeit with a tremendous amount of support. The other has been refused a statement so doesn't get much support during lessons. Since starting secondary school in September her behaviour has deteriated rapidly and she has had many emotional outbursts, including pushing tables and chairs around the room and trying to flee. This has led to her being restrained which has led to her lashing out and therefore, being excluded. Although she was diagnosed with dyslexia, dyspraxia and audiotory processing disorder 4 years ago, her ASD diagnosis is quite recent and she seems to be fighting against it (her twin sister was diagnosed several years ago but the professionals were never sure if she was just copying her and so refused diagnosis!!). She knows we are fighting the local authority to try to get a statement but says she doesn't need support at school. I would be interested to hear from anyone else who has experienced similar difficulties. We have seen a clinical psychologist who said he didn't feel she needed help but we really feel she needs to see some sort of provessional to help her come to terms with her diagnosis.

Hi Sonia

I just wanted to say I totally relate to your situation and how you feel.  We have very similar circumstances when my son is in large groups and struggling.  He mimics the terms he hears others say but they don't always land in the "appropriate" situation when he uses them.  It is just perceived as bad behaviour by many but there are a few that will understand.

Many parents and kids know about Autism and my son but sadly many people and children are selfish and will still find our children annoying and play with someone that is not annoying.  I think this can improve with a "celebrating difference" programme at school and perhaps with maturity.  Yes, sometimes you can find 1 or 2 that will understand but where we are currently we don't have any children that understand either and it is painful to watch the torment they go through.  We try to go to things that are not too overwhelming on his senses such as tennis, badminton, cycling, golf and he finds it easier for it to go better with only 1 or 2 children to interact with.

Does your son have any social or emotional development at school?  There is a CD and book that may be worth looking into called "Theory of Mind" also a course called "social eyes" that NAS have info on.

Hang in there, there are tough times but also some really great times when you least suspect it.  You are doing are great job just reassuring him and loving him, he needs you.  Well done.

Thanks guys for all your advice. I will do my best acting on them. And the one thing I am desperately trying to do is not to make him feel like a horrible boy, so thanks

Hey, 

I know this doesn't help address Ben's behaviour but I don't suppose you've considered sharing the Newsround documentary 'Autism and Me' with the gaming group, perhaps also the staff.

As well as being a staggeringly good documentary it also has a significant section about Warhammer 40k which could always help?

Goes without saying this isn't a legit copy but so far it hasn't been removed from youtube by the BBC -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeGaffIJvHM 

I wonder if approaching the staff more as teachers than shop staff could possibily help them work with you around Ben's experience there. Not to say they should be expected to be support workers but at least some of the advice for professionals could help. I very much doubt it's the first or last time they would be faced with similar issues. 

You might want have a look through the education section as a start?
http://www.autism.org.uk/working-with/education.aspx 

Hope tha might help a bit? 

A neurotypical 8 year old absolutely is old enough to understand (though that doesn't stop them also being nasty and beligerent), explain it to them in terms they'll understand and they will get it.

As for lerning to manage his behaviour, yes, in time, he probably will, however you've got to understand just how hard that will be for him.

As I see it you have two options - 1. To add to his feelings of being a 'horrible boy' by trying to force him to change faster than he is able, or 2. To try to eleviate his suffering by explaining to others that he can't help his behaviour, and in doing so maybe even finding him one or two more understanding friends.

Also, the reason I asked about whether he had a friend that could go with him is that once he has someone there who's on his side, they are likely to step in in such situations and a child will pay more attention to another child than to an adult.

I would ask the parents of the friend he has at school whether they would mind if their child would accompany yours to GW for the reasons I've outlined above - it is also likely to strengthen their friendship too.

Don't get me wrong i'm absolutely NOT ashamed of it. The person he was playing and the GW staff know. But he was playing an 8 year old. Doesn't matter if you say they can't help it they aren't old enough to understand what that means. and the staff just find him disruptive to everyone else. Ben has 1 friend at school and thats it so there is no one to go with him. I also don't want Ben just to say I can't help being rude to you cos I have autism I want him to try and learn to manage his behaviour.

Do any of the other children know he has autism?

Do any of the other childrens parents go with them, and do they know?

I assume you go to one of the GW shops, or a local club, where there is some other adult in charge, do they know?

Or does he have a friend that does know that could go along with him?

Maybe you should just say "he can't help it, he has autism"!

Why hide it?

It's the truth, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.