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I feel so sad

sonia

Ben and I have just come back from warhammer (a strategy game) He absolutely loves it but the other kids just don't get him and he is annoying (I hate sayng that but I can see from their 7 year old eyes that he is) I just want to say to everyone, he can't help it he has autism. He spent the game calling the other child a loser and winding him up and finally when the other child started crying in frustration. I said to him Ben you've made him cry and he says good thats what he deserves. I know he says that because he does feel bad but his defense mechanism is always to say it was their fault or they deserved it. But I see him at home when I know he thinks he is a horrible boy that no likes. It just makes me feel sad for him, he wants friends so badly but pushes them away.

Parents

  • A neurotypical 8 year old absolutely is old enough to understand (though that doesn't stop them also being nasty and beligerent), explain it to them in terms they'll understand and they will get it.

    As for lerning to manage his behaviour, yes, in time, he probably will, however you've got to understand just how hard that will be for him.

    As I see it you have two options - 1. To add to his feelings of being a 'horrible boy' by trying to force him to change faster than he is able, or 2. To try to eleviate his suffering by explaining to others that he can't help his behaviour, and in doing so maybe even finding him one or two more understanding friends.

    Also, the reason I asked about whether he had a friend that could go with him is that once he has someone there who's on his side, they are likely to step in in such situations and a child will pay more attention to another child than to an adult.

    I would ask the parents of the friend he has at school whether they would mind if their child would accompany yours to GW for the reasons I've outlined above - it is also likely to strengthen their friendship too.

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  • A neurotypical 8 year old absolutely is old enough to understand (though that doesn't stop them also being nasty and beligerent), explain it to them in terms they'll understand and they will get it.

    As for lerning to manage his behaviour, yes, in time, he probably will, however you've got to understand just how hard that will be for him.

    As I see it you have two options - 1. To add to his feelings of being a 'horrible boy' by trying to force him to change faster than he is able, or 2. To try to eleviate his suffering by explaining to others that he can't help his behaviour, and in doing so maybe even finding him one or two more understanding friends.

    Also, the reason I asked about whether he had a friend that could go with him is that once he has someone there who's on his side, they are likely to step in in such situations and a child will pay more attention to another child than to an adult.

    I would ask the parents of the friend he has at school whether they would mind if their child would accompany yours to GW for the reasons I've outlined above - it is also likely to strengthen their friendship too.

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