Inability to switch between interests and profound guilt

I know the feeling. 

Right now, there's tones of new shows that have been released and I'm struggling to keep up with them because I'm too busy watching all my favourite old stuff!!

No problem Talli. Indeed, I wish my brain could just let go of these things immediately (because I am impatient), but I am coming round to the realisation that I have to let things go very slowly.  

Sounds like you have a good system in place though especially vocalising with someone else about your plans. I do this with my husband and it really helps 

I totally relate to this! The feeling of failure ! It’s horrible isn’t it? Thank you for your reply 

I can relate to this Talli. My brain seems to want both the regularity of one intense project and novelty of endless other potential projects. I am currently trying to transition from one project to another, and it takes a lot thinking and emotional energy to conclude how precisely I will do this whilst mitigating distress. I get a form of thinking paralysis, where my brain shuts down. What will likely happen is that I will transition to the new project in part, whilst that other part remains with the old project. I tend to feel that I have failed in some way during this process.

It's paints that get me especially model paints which costs more like I feel like they will dry up when I take a break and so e have done before but nornalt the awful game workshop pots 

I also have long periods of time where a games console will go unused by my new rule ie give it a year if I think about using it after that give it 6 months and get rid unless something got in the way perhaps give it another 6 months but I find voclaising this to someone helps as they can help me decide what to keep and why 

You have really made me think!
So, I think I change hobbies when I am too competent (there isn’t sufficient challenge) or incompetent (there is too much of a challenge).  My mind is always processing something, music, an audio play, etc. as well as crafting.  

Ugh that sounds awful! But if you keep those interests for a long time please try not to feel guilty (not that people telling me that helps me) 

Most of my special interests are life long although music and photography I get really into before getting this weird anxiety liie. I've invested tok much money and time and give up on them same with building and paining modelw. 

Intact if there's a buying aspect of them so like when it crosses from interest to hobby I find that buyers guilt. Hits no matter how invested in am in the subject 

That tension between craving predictability and seeking novelty is familiar to me. Since my diagnosis, I have worked to accept and love these tidal impulses, which has helped me.

Hi and thank you so much for your reply! All this info is amazing! As I’m not actually diagnosed yet (still waiting on waiting list for full assessment) I’m not sure what it’s down to but hearing all these experiences including yours of people who feel similarly is extremely helpful. Especially with the going between different hobbies. 

maybe the guilt I feel is due to something else rather than the possible ASD. I just feel so awful like I’m letting the thing down which is so silly! And I know it’s still but it dosnt change how I feel. It’s really crippling.

im not a very confident person so perhaps its down to some people (or thing ha ha) pleasing traits I have. 
Thank you again! 

The most important part of my world is actually that within my head.

I totally relate to that! Yes my fixations are everything to me while I’m having them and I allways have one it’s just that when one fluctuates it feels like I’m loosing part of myself if that makes any sense even though I’m going into another one. I find it really distressing.

i feel like I’m letting the other fixation down or something which is ridiculous because they’re inanimate

I crave predictability but there seems to be another part of my brain that switches to another hobby or interest when I’d much rather stick to one. I’m probably not making much sense lol

I just don’t understand it. 

Hi, 

I've recently diagnosed with Audhd at 54 and this sounds the same as I've always been.

I don't get the guilt you describe but a lot of my interests are relatively short-lived.

I've read various things that have suggested it's down to the ADHD craving novelty and the ASD looking for routine, but looking at some of the answers and links in this thread that may not be totally correct.

I'm lucky that a lot of my interests relate to my job, so I get paid to spend hours researching new tech and software, the only bit I struggle with, sometimes, is the implementation of it as I've often moved on by that time.

As you say it's a rollercoaster at times

Hello and welcome,

I am diagnosed ASD.

I can totally relate to your fixation. Some autistic people become fixated upon subjects such as astronomy, maths, Sci-fi, etc. Me, I have always been fixated upon using my hands to make things ever since I could pick things up. I too, cycle through, what I will call hobbies, many I return to some I do not. I can, within days, drop one hobby to take up a new or and old one. I certainly get very restless mentally, and possibly emotionally itchy between hobbies but know it will pass.  I do not feel as strongly as you when changing hobbies but certainly can understand how you could feel like that. However, I know my partner, diagnosed ADHD, can become extremely emotional when they have to break away from something they are very absorbed by just to eat a meal. 

The hobbies for me are not just passing time, far from it. The most important part of my world is actually that within my head.  Hobbies have always provided time and space to do two things at once; time to listen to music and time to visit my internal world and process thoughts and feelings. It is always a voyage of discovery. I seem to need a lot of this downtime.  For me I value the sameness, predictability and the isolation of these so called hobbies. 

Hi! Thank you so much! I actually teared up knowing that (for whatever reason) I am not the only one who does this. It leaves me feeling like a horrible person and a failure but I really can’t help it. 
That is exactly the feeling, I feel bored or stuck and compelled to pick up a different one. Sometimes I try and stay on the one but I end up feeling so miserable. 
it’s honestly like a rollercoaster of emotions that I do not want

Thank you so much! Perhaps I will go back to my GP then as I’m really struggling with it all the older I am getting (I’m 43 in a months time) 

Also I did not know that autistic special interested could be short term, I thought they had to be the same for years and years so that has been an eye opener for me! Thank you! 

Hi and welcome to the community.

I'm so sorry to hear that you can experience that kind of behaviour when your interests change - I suggest seeking support for it, and how you feel in those situations, from your GP.

It can be normal for autistic people - with or without also having ADHD - to have special interests ranging from short term, to long term, to lifelong. There's more information about them here, which you might find helpful:

NAS - Focused and dedicated interests

Talli said:

I am currently on the waiting list (for two years so far) for a full diagnostic assessment having done the paperwork and attended the triage app. I am also on the waiting list for a ADHD assessment.

If you live in England, then you might like to consider asking your GP about re-referring you using the Right to Choose pathway (RTC), which you're entitled to use instead if you wish (subject to certain exceptions).

In England (only, not in any other part of the UK), this enables access to certain, approved, independent assessment providers who typically have much shorter waiting lists than the NHS, but with the referral and assessment still fully funded by - and recognised by - the NHS. 

I was on an NHS waiting list for two years before I learned about RTC and switched to it (on the recommendation of my NHS psychiatrist). My assessment and diagnosis (I chose to use Psychiatry UK) then followed just a few months later. 

Although the page recently stopped being updated, some examples of RTC providers are still listed here (by NHS Sussex), along with some further explanation.

More information:

NAS - How to request an autism assessment

ADHDADULT UK - Diagnosis

Hi Talli - welcome to our community and I hope you soon feel settled. Posting for the first time takes courage and it's good to have you on here. I am AuDHD and your description resonated for me. I cycle through deep special interests, pick up new ones and drop ones where I feel bored or stuck, and do feel bad about that. We are all different and individual, so I don't know if what you set out is a 'thing', but you are certainly not alone.