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Is it my fault?

aurelis

I’m 27 and had the past few years doing different creative jobs here and there. I’ve had a lot of interests but really struggled with sticking to one thing. I feel really confused as I keep trying  to do many different things, but can’t keep up with my expectations of it all, and I’m not earning much. I feel shame as many people have told me that I’m doing too much, and I continue to try and do too much. I feel really unsatisfied and I feel as an adult my age, I should know what I’m doing , stick to one thing I can really focus on and progress in that.

But I keep getting tangled up in my head. I’m trying to prove that I have an adult mindset at the same time and please what I think people want of me, and I can’t find what I really want to focus on. 

I think there is a lot of self judgment and being stubborn in my own head, and I think that’s affected me a lot. I don’t want to be in this same position in a year, that’s for sure.

Sorry if it seems I’m being too hard on myself. I struggle to give myself grace when I do feel I need to sort myself out soon.

  • It sounds like you're pursuing various things that you can do and which interest you, and that's a lovely thing to do. It also sounds like you want to make more money, which usually means sticking to one thing that will give you a career, as it's becoming better in one thing that often increases income, which is basically what a career is. If you want mor emoney, pick the thing that brings in most money and stick to it, and do the other stuff you like as a hobby. Or you can find an entirely different career outside the creative industry, and do creative things in your own time.

    Lot's of people just do what they can to get by, so you're not alone in that, or less of an adult. Is the stuff about not being adult coming from others? Many people don't view creative jobs as real, in some sense. Perhaps it's because there's so little money to be made at the lower levels of any of the creative arts.

    Maybe you're being hard on yourself because you're torn between doing what you want to do and earning more money. It is tough. I liked to write, but it doesn't earn enough, so I had a day job like most writers. I couldn't afford to go into journalism (too many people looking for too few jobs and too many jobs going to the children or children of friends within the industry).