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Inability to switch between interests and profound guilt

Talli

Hello everyone this is my first post so I am sorry if I do anything wrong.

I am not yet diagnosed. I am currently on the waiting list (for two years so far) for a full diagnostic assessment having done the paperwork and attended the triage app. I am also on the waiting list for a ADHD assessment.

Both these diagnosis were suggested to me by three different NHS counsellors who strongly believed me to be AuDHD. But of course we will see what the assements say.

I am wondering if this behaviour sounds anything like AuDHD to any of you:

I have extremely intense special interests which usually last a long time (months to years) where I become fixated on one subject and it’s everything to me. But then it’ll start to wane and I’ll go back to a previous special interest. The guilt I feel is extreme like I am abandoning a family member and its ruins my life when this transition is happening. 
Sometimes the special interest will only last a month or a week and then the same profound deep guilt will kick in to the point all be almost paralysed and can’t do anything or it will lead to severely distressing behaviour which I will not go into on here.

I cannot seem to control how I feel about changing and the guilt it brings on.

Can anyone relate? 

Parents

  • Hi  - welcome to our community and I hope you soon feel settled. Posting for the first time takes courage and it's good to have you on here. I am AuDHD and your description resonated for me. I cycle through deep special interests, pick up new ones and drop ones where I feel bored or stuck, and do feel bad about that. We are all different and individual, so I don't know if what you set out is a 'thing', but you are certainly not alone.

Reply

  • Hi  - welcome to our community and I hope you soon feel settled. Posting for the first time takes courage and it's good to have you on here. I am AuDHD and your description resonated for me. I cycle through deep special interests, pick up new ones and drop ones where I feel bored or stuck, and do feel bad about that. We are all different and individual, so I don't know if what you set out is a 'thing', but you are certainly not alone.

Children
  • in reply to leveller61

    Hi! Thank you so much! I actually teared up knowing that (for whatever reason) I am not the only one who does this. It leaves me feeling like a horrible person and a failure but I really can’t help it. 
    That is exactly the feeling, I feel bored or stuck and compelled to pick up a different one. Sometimes I try and stay on the one but I end up feeling so miserable. 
    it’s honestly like a rollercoaster of emotions that I do not want Sweat smileSweat smile