Heart Sink Words and Subjects

TheCatWoman said:

WEDDINGS Is another, really get my social phobia going, its like entering a different culture where everyone knows the rules, except me and everybody expects that I should know them.

It is really easy to learn the rules if you do a little searching - sites like this lay it out in ways that are easy to understand:

https://www.fmweddingplanner.com/post/wedding-guest-etiquette

With things being this easy to access, people can learn them in minutes so would expect you to be able to do the same. 

Is there a reason you would be unable to find and understand these? I am genuinely curious.

TheCatWoman said:

One of those words is ACHIEVEMENT, never having had a sense of it and not understanding what it feels like

This is really just about working out what you want to do - typically to complete a task (eg planting veggies in the spring) or learning something (eg learning wedding etiquette) to a level you want. Once these things are done then you have achieved this objective / goal / task - whatever name you choose to give it.

Being able to reflect on the completion of this task and feel a degree of pride over it is typically what people feel when they achieve something. It is recognising your efforts made it happen and to give yourself a pat on the back mentally and it builds self confidence and self worth with repeated use.

These goals / ambitions do not need to be something you share with others - that can be as simple as eating healthily and avoiding the extra calories of treats if you want to lose weight, finishing a book that you are struggling to read, going to bed at the time you choose to set yourself or keeping your temper when dealing with someone who wind you up.

That is how I see it.

TheCatWoman said:

WEDDINGS Is another, really get my social phobia going, its like entering a different culture where everyone knows the rules, except me and everybody expects that I should know them.

It is really easy to learn the rules if you do a little searching - sites like this lay it out in ways that are easy to understand:

https://www.fmweddingplanner.com/post/wedding-guest-etiquette

With things being this easy to access, people can learn them in minutes so would expect you to be able to do the same. 

Is there a reason you would be unable to find and understand these? I am genuinely curious.

TheCatWoman said:

One of those words is ACHIEVEMENT, never having had a sense of it and not understanding what it feels like

This is really just about working out what you want to do - typically to complete a task (eg planting veggies in the spring) or learning something (eg learning wedding etiquette) to a level you want. Once these things are done then you have achieved this objective / goal / task - whatever name you choose to give it.

Being able to reflect on the completion of this task and feel a degree of pride over it is typically what people feel when they achieve something. It is recognising your efforts made it happen and to give yourself a pat on the back mentally and it builds self confidence and self worth with repeated use.

These goals / ambitions do not need to be something you share with others - that can be as simple as eating healthily and avoiding the extra calories of treats if you want to lose weight, finishing a book that you are struggling to read, going to bed at the time you choose to set yourself or keeping your temper when dealing with someone who wind you up.

That is how I see it.

I think you are very much over simplifying the weddings part Iain. Reading about something, even knowing the rules of something and being able to understand and put it into practice in real life are very different things. Subtleties in language, body language and facial expressions etc can be very hard for autistic to pick up on. So having read the rules wouldn't help you to be aware of this in the moment. Reading rules also doesn't allow for every single possible scenario. You may think you've prepared yourself but then something different happened and you feel completely overwhelmed. It may be easy for you to learn from reading the rules but that doesn't make it easy for everyone.

Multiple way conversation would be an example for me. I know what the rules and the concept are. Take turns etc. But I can't for the life of me work out when it is my turn or how I can insert myself into the conversation. It is a minefield to me.

How hilarious Iain, what a master of the obvious you are!

If I knew what I wanted to do then I wouldn't have a problem would I?

I know I can read about wedding ettiquet, but I still wouldn't understand it on any meaningful level.

Reading things in a book dosent' mean you understand it, it's like AI, knowlege without wisdom.