Is it my fault?

Hi, I can relate to how you are feeling, I seem to work very hard and not earn very much, I have learnt that concentrating so hard on the fine details of something uses a lot of energy. I keep working 7 days per week, I thought if I do this, then I could achieve the work rate of what I would call normal people. The result is going to bed at 8pm exhausted every night.

I'm a bit older than you, I’ve watched some of my peers from school go on to have nice cars and holiday homes, I was supposed to be the bright one and have just struggled.

I find a lot of crossover between autism and ADHD, I can concentrate but really struggle to hold that focus, there’s always masses of thoughts all going on at once. I seem to start different projects and finish none. The key thing I really need to do is to not people please anymore and realise that we use energy up at a very high rate. I don’t actually enjoy anything anymore and that’s another stick I seem to get beaten with.

I feel I’ve been in burnout since the time I first realised I’m autistic, my mindset seems to have changed, it’s as if I have freed the genie from the bottle and now it won’t return. I thought a diagnosis would answer all my questions, it seems to have created more. I would most probably cope better if I could be freely autistic and not use so much energy hiding it every day.

Thanks for sharing this, do you ever get the chance to be freely autistic with anyone in your life, and what does that look like for you?

I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying. I’ve found focussing on the finer details harder to adjust. I always did too much on certain assignments in school and uni then get disappointed when they wouldn’t get the top marks. simply put, I was not hitting what was being looked for.

Ive tried doing a dump list this week. Any idea I get goes in the dump list. Anything at all. I’m trying to see if it helps me to have my idea still a thing I can explore, but dumping it somewhere I’m hoping helps work against feeling I need to take on a new idea right there and then.

Ive been diagnosed all my life but yet I’d say past couple years I’ve really burnt out, and I’ve lost my sense of self. I’m sorry you’ve lost interest in things. Who beats you with that stick. I’m probably fortunate and unfortunate that it’s only me that beats myself with that stick.

Thanks for sharing this, do you ever get the chance to be freely autistic with anyone in your life, and what does that look like for you?

I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying. I’ve found focussing on the finer details harder to adjust. I always did too much on certain assignments in school and uni then get disappointed when they wouldn’t get the top marks. simply put, I was not hitting what was being looked for.

Ive tried doing a dump list this week. Any idea I get goes in the dump list. Anything at all. I’m trying to see if it helps me to have my idea still a thing I can explore, but dumping it somewhere I’m hoping helps work against feeling I need to take on a new idea right there and then.

Ive been diagnosed all my life but yet I’d say past couple years I’ve really burnt out, and I’ve lost my sense of self. I’m sorry you’ve lost interest in things. Who beats you with that stick. I’m probably fortunate and unfortunate that it’s only me that beats myself with that stick.