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How to cope with incoming loss of pets?

chansfoive5

Hi,

This is a tough one, I'm sorry. I apologise if this is a mess, I'm a bit of a mess at the moment. Sweat smile

So I am 25. I have two dogs, Willow, who's just turned 15, and Daisy, who's 11 1/2. Willow we got when she was 8 weeks, I was 10 years old. Daisy we adopted from rescue centre 7 1/2 years ago. Heart️

I wasn't diagnosed with my ADHD and autism till almost 2 1/2 years ago. So I've spent most of my life undiagnosed.

Willow has always been a massive cuddlebug. Noisy barker, but a cuddlebug Rofl I swear she just always seems to know when we're struggling, she comes over and cuddles with us, gives lots of kisses. She's got me through some difficult times. She's been my rock, my best friend, she's everything to me. 

She got to about 13 before she started having any sorts of issues. Even then, it was just minor natural aging. Apparently average dog has 2-5 breeds in them. She has 9. Which probably has helped in the long run. She's mostly husky though. 

Yesterday and today she's barely eaten, which is very unlike her, she's a greedy doggo, she'll eat everything, she never leaves anything Sweat smile if she doesn't change by tomorrow we'll have to ring our vets. 

She's also not licking as much, usually she's always licking our hands, feet, random things. She's been sleeping on the floor more. 

Even if this just turns out to be a bug or something she's caught, it's starting to hit me that she might not have long left. It could be weeks, months, I don't know.

And I'm terrified. 

Obviously I don't want her to suffer, and I would put her before myself, I can't have her suffer. But I'm also terrified of losing her. She's my baby. The idea of not having her laid at my feet in bed, no barking (Daisy doesn't really bark), no random kisses, it's breaking me. ADHD/autism wise I don't know how I'll cope. Because she's been a massive sweetheart and helped me during hard times. 

Since yesterday all I've done is cry. I'm scared. I don't know how I'm going to cope. Our family is scared. We've never lost a pet before. Only major loss I know is my paternal nan, I was 12 when she passed, and it's only started to hit me the last couple of years. 

As they say, grief is the price of love. Which is damn true. 

How does anyone cope? I'm scared just thinking about it. Does it get easier with time?

Has anyone got another after? Obviously can never replace her, but I think eventually it would be good for us all, especially Daisy, as she's always had Willow. We'd probably rescue again. But I also feel guilty just thinking about ever getting another. 

Has anyone found anything that specifically helped them cope with a loss? 

I'm thinking when the time comes I'll possibly get a cuddle pebble with her ashes, to be close to her. Maybe a necklace. Not a jewellery person but there's some cute, light ones. 

I even feel guilty for trying to think of how I'll cope and what I'll do after while she's still here. But I feel like if I don't plan something at least, or try to prepare myself, I'll be worse. 

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel or what I'm supposed to do. I just can't stop crying. I just keep laying on the floor with her and cuddling her.

  • Dear chansfoive5,

    Firstly I would like to say how sorry I am to hear about what you are going through, I know from my own experience how hard it can be to go through the grief of our pets. I hope that Willow is just going through a short term illness and will be back to her usual self very soon. However, personally I went through grief in stages as my pet was coming to the end of her life and I think this in some way helped me process her death. Please don't feel guilty over trying to visualise the future when Willow is no longer with you, it is a natural way to come to the terms with learning to live without our friends. 

    It sounds like a great idea to get some memorial pieces made when that time comes. I had a photoshoot done by a skilled friend of mine that is something I have really treasured. It was very simply done with a normal smartphone and some small editing. I thought that might be helpful for you. 

    I think it is wonderful that you are considering bringing another rescue into your family! It can be really healing to help another animal have a chance at a stable life. 

    It may help to take a look at a few of these pages on managing anxiety and tricky emotions. I know it can be really hard to take care of yourself when so much energy is focused on your pets discomfort or worries over what happens next. Please only use resources that feel helpful to you:

    I thought I would also share some bereavement resources that may help you understand the feelings and support available during pet loss:

    Hoping Willow feels much better soon. 

    Take care,

    Olivia Mod

  • There's nothing worse than seeing them suffer, but having been there a few times best thing you can do is get them checked over and go from there - I've had a few real scares that have come to nothing and I've lost a couple too. 

    When the time comes you do what's right for the dog and after you do what's right for you - I love animals, I love dogs and I love being a dog owner... both times I've got another dog. 

    We have two now which preferably are spaced apart by a handful of years... doesn't always work out that way but while I'm in the position I'm in now (ie capable of looking after them well) I'll have two dogs. 

    Love your dogs - I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that this is a scare - and know that you gave yours a great life (great you adopted too - I've not done that with a hound though have elsewhere). Don't feel guilty for getting another after - you'll still love your passed ones like mad but you've enough love for another. And believe me, you'll love the next one too. And while grief is tough it's worth it for all they bring. 

    (As fate would have it the weekend I lost my last one, and what a beautiful dog he was, I reserved his 2 week old cousin! And what a beautiful pup he is too! It's mad: in some ways it's like going back in time, in others he's totally different!)