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Inability to switch between interests and profound guilt

Talli

Hello everyone this is my first post so I am sorry if I do anything wrong.

I am not yet diagnosed. I am currently on the waiting list (for two years so far) for a full diagnostic assessment having done the paperwork and attended the triage app. I am also on the waiting list for a ADHD assessment.

Both these diagnosis were suggested to me by three different NHS counsellors who strongly believed me to be AuDHD. But of course we will see what the assements say.

I am wondering if this behaviour sounds anything like AuDHD to any of you:

I have extremely intense special interests which usually last a long time (months to years) where I become fixated on one subject and it’s everything to me. But then it’ll start to wane and I’ll go back to a previous special interest. The guilt I feel is extreme like I am abandoning a family member and its ruins my life when this transition is happening. 
Sometimes the special interest will only last a month or a week and then the same profound deep guilt will kick in to the point all be almost paralysed and can’t do anything or it will lead to severely distressing behaviour which I will not go into on here.

I cannot seem to control how I feel about changing and the guilt it brings on.

Can anyone relate? 

  • in reply to Bunny

    Thank you so much! Perhaps I will go back to my GP then as I’m really struggling with it all the older I am getting (I’m 43 in a months time) 

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    I'm so sorry to hear that you can experience that kind of behaviour when your interests change - I suggest seeking support for it, and how you feel in those situations, from your GP.

    It can be normal for autistic people - with or without also having ADHD - to have special interests ranging from short term, to long term, to lifelong. There's more information about them here, which you might find helpful:

    NAS - Focused and dedicated interests

    Talli said:
    I am currently on the waiting list (for two years so far) for a full diagnostic assessment having done the paperwork and attended the triage app. I am also on the waiting list for a ADHD assessment.

    If you live in England, then you might like to consider asking your GP about re-referring you using the Right to Choose pathway (RTC), which you're entitled to use instead if you wish (subject to certain exceptions).

    In England (only, not in any other part of the UK), this enables access to certain, approved, independent assessment providers who typically have much shorter waiting lists than the NHS, but with the referral and assessment still fully funded by - and recognised by - the NHS. 

    I was on an NHS waiting list for two years before I learned about RTC and switched to it (on the recommendation of my NHS psychiatrist). My assessment and diagnosis (I chose to use Psychiatry UK) then followed just a few months later. 

    Although the page recently stopped being updated, some examples of RTC providers are still listed here (by NHS Sussex), along with some further explanation.

    More information:

    NAS - How to request an autism assessment

    ADHDADULT UK - Diagnosis

  • Hi  - welcome to our community and I hope you soon feel settled. Posting for the first time takes courage and it's good to have you on here. I am AuDHD and your description resonated for me. I cycle through deep special interests, pick up new ones and drop ones where I feel bored or stuck, and do feel bad about that. We are all different and individual, so I don't know if what you set out is a 'thing', but you are certainly not alone.