How to cope with incoming loss of pets?

Dog tax photo too ️ Daisy's left, Willow is right

I think it's definitely hit me a bit harder that she's getting older. Which is good in a way, because with my autism, it can take me months or even years to process or realise. With her being my best friend and spending 15 years together, I think it sort of made me think it's coming, and I need to try and prepare myself. 

We did have another small scare a few days later, she hadn't gone number 2 in nearly 2 days, I think she was afraid to go as she had diarrhoea and we all know how much it can sting and burn.

I was scared we'd have to take her to the vets again. We ordered some pumpkin powder from Amazon, couldn't find tinned anywhere and pureed was recommended against. We mixed the recommended amount into her food, about an hour or so later she took herself out (we'd been having to encourage her to go out before this) and went for one by herself. Apologies for the TMI but my mum called, showed me, we said it couldn't have been my youngest as she hadn't been out, we checked her, as she's got long hair on her behind, and she had a tiny bit on a hair, so we knew she'd been. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see a number 2 lol. I cried so hard. 

She's had dog paracetamol for a week or so, just finished it, she's now on gabapentin, and she's doing a lot better. A little wobbly, but they said that can happen and it's nothing to worry about. But she's a lot more herself, she's more alert, back to being greedy, eating everything, cuddly, giving kisses, and noisy. Little missy was definitely enjoying the extra attention though. Also faked going off biscuits one morning to get a meat pouch for breakfast next morning ate the biscuits fine

Recently we used her old plastic dog bed, turned it over, put a thick dog blanket on it, sometimes she lays on top of it, sometimes she uses it as a step to climb onto my mum's bed. She also likes to lay on my bed, so yesterday I got a small ottoman that's at the end of my bed, partly for storage, partly for her. Bed is a little high for her to get her back legs up high to push herself up now, but the ottoman is the right height for her to climb onto, then she can easily do the last little step onto my bed from that. She quickly figured it out and did it herself last night with no prompting. ️

When our kitchen floor tiles are sorted next month I'll be replacing the kitchen rug runners, and I've found some that are a bit bigger, so cover the floor more, so she won't slip as much. 

But she's definitely doing better. ️

Thank you for your message, I feel slightly less guilty about the thought of eventually moving on with another dog, I've seen a few tiktoks and videos and such recently where people have done so for a multitude of reasons, I could never forget her, but I'd like to help and love another dog one day, hopefully another rescue maybe. 

I don't think I've been so afraid in years. 

We did have another small scare a few days later, she hadn't gone number 2 in over a day, was scared we'd have to take her to vets again. But we got some pumpkin powder, mixed it with her food, hour or so later she took herself out (we'd had to encourage her to go out before this) and went for one. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see a number 2 lol. I cried so hard. 

She's had dog paracetamol for a week or so, she's now on gabapentin, and she's doing better. A little wobbly, but they said that can happen. But she's a lot more herself, more alert, back to being greedy, cuddly and noisy ️ Little missy was definitely enjoying the extra attention though 

Recently we used her old plastic dog bed, turned it over, put a thick dog blanket on it, sometimes she lays on top of it, sometimes she uses it as a step to climb onto my mum's bed. She also likes to lay on my bed, so yesterday I got a small ottoman that's at the end of my bed, partly for storage, partly for her. Bed is a little high for her to get her back legs up now, but the ottoman is the right height for her to climb onto, then she can easily do the last little step onto my bed. She quickly figured it out and did it herself last night with no prompting.

When our kitchen floor tiles are sorted next month I'll be replacing the kitchen rug runners, and I've found some that are a bit bigger, so cover the floor more, so she won't slip as much. 

But for now, she's doing a lot better. Our bank accounts are drained but I'd pay anything for her. 

Definitely agree with your first part though, I'm definitely closer to her, than anyone other than my mum. My girls are everything to me. 

I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved guinea pig. I'm glad you found support in others. I'm definitely noting those down for when the times comes, so thank you for those ️

Losing a pet is losing a family member. We are often closer to them than some family members. It is so painful.

When one of my guinea pigs died I found online support groups for people who have lost pets. There were so many other people who were devastated by the loss of their pets and engaging in those groups helped me feel supported.

I also rang a line for grieving (I think it was Cruse). Blue Cross also have pet bereavement services https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-loss-support

It's always terrifying but usually something simple to deal with - all the little things feel much bigger when they age though, which while awful preps you...

I'm the same in terms of wondering if I'd have made it this far without - they're amazingly empathetic and therapeutic animals (see also cats and, somewhat surprisingly for someone who used to be fearful of them, horses). 

When they go it hits hard, and like I said you never stop missing them, but my take is you keep going because you love them and they give you so much back that you just keep going with the next one. 

I wasn't sure I could love anything as much as my first dog - got to pick my perfect breed as I was reluctant - but wow was I wrong!  

Good luck - moments like these are sent to remind us how important they are to us.

Thank you ️

I do hope so. She's tired, not eating and her muzzle is a bit swollen, which sounds like infection or bite to me. 

I think the unknown scares me. And with my ADHD/autism, I don't know how I will cope or manage when it does happen, or if I'll be grieving differently to my family.

We have just done the print things we have, we have them of their noses. We also have tiny jars with cork lids, with a charm, one for each of them with their name and a little icon, like a heart on one, infinity sign on another, and me and my mum have two each. We're going to put a little of their fur in it. 

That is a good idea, thank you! I'm glad I'm always taking photos. I'm the unofficial photographer of the family haha. So I have many of them. I may print some and make an album or frame some. 

When we got Daisy, we visited twice during December 2018, January 2019, around the beginning when my mum's birthday is (later found out Daisy's early January too too) they brought her to us for a trl week stay. She never left. She was terrified, hid behind sofa, barely ate, didn't know what toys were, flinched a lot, poor thing was so skinny too. And she was only at the centre a few weeks tops think. Now she's very happy. She's a bouncy, cheeky girl. She loves squeaky balls. Loves our back garden. She's always laid out there somewhere. And a lot of that is thanks to Willow, she's learned lot from her. ️

Thank you for those. I'm trying to do some grounding stuff, just struggling not to cry and to focus. It's so hard not to focus on upcoming stuff I can't control. Luckily I also have a video call with my therapist tomorrow so going to talk to her about it too. 

I was struggling to look for something like bereavement links earlier, thank you!

Will take a look at all of these. 

Thank you so much 

We're going to ring our vets in the morning, probably will be asked to take her in. From what I can see, she's a bit tired, not eating, her muzzle seems a bit swollen, so I'm hoping just an infection. 

I honestly love being an owner, and I love dogs. I honestly don't know if I'd have made it this far if I didn't have them. Especially Willow. She's got me through incredibly hard times before. 

I would never change anything. She practically chose us. My mum's friend's dog had pups. We went to visit. 10 year old me was sat with a lap full of puppies. She looked at me a certain way and I just fell in love and we got her. I also was the one to suggest her name and my mum agreed with it. ️

I think I'm scared of the unknown, what it will be like when she does go. 

I love that you also have a relative pup too! Almost like a small piece of him is carrying on, but also the joy and love of a new pup and learning his individual mannerisms and such ️

Thank you for your kind words, they've really helped

Dear chansfoive5,

Firstly I would like to say how sorry I am to hear about what you are going through, I know from my own experience how hard it can be to go through the grief of our pets. I hope that Willow is just going through a short term illness and will be back to her usual self very soon. However, personally I went through grief in stages as my pet was coming to the end of her life and I think this in some way helped me process her death. Please don't feel guilty over trying to visualise the future when Willow is no longer with you, it is a natural way to come to the terms with learning to live without our friends. 

It sounds like a great idea to get some memorial pieces made when that time comes. I had a photoshoot done by a skilled friend of mine that is something I have really treasured. It was very simply done with a normal smartphone and some small editing. I thought that might be helpful for you. 

I think it is wonderful that you are considering bringing another rescue into your family! It can be really healing to help another animal have a chance at a stable life. 

It may help to take a look at a few of these pages on managing anxiety and tricky emotions. I know it can be really hard to take care of yourself when so much energy is focused on your pets discomfort or worries over what happens next. Please only use resources that feel helpful to you:

• Grounding exercises | NHS inform
• Self-care and managing stress and building resilience | Mind

I thought I would also share some bereavement resources that may help you understand the feelings and support available during pet loss:

• Bereavement 
• Pet Bereavement Toolkit - RSPCA - rspca.org.uk

Hoping Willow feels much better soon. 

Take care,

Olivia Mod

There's nothing worse than seeing them suffer, but having been there a few times best thing you can do is get them checked over and go from there - I've had a few real scares that have come to nothing and I've lost a couple too. 

When the time comes you do what's right for the dog and after you do what's right for you - I love animals, I love dogs and I love being a dog owner... both times I've got another dog. 

We have two now which preferably are spaced apart by a handful of years... doesn't always work out that way but while I'm in the position I'm in now (ie capable of looking after them well) I'll have two dogs. 

Love your dogs - I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that this is a scare - and know that you gave yours a great life (great you adopted too - I've not done that with a hound though have elsewhere). Don't feel guilty for getting another after - you'll still love your passed ones like mad but you've enough love for another. And believe me, you'll love the next one too. And while grief is tough it's worth it for all they bring. 

(As fate would have it the weekend I lost my last one, and what a beautiful dog he was, I reserved his 2 week old cousin! And what a beautiful pup he is too! It's mad: in some ways it's like going back in time, in others he's totally different!)